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Old 04-29-2014, 01:02 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,923 posts, read 7,718,408 times
Reputation: 16662

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I know it doesn't matter but I'm still curious. How is it any worse than just wanting to know whether she's prettier or something?
Because you're pulling race into it, and that really should not matter either.

 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:07 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,606,033 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Because you're pulling race into it, and that really should not matter either.
Well, it matters to me. If I was dating someone who was never actually going to marry a black woman, I'd know that our relationship was going nowhere. On the other hand, if he did marry a black woman, I'd know that I was responsible for the downfall of our relationship.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: The Great West
2,084 posts, read 2,621,405 times
Reputation: 4112
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
Is this just you or are all women like this?
Certainly not. OP is insecure and feels competitive with exes. Maybe she has an inferiority complex and thinks being married is some kind of achievement. I don't know, but I do know that not all women have that attitude.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 4,734,470 times
Reputation: 4425
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Well, it matters to me. If I was dating someone who was never actually going to marry a black woman, I'd know that our relationship was going nowhere. On the other hand, if he did marry a black woman, I'd know that I was responsible for the downfall of our relationship.
Here's a novel idea. You were BOTH responsible for the downfall of the relationship regardless of this woman's race.

Some people can be good people on their own merits, but still not right for each other. Doesn't make anyone at fault.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:10 PM
 
Location: The Great West
2,084 posts, read 2,621,405 times
Reputation: 4112
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Well, it matters to me. If I was dating someone who was never actually going to marry a black woman, I'd know that our relationship was going nowhere. On the other hand, if he did marry a black woman, I'd know that I was responsible for the downfall of our relationship.
Huh? So you are black then? His preference doesn't mean he was going to marry any single black woman he dated just because they were black. He might have, you know, cared about...personality!!
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 4,734,470 times
Reputation: 4425
Quote:
Originally Posted by savoytruffle View Post
Huh? So you are black then? His preference doesn't mean he was going to marry any single black woman he dated just because they were black. He might have, you know, cared about...personality!!
Also, sometimes we marry outside of our physical preferences because of personality. If I was creating a guy based on looks, I'd make him tall, dark hair, blue eyes. He'd probably look a lot like an ex of mine. I'm marrying a guy who is 5'7", blonde, hazel-brown eyes, because it is someone's qualities/integrity/respect/compassion/sense of humor/loyalty, etc. that trump all of those physical things for me. That ex, while he may have been what my preferences were, was a slimy sort of guy where our relationship didn't work on many levels and was probably only entertained by me because I was 22 at the time and wasn't aware I could do so much better in terms of how a man should treat me. So what this woman looks like, race included, does NOT matter. Even if she weren't black, it doesn't mean he wouldn't have been opposed to marrying you if you were the right person for him. It doesn't all come back to physical preferences.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:20 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,606,033 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme View Post
Also, sometimes we marry outside of our physical preferences because of personality. If I was creating a guy based on looks, I'd make him tall, dark hair, blue eyes. He'd probably look a lot like an ex of mine. I'm marrying a guy who is 5'7", blonde, hazel-brown eyes, because it is someone's qualities/integrity/respect/compassion, etc. that trump all of those physical things for me. So what this woman looks like, race included, does NOT matter.
Yeah I know, but it matters to me. His parents allegedly didn't want him to date interracially (I never met them), so I want to know whether he gave into their wishes.

His wife has a generic name so I unfortunately can't guess her ethnicity.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 4,734,470 times
Reputation: 4425
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Yeah I know, but it matters to me. His parents allegedly didn't want him to date interracially (I never met them), so I want to know whether he gave into their wishes.

His wife has a generic name so I unfortunately can't guess her ethnicity.
Look into why it matters to you, because it shouldn't. Nothing about HER is why your relationship didn't work out.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:22 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,923 posts, read 7,718,408 times
Reputation: 16662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Yeah I know, but it matters to me. His parents allegedly didn't want him to date interracially (I never met them), so I want to know whether he gave into their wishes.

His wife has a generic name so I unfortunately can't guess her ethnicity.
Are you sure it's not you who has the issue about him being with a black woman?

I am getting the feeling that is the case. I am a little offended by that.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 4,734,470 times
Reputation: 4425
I feel a little offended that there are so many reasons why people choose to get married that the OP is hung up on this one detail as the reason why he would not marry her when it sounded like there were a plethora of other issues that actually had to do with that particular relationship wasn't right for either party. Don't pine for a guy for years when he wouldn't take you to meet his parents....
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