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I guess I don't consider it approaching if you know the person. If you already know them - I would call it making the first move or asking the person out.
Yes - the price of rejection is higher when it's someone you know. But oftentimes, when you already know the person - you know if you have a chance or not.
I've kept this pretty polite - although you seem to be unable to do so. I'm not sure why. This isn't a big deal. We disagree. I've answered your question. I can do it again - some men like to be the one to approach. Some men don't like it when they are not the ones in control of the situation. Some men find it to be a turn off when women approach them. And many situations that I have been in - me approaching them was not an option.
Why is it so hard for you to just agree to disagree? I'm perfectly fine disagreeing with you about this. I'm not trying to change your mind because you aren't going to change your mind any sooner than I'm going to change my mind. And it seems that many people on here agree with me - so even though you keep trying to embarrass me or expose me - it's not really working. Why not just let it go with a hand shake?
Actually, it's you who's being impolite. I posed a very straightforward question which you've refused to answer. If you don't want to answer, then the polite response would've been "I refuse to answer." Look at the bold part of your post and explain how that answers my question. It doesn't. Yes, some men enjoy pursuing, some men like to feel in control, and some men are turned off by women who approach them. But that still doesn't address why a man would approach if he knows she'll approach him. I'm not trying to change your mind since it's clear you were never open to changing it in the first place. In fact, your refusal to answer is an answer, because it basically confirms my point. If a man sees a woman he's interested in and expects that she'll approach him, then there's no reason for him to approach.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 06-16-2014 at 05:36 AM..
In many social situations, you see a guy with a group of buddies, and they're egging him on to go talk to the girl he likes. If he gets shot down, he takes some good-natured ribbing, and they carry on. You don't see these guys standing around in a group arguing that the woman who has caught his eye should approach him, and they're going to do nothing and see if she does. They take the risk because they want the reward, so to speak, and they also don't want to hesitate and have another guy swoop in and do it, because guys know that other guys approach!
I never suggested that men sit around saying women should approach them or that they wait to see if she does. I certainly don't wait. My point is that their behavior is premised on certain assumptions. And one assumption is that women don't do the approaching, which this and similar thread pretty much confirms. Therefore, if a man sees a woman he's interested in, he has to be the one to approach. On the other hand, if the man had reason to believe women would approach him, then why would he do the approaching? Think back to school dances where it became lady's choice. The girls are supposed to go ask the boys to dance. Since the boys know this, they don't approach the girls. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp?
Suppose I'm in a room with 6 women, all of whom I'm interested in. I know that the three on the right will approach me, but the three on the left won't. Naturally, I'm going to pursue the three on the left. But if I already know the three on the right are going to approach me, then why would I approach them? Dewdrop93 talks about men enjoying the pursuit. My dog enjoys chasing after the ball when I throw it. If I put the ball in front of him, it's no longer fun. But it's ALSO no longer necessary for him to go after it. My dog also knows that I'll bring food to his bowl. Hence the reason he doesn't come running to the kitchen for food.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 06-16-2014 at 05:43 AM..
Actually, it's very much on topic and I'll tell you why. This thread is about presumptions women make when deciding whether or not to approach men. Women don't approach men because they fear rejection. Women don't approach men because they worry the men will be turned off by a woman's directness. Women don't approach men because they expect men will approach women. Do you see what those three statements have in common? They're all based on expectations. A woman will refrain from approaching a man because of what she expects the man will do. But dewdrop claims men DON'T worry about women's behavior. Do you see the contradiction? How can you say women base their decisions on expectations of men's behavior but not the other way around? You can't have it both ways.
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