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Well, if you read no further I think you should go to college. However, have romantic relationships gotten better or worse...compared to when?
I would say romantic relationships have gotten better compared pre-history up until about the Victorian Era where marriage was for the majority a barter for exchange among all social classes. Then it got better during the Victorian Era when you have a sizeable middle class growing out because of the industrial revolution. This middle class had the luxury to pick and choose who to marry with less consideration of money although there was still a sizeable nobility and poor who still saw marriage as a way to maintain property and social status. Then around the time of the great depression and World War I and II relationships are better then as women developed an inkling of equality among men and began to enter the work force. At around that time marriage was a form of dependency and as women became more independent it started to get accepted that marriage should not be a form of dependency. Well, relationships get better after World War II when America becomes a superpower, college education for women becomes acceptable, but then it gets kind of weird in America as it becomes very patriarchal for a period of time i.e. you can get an education but your place is at home taking care of your husband and family. Things don't change much until the sexual revolution of the seventies where now because of the availability of contraception a woman can enjoy her sex life without getting pregnant--contraception always existed to a certain extent but wasn't readily available until then. So the ability to have an active sex life leads to a more romantic conception of love and marriage as again women become less dependent on men. I mean the general premise is that with greater freedom there is greater capacity to choose who to love, when to love, how to love, what is love. Then things get weird in the eighties because there is a reactionary movement against the movement of the seventies. I'm not conservative or liberal but that's about the time when you begin to hear family value speeches and whether a woman should work what constitutes a marriage and the like. In other words, marriage is not about romance it's about raising a family, living up to community standards, being part of a larger organized community, service to country. I have a feeling by the nineties women and men who married out of a sense of duty and not romance and love had long term problems. Depending on where you live now you will still see this dynamic but I think more and more women are rejecting it and I think that is a good thing.
This is now my speculation. I think women now expect more from a man than previous generations. They can now. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that is a good thing. They have careers, education, control of their sexuality, financial independence. Probably for one of the first times in history they can pursue romantic love as opposed to love as a material proposition or what have you. We've talked about romantic love since the Victorian era but very few were able to experience it. Authors like Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte and the like wrote to a small literate audience of noble women and not to the masses. So, there is no period of time I would rather live then now.
So, do I think romantic relationships are getting better? Sure. More people can experience it then ever before. Does this mean it's better for everyone? I'm optimistic and I think it's better for most.
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth You guys are so full of it! Women go for stable guys who are into commitment. Some will make the first move on the shy guys, even shy nerdy guys. Few women "settle" for guys not willing to provide commitment. Some women aren't into commitment themselves, but that's not "settling". Total nonsense you're posting. Did you get this from another men's blog?
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Originally Posted by Hivemind31
Speaking of "full of it".....
Speaking as a real live woman, I make the first move on shy, nerdy guys, and I do not settle for a level of commitment that isn't the one I want. Why would I?
I married a shy nerdy guy who I made the first move on .
Personally, I can't imagine trying to date fifty years ago. Getting married right out of high school (or college, if you're lucky), having kids at a younger average age, feeling required to stay in a marriage because of social, religious, or financial pressures, having to ascribe to strict gender roles...
Ugh, no thanks.
Relationships these days, as in all eras, have their pitfalls, but in general I feel people have far more personal freedom in their romantic lives, and that's a fantastic thing.
Very good. May I recommend study abroad to Europe? I write that because it will give you a different perspective on not just relationships but on America as well. Again, I love America--I wouldn't be living here if I didn't--but it's always important to see how different societies deal differently with issues. To be honest and this is my bias, I feel a lot of Europeans are ahead of the curve when it comes to relationships.
Speaking as a real live woman, I make the first move on shy, nerdy guys, and I do not settle for a level of commitment that isn't the one I want. Why would I?
I married a shy nerdy guy who I made the first move on .
But the post I quoted from Ruth was more of a catch-all statement originally: "women do this", "few women do this", etc. From someone who's so quick to call others out for statements of generalization, the irony was painful.
Exceptions always exist, but the generalizations she proposes are simply inaccurate.
People have always cheated. In fact, if anything, cheating was even more common--and more accepted--in the past than it is today. This is particularly true for men. Monogamy for men only became a common expectation around the middle of the 20th century. Before that, cheating by men was expected and quietly tolerated.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
-They have become more selfish and self centered.
People have always been selfish and self-centered.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
-No one has anymore patience and give up at the first sign of trouble.
That is not true at all. Giving up is the last thing people do, not the first. And frankly, many people keep holding on to bad relationships long after they should.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
-People start acting irrationally after they go through a heartbreak and start trying to find ways to hurt people when they have been hurt in the past.
People have always done that.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
They are focused on shallow things instead of the important things.
People have always been that way.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
-Sex seems to be the prime motivation of every relationship, no one seems to love each other anymore, and are only there for the sex and not because they care about the person. (I have no issue with sex, I just don't think that should be the most important thing.)
Sex has always been the primary motivation of most relationships. And, believe it or not, people who have sex together can also love each other.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
-No one respects boundaries anymore, and go after people in relationships.
People have always disregarded boundaries, and as I said above, cheating was, if anything, more tolerated in the past than it is today.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
People seem to want to control others.
People have always wanted to control others.
The problem isn't how people conduct themselves in relationships nowadays. The problem is you. Specifically, the problem is your painfully naive and ill-informed view the past. You seem to believe there was once a Golden Age of Relationships, where people behaved like angels. That is 100% false. You need to inform yourself a little better and grow up.
Not to sound like a pessimist or a know it all but I think they are getting worse to be honest. Here are the things I see.
-People cheat like there is no tomorrow now.
-They have become more selfish and self centered.
-No one has anymore patience and give up at the first sign of trouble.
-People start acting irrationally after they go through a heartbreak and start trying to find ways to hurt people when they have been hurt in the past.
-They are focused on shallow things instead of the important things.
-Sex seems to be the prime motivation of every relationship, no one seems to love each other anymore, and are only there for the sex and not because they care about the person. (I have no issue with sex, I just don't think that should be the most important thing.)
-No one respects boundaries anymore, and go after people in relationships
-People seem to want to control others.
If there is anything I have missed, then please list some things you have seem. As I said before this is typically what I see in most relationships where I am. It really discourages me because I don't think I will find anything meaningful if things continue to get this way. It just seems no one understands the concept of a relationship anymore and have twisted and turned it into something it was never meant to be. I'm not dating primarily because there is no one I am interested in at the moment, and because of the reasons I stated above. If you disagree, please state your reasons. Please be kind! Thank you! I just want hear other people's opinions and experiences!
Just look at the divorce rate and all the single parents out there and that should answer your question
I think relationships might be better, because people are more aware that they have the right to leave unhealthy relationships. If they are not satisfied in the relationship, they have more options. For women definitely, they are in a better situation. They are still experiencing domestic violence, though. Maybe you have higher rates of divorce or separation, but this an indicator that people are not going to resign themselves if they feel they are not with the right psrner.
Very good. May I recommend study abroad to Europe? I write that because it will give you a different perspective on not just relationships but on America as well. Again, I love America--I wouldn't be living here if I didn't--but it's always important to see how different societies deal differently with issues. To be honest and this is my bias, I feel a lot of Europeans are ahead of the curve when it comes to relationships.
Arti, In Europe (many places in Europe we should say) they have completely open and free sex trade. It's something Americans cannot even fathom. Model grade women selling themselves openly to middle aged men in lush resort style clubs for less then $80 an hour for sex. In Europe, the older women expect and grant permission for their middle aged husbands to have mistresses. As long as he remains her life partner, and has no children from it, she is ok with it. In Europe, nudity is no big deal. You see ads with naked people in the paper and on television. Workers get two hours for lunch and can drink wine, you can have a beer while walking down the street and not get assaulted by America's finest street thugs in blue. Women can walk the streets at 2am in most cities and not be assaulted. They do not have gang bangers and drive by shootings.
There is a lot to be said for some country's European culture. Their divorce rate is less then half of ours too.
But the post I quoted from Ruth was more of a catch-all statement originally: "women do this", "few women do this", etc. From someone who's so quick to call others out for statements of generalization, the irony was painful.
Exceptions always exist, but the generalizations she proposes are simply inaccurate.
A statement beginning with "few women..." isn't a generalization. "Few" is a qualifier. Note the use of "some women" in that post as well.
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