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If I'm interested in a guy and we click I give my #.I also have a business card that I give out if they ever want to reach me.
Must spread rep before giving it to Raena.
I mean some ladies really don't know much about approaching. I mean if that was the case every guy here would have it in larger numbers.
OP it happens it what guys go through and it does suck a lot but sometimes despite people adamant on how things are suppose to work you need realize human beings got to where we are by being flexible and not doing things by the book.
So many men in this forum are always complaining about being dateless, and resent having to approach women. Yet when a woman approaches you, you can't even take it to the next level and ask for her phone number? Unbelievable.
If the woman is attractive to you, and she takes the initiative to talk to you, but you can't take the next step, it seems like you're looking for excuses to not date. So stop coming here to complain when you're the ones shooting yourselves in the foot.
A woman can approach a man and he can be oblivious to it. Unless she flat out says she is interested, some men will be clueless and think she is just being friendly.
A woman can approach a man and he can be oblivious to it. Unless she flat out says she is interested, some men will be clueless and think she is just being friendly.
This is the truth about men (and women) who are NOT currently looking for a relationship. People who tend to look tend to see a lot more, they tend to notice people who tend to "take their measure" and who are waging if they'd approach or not, and so on.
This effect of "not looking after something" is very true fact of life not only in dating but also in seeking for an affair. People who seek for an affair or give off such vibes will be hit on much more frequently in general. It's also true in work environment. If you don't seriously look after a new job, it seems as if there are no other jobs and employers seeking for someone. Once you are seriously determined to look after a new job, you tend to think that job opportunities suddenly started showing up and you start waging if these opportunities are better or worse of what you already have.
Just because a woman approaches you doesn't mean she wants to date you. OP's definition of approach is out of wack.
Perhaps my approach is out of whack, but 1) at least I approach and 2) I'll tell you something it's VERY common advice in women's relationship/dating books and articles. It's also something I've been told by friends (both men and women): the basic premise is if a man is interested he will try, especially if you've opened the door for him. It's not like I came to this conclusion in a vacuum.
I read a lot (including relationship and dating books) and it's stressed over and over that if a man is "really" into you, he won't let you walk away without at least trying. One book I read was so brash as to say if he gives you his number throw it away because that shows he really doesn't care if you call him or not. If he cares, he will take the initiative. I think that's very much over the top--but advice like that is out there. So while even if here you all convince just me to act differently, it's an uphill battle.
Still, I appreciate the points of view and insight. Right now I've just stopped approaching with that intent all together (part of my give dating and trying to date a break thing). But I will consider it in the future. But so far, it looks like (based on poll results) I would be successful 2/3 of the time if they man is interested in me. Sure it's a numbers thing and sure it stinks if I miss that one out of ever three men, but at least I will be more sure of things from the get go.
Last edited by jillabean; 04-04-2014 at 05:36 AM..
Can't vote because my answer is maybe. I've had girls approach me seem interested (locked eyes, talked about personal things and then asked if I wanted to hang out with them some time) all to find out they had a BF. In those situations I sometimes do not care, especially if they are telling me they are looking to get out of the relationship, that is rare though. Often times they have BFs and are just 'fishing', as I call it, for something else. If that occurs I definitely do not give my number, there are plenty of crazies out there, try to avoid them.
Perhaps my approach is out of whack, but 1) at least I approach and 2) I'll tell you something it's VERY common advice in women's relationship/dating books and articles. It's also something I've been told by friends (both men and women): the basic premise is if a man is interested he will try, especially if you've opened the door for him. It's not like I came to this conclusion in a vacuum.
I read a lot (including relationship and dating books) and it's stressed over and over that if a man is "really" into you, he won't let you walk away without at least trying. One book I read was so brash as to say if he gives you his number throw it away because that shows he really doesn't care if you call him or not. If he cares, he will take the initiative. I think that's very much over the top--but advice like that is out there. So while even if here you all convince just me to act differently, it's an uphill battle.
Still, I appreciate the points of view and insight. Right now I've just stopped approaching with that intent all together (part of my give dating and trying to date a break thing). But I will consider it in the future. But so far, it looks like (based on poll results) I would be successful 2/3 of the time if they man is interested in me. Sure it's a numbers thing and sure it stinks if I miss that one out of ever three men, but at least I will be more sure of things from the get go.
1. lol....it's been spilled. Your viewpoint has been shaped by friggin dating books!
That would be like claiming that I know all about Sparta because I saw the movie 300. How ridiculous is that?
2. You will be "successful" 2/3 times by sitting there and waiting for the guy to give you your number.
You will be successful 3/3 times by asking for his number/giving your number
1. lol....it's been spilled. Your viewpoint has been shaped by friggin dating books!
That would be like claiming that I know all about Sparta because I saw the movie 300. How ridiculous is that?
2. You will be "successful" 2/3 times by sitting there and waiting for the guy to give you your number.
You will be successful 3/3 times by asking for his number/giving your number
LOL, yeah, it's true my viewpoint is shaped partially by books and articles. It's no different than reading here and learning from people. I turned to them because I haven't been very successful on my own. But these are very popular books so I am not the only woman whose views are shaped by them. But like here on these forums, I do take the advice in them with a grain of salt though--like I said, one book said you should toss a mans number if he gives it to you instead of asking for his number. It's hard to not notices overarching themes though.
With your second point, you are dead on right about men who really are interested in me. That is a real downside. But the problem is, you are forgetting the men who aren't interested who will still give their numbers because they have nothing better to do... a lot of men seem to be less selective. Like the man I dated. I think he just had an itch after his 8-year dating dry spell and when I came on to him, he wasn't going to turn me away. But in the end, he really wasn't interested in me.
I would much, much rather be alone and not date at all then to be stuck in a nowhere "relationship" with a half hearted man again who figures, "meh, I got nothing better to do." To me, ending up with a man who's not really all that interested in me is worse than having to wait a little longer for a man who is. That's because not only do I become emotionally invested, I also will waste time and effort trying to make something work with the man who is not into me--all the while I stop looking for a good man who actually will be interested in me.
Like I said, I will consider being the pursuer 100% of the way and letting the man be the one being chased. But I still am not 100% convinced that's a good idea either--it's not only what I read that tells me that. But my experience as well (limited as it is).
I don't see why her number is any business of mine. In fact, it is often too much information. Last time this situation occurred a woman told me her number, and it was seven digits. I have no idea how a woman in her early thirties managed to sleep with over two million guys. Now when a woman offers to tell me her number I just say "No thanks!"
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Right now I've just stopped approaching with that intent all together (part of my give dating and trying to date a break thing). But I will consider it in the future. But so far, it looks like (based on poll results) I would be successful 2/3 of the time if they man is interested in me. Sure it's a numbers thing and sure it stinks if I miss that one out of ever three men, but at least I will be more sure of things from the get go.
