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I've tried approaching a man I felt attracted to and maybe because I tend to be shy and uncomfortable in this role, men wind up giving me what I could best describe as an annoyed, puzzled look. Did I take them by surprise when I approached them? Why wear such an unpleasant expression? My approaching them consists of saying "Hi" first and I say it somewhat shyly...so maybe that's the problem. I'm just very SHY about approaching men. I'm much better at flirting from across the room.
I'm not usually attracted to someone with out getting to know them a bit so hitting on complete strangers just isn't something that would occur to me. I did ask complete strangers for their phone numbers before - but that was back when I was a teenager and just having fun. I have asked men out before - but they usually beat me to the punch.
In a lot of ways, this is me too. I've never once in my life ever been attracted to a complete stranger. But I do approach and talk to men to get to know them. Of course, I talk to "anyone" even people I know I will never date (elderly men, young men, other women, etc). For me, approaching people isn't about dating--although I consider that a possible outcome.
The vast majority of the time, after I talk to a man, I am not very interested in a romantic sense. Once in a while I am interested, but then he's not interested in me. And it's only "interest" at that point, not full blown, "attraction." Real attraction (for me) takes time. It's why I don't worry about "rejection." I have nothing invested emotionally, so I really don't care if he's not interested in me too.
This is why me approaching men has never worked I think. For what it's worth, men approaching me has never worked either. I've always been in relationships with someone I got to know over time first: friend of a friend... and saw him a lot at events and get togethers, in a group with me like a hobby club, or in the case of the last guy I dated had been a friend of mine for years (and we both just happened to be single at the same time).
Last edited by jillabean; 06-10-2014 at 08:33 AM..
I've never cold-approached a guy but I am generally pretty forward about my emotions if we've been hanging out. If I like a guy, I'll let him know... takes the guesswork out of it and helps us both know where we stand. It's worked out well so far, the only reason these relationships don't end up working out have been due to external factors like geography, etc.
I used to think that, but I realized I was missing out on some great guys. They'd repeatedly look my way and signal their interest, but couldn't take that big step of starting a conversation. I decided that expecting them to be the first one to approach and speak was just a silly prejudice that gets in the way of two people getting to know each other and possibly hitting it off. Actually, some of the greatest guys are the shy ones. At least you know they won't be playing other women.
This is, by far, the best comment on this entire thread. I get why women like to be pursued. It's flattering, it shows the man has confidence, etc. But men find confidence attractive as well. When a woman approaches me, it causes me to think more highly of her. It doesn't guarantee that I'll be interested in her. But the fact that she was willing to take a chance speaks volumes about her. Someone on this thread said they assume a cute guy is probably taken. If a man made such a presumption about an attractive woman, no one would respect him. Here's the other thing to keep in mind if you're wanting men to approach you. You're NOT the only woman out there. Part of why confident men are willing to risk rejection and approach women is because they know the woman isn't special. If she rejects him, he'll have plenty of other options. I'm not suggesting we completely reverse gender roles and have women do all the pursuing. But when I hear people say they want to stick with tradition, it makes me wonder what other traditions they want to cling to.
Especially with texting. I have this if they want to talk to me "they will text me." I think it is why I have lost contact with all my old friends, I am too afraid of bothering them or aggravating them. I am talkative once I get comfortable with folks and I will talk about anything.
As soon as a woman "expects" me to do anything, I drop all contact with her. I'm almost 25 I don't play games.
This is, by far, the best comment on this entire thread. I get why women like to be pursued. It's flattering, it shows the man has confidence, etc. But men find confidence attractive as well. When a woman approaches me, it causes me to think more highly of her. It doesn't guarantee that I'll be interested in her. But the fact that she was willing to take a chance speaks volumes about her. Someone on this thread said they assume a cute guy is probably taken. If a man made such a presumption about an attractive woman, no one would respect him. Here's the other thing to keep in mind if you're wanting men to approach you. You're NOT the only woman out there. Part of why confident men are willing to risk rejection and approach women is because they know the woman isn't special. If she rejects him, he'll have plenty of other options. I'm not suggesting we completely reverse gender roles and have women do all the pursuing. But when I hear people say they want to stick with tradition, it makes me wonder what other traditions they want to cling to.
Generally it's the fat ones, or those with some other undesirable element to them (age, appearance, whatever).
They know they aren't going to be approached by pretty much anyone, so they swing for the fences. Ugh.
One more reason I'm glad I've figured out how to be practically invisible on those rare occasions when I do go places that I might have to deal with females.
Can I squirrel this one away until the next time(s) posters try to convince others that women have it so easy because they are constantly being approached and that they (women) can get sex anytime they want and that women shouldn't reject any man that approaches her?
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