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I am going to play a little devil's advocate here and ask something. Please understand, I am not saying you say both of these things... but on this board these two things are said.
On one hand, a lot of men here say, that woman are never rejected. That they can walk out there door and pick up a man any time they want to. On the other hand, men here say that women won't approach because they are so fearful of rejection. If the first part were true, why would women be the least bit fearful? Unless of course women "can't" in general walk out the door and pick up a man at the snap of her fingers.
For what it's worth, I think you are right. I wouldn't say 9 out of 10. An OKCupid survey shows that (online) men will "hit on" or ask out what they consider the most beautiful 33% of women. I am going to guess this translates to offline hitting on too. So 3 out of 10 women don't need to approach... they are approached all the time. Then there are a few women like me who do approach. I'd say 2 out of 10 (it's not a lot, but we are out there). That would leave maybe 5 out of 10 who don't approach out of fear. Why? Despite the beliefs posted in this forum a lot, woman are rejected a lot... probably as much as men are. And there is a fear--just like the guys here who won't approach or give up approaching after a handful of failed tries. I think it's worth noting that the reality is the dating world is just as hard on women as it is on men who have issues getting dates. Not sure why we all can't agree on that.
As a proclaimed 10% approacher, how many times have you cold approached a stranger and got flat out 'rudely' rejected? I'm going to bet never ask a guy that same question and he will say that b.tch was mean in rejecting me, lol of course every women here will say it happens to me all the time
I agree both genders have a hard time dating, but men do have it harder/ they're expected to do a whole lot more.
As a proclaimed 10% approacher, how many times have you cold approached a stranger and got flat out 'rudely' rejected? I'm going to bet never ask a guy that same question and he will say that b.tch was mean in rejecting me, lol of course every women here will say it happens to me all the time
I agree both genders have a hard time dating, but men do have it harder/ they're expected to do a whole lot more.
Well, close enough to never that I would claim never I did have one guy raise his voice at me and say, "Go Away!" when all I did was walk up to him an smile. But, hey, there are jerks everywhere. I have given my number to men to never be called (I think that's how a lot of men reject).
I don't approach with the intent of "dating." I first approach with the intent of getting to know the person a little more to see if I am interested. I don't throw out cheesy lines or things like that to get "Shot down rudely" in the first place. And I find that after talking to a man a bit, most times, I am not interested. So I just have friendly chit-chat and part ways.
I have to ask, if a guy talks to a girl and gets to know her a bit... doesn't hit on her or anything like that. Just acts like a nice friendly guy. And "then" asks her out after 10-15 minutes of talking, is he as rudely rejected? Sometimes I wonder if the #1 problem with people who get menaly rejected is that they come on too fast, too strong--they don't give enough time to humanize themselves.
But anyway, my point is, if you (and I mean a broad 'you'.. not you personally Soy) really believe women aren't ever rejected (or rudely rejected) what is it that women are supposed to be afraid of with rejection?
Well, close enough to never that I would claim never I did have one guy raise his voice at me and say, "Go Away!" when all I did was walk up to him an smile. But, hey, there are jerks everywhere. I have given my number to men to never be called (I think that's how a lot of men reject).
I don't approach with the intent of "dating." I first approach with the intent of getting to know the person a little more to see if I am interested. I don't throw out cheesy lines or things like that to get "Shot down rudely" in the first place. And I find that after talking to a man a bit, most times, I am not interested. So I just have friendly chit-chat and part ways.
I have to ask, if a guy talks to a girl and gets to know her a bit... doesn't hit on her or anything like that. Just acts like a nice friendly guy. And "then" asks her out after 10-15 minutes of talking, is he as rudely rejected? Sometimes I wonder if the #1 problem with people who get menaly rejected is that they come on too fast, too strong--they don't give enough time to humanize themselves.
But anyway, my point is, if you really believe women aren't ever rejected (or rudely rejected) what is it that women are supposed to be afraid of with rejection?
Agreed. Rejection happens to everyone. It may just happen to some more than others. So many have fear of being rejected, probably because it has happened before. And some don't know how to handle it.
Like if you hit on someone, and they tell you to get lost. How do you walk away from that and keep an air of dignity lol
Like an OP here that was horrified at her first rejection. Guys tell her alot that she's hot, and 3 guys said she was hot before she met her online pal. She developed a crush on him, but 1 guy didn't like her, and it's destroyed her. Even though she had never been rejected before.
I have been rejected plenty. Not much compared to some people. But it is a good bit for me. Any guy I liked has ended in rejection. So, after all that, I don't approach anymore.
Now if a guy comes and talks to me, I can chat away with no problem. But I don't start anything now. Which isn't good. But Rejection has made me gun shy, and lowered my self esteem. I put effort into my appearance, where make-up, etc. So, I try to look as nice as possible when I go out. So, maybe a guy will approach to chat. But that doesn't happen either, and the guys who do isn't a compliment. Not that ist's an insult mind you. Just nothing to get giddy about.
I have never been approached, or complimented by any guy I was attracted to. The suitors I had recently were
1. A 20 year old still in HS, with chains and gold teeth - Yuck.
2. An old guy that unloaded the trucks where I worked for a bit. I wasn't attracted physically, and he came off as creepy since he found it fine to stand right beside him, and stare in my face, before I finally had to ask if I knew him. He laughed and told his friend. Then when I am working in another station, he stops to stair at me again before leaving. Ew.
3. A bum is baggy clothes, riding a bike who comes up, makes a corny joke, then asks for my number.
4. And some partying drunks next door, whom my mother says were just staring at me while I was leaving. But I didn't see them, as I never pay our neighbors any attention.
5. And when I was dressed a few years ago, I was shopping, and my mom said they needed to leave since I was attracting attention of alot of old men.
So, women have just as many dating issues as men. The thing is how you handle them. I decided already, living in this small rural area, I was not going to meet anyone around here. So, I am just working on school, and getting things in order now. Dating will have to come later when I have more options to work with, and chances to be out more.
Women get rejected.
Some women get ignored. Like one girl out with her pals, and said they all got approached by guys, and she was the only one that wasn't.
Some women have some suitors, but it's never anyone they like.
And some women get lots of men or dates, but always get dumped later.
And some ma have something in their personality that isn't good. 1 girl online says she's in law school, pretty, and has a good body. She could be lying. But lets say she isn't. She's hot, and accomplished, but the only man in her life now is a guy that doesn't care about her, and treats her like a prostitute. And she was his side chick when he was with his girlfriend of 5 years. He leads her around like a dog and shows her no respect. But apparently he's hot, and the sex is good, so she stays, only to whine about his off-handed treatment of her. And she states girls don't like her either.
But really, she comes off as naive, a doormat, selfish, sneaky, and arrogant. All some serious flaws that may keep her in bad company. Like this loser she's with. She even states being hot ruins her life. Guys just want sex, and girls are intimated by her looks, so they don't give her a chance to see how nice she is. Arrogance. No girl wants to hang with another girl that's that stuck on herself. And everyone there told her the same thing. Her looks aren't the issue, but that her personality sucks. Naturally, it wasn't what she wanted to hear, so she deleted the question. lol
Dating life is hard. But no need to make generalizations based on one's own bad luck, or try to pin it on others. Men, or a guy gets rejected alot, then pronounces dating harder on men. Same for a woman. It's not about gender. It's about people. Some just have it a bit rougher. And sometimes one has flaws they need to work on that's driving people away.
Last edited by HappyRain; 06-11-2014 at 09:25 AM..
But anyway, my point is, if you (and I mean a broad 'you'.. not you personally Soy) really believe women aren't ever rejected (or rudely rejected) what is it that women are supposed to be afraid of with rejection?
Men here say it's highly unlikely a woman will get rejected <---well knowing that, some women are still too chicken to approach. Common you know that's true, LoL don't want the ego bruised.
Men here say it's highly unlikely a woman will get rejected <---well knowing that, some women are still too chicken to approach. Common you know that's true, LoL don't want the ego bruised.
I really think those people are projecting their own feelings. They feel they would get their egos bruised and assume everyone feels the same way.
But think about it, when someone first meets you, that person doesn't know you from anyone else. Whatever thing they are turning you away for is superficial at best. So why does it matter? It could very well be something stupid like they don't like blonde hair... or you remind them of someone they know and don't like... or they are just in a bad mood (like my "go away" guy).
2. An old guy that unloaded the trucks where I worked for a bit. I wasn't attracted physically, and he came off as creepy since he found it fine to stand right beside him, and stare in my face, before I finally had to ask if I knew him. He laughed and told his friend. Then when I am working in another station, he stops to stair at me again before leaving. Ew.
So it's creepy for a guy to look at you in the face? Got it.
If the old guy was a young guy, then it's not creepy right?
I really think those people are projecting their own feelings. They feel they would get their egos bruised and assume everyone feels the same way.
But think about it, when someone first meets you, that person doesn't know you from anyone else. Whatever thing they are turning you away for is superficial at best. So why does it matter? It could very well be something stupid like they don't like blonde hair... or you remind them of someone they know and don't like... or they are just in a bad mood (like my "go away" guy).
This is about cold approaches and I just don't see a lot of women doing it.
Why? It's either they feel entitled and that men should do it, or they fear rejection like a lot of guys. I think it's both.
So it's creepy for a guy to look at you in the face? Got it.
If the old guy was a young guy, then it's not creepy right?
Wrong! And yes, it is creepy and inappropriate to stare someone in the face. (Note she did use the word "stare".) Extreme eye contact by a stranger or someone you don't know well is an aggressive act. It's a violation of personal boundaries, most people know that. It's equally creepy when younger, good-looking guys do it.
This is about cold approaches and I just don't see a lot of women doing it.
Why? It's either they feel entitled and that men should do it, or they fear rejection like a lot of guys. I think it's both.
Somewhere this morning I read a comment about how women don't cold approach someone for a date based on exterior appearance, that they need to more about the guy before doing so. So no, I don't think that they either fear rejection or believe men should do it, it's simply not the way many women go about things.
I agree! It sounds like that person is entirely clueless about social cues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Wrong! And yes, it is creepy and inappropriate to stare someone in the face. (Note she did use the word "stare".) Extreme eye contact by a stranger or someone you don't know well is an aggressive act. It's a violation of personal boundaries, most people know that. It's equally creepy when younger, good-looking guys do it.
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ask a guy that same question and he will say that b.tch was mean in rejecting me, lol of course every women here will say it happens to me all the time 
