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Men and women get together all the time without anyone hitting on anyone. All of my relationships started with people I knew through school or work or my social circle. Hitting on someone is not necessary - people do it because they want to.
So - you think that if women hit on men more often, that guy in the parking lot wouldn't have stopped to hit on me?
Hitting on someone isn't necessary, but someone ultimately has to make the first move. The guy in the parking lot was operating on a very simple assumption. Most women will not approach him. Therefore, if his goal is to get married, find a date, or just find a woman to sleep with, he has to approach her. In the example you described, you didn't see him. But suppose that you had. How likely is it that you would've gone up to him and started a conversation? How likely is that you would've asked him out? As threads like this illustrate, it's incredibly unlikely. That's why I say a man has no choice but to be the one who initiates. His only alternative is to sit back, hope you notice him, and hope that you approach him.
9 out 10 women just don't have the courage to approach plain and simple.
I am going to play a little devil's advocate here and ask something. Please understand, I am not saying you say both of these things... but on this board these two things are said.
On one hand, a lot of men here say, that woman are never rejected. That they can walk out there door and pick up a man any time they want to. On the other hand, men here say that women won't approach because they are so fearful of rejection. If the first part were true, why would women be the least bit fearful? Unless of course women "can't" in general walk out the door and pick up a man at the snap of her fingers.
For what it's worth, I think you are right. I wouldn't say 9 out of 10. An OKCupid survey shows that (online) men will "hit on" or ask out what they consider the most beautiful 33% of women. I am going to guess this translates to offline hitting on too. So 3 out of 10 women don't need to approach... they are approached all the time. Then there are a few women like me who do approach. I'd say 2 out of 10 (it's not a lot, but we are out there). That would leave maybe 5 out of 10 who don't approach out of fear. Why? Despite the beliefs posted in this forum a lot, woman are rejected a lot... probably as much as men are. And there is a fear--just like the guys here who won't approach or give up approaching after a handful of failed tries. I think it's worth noting that the reality is the dating world is just as hard on women as it is on men who have issues getting dates. Not sure why we all can't agree on that.
On one hand, a lot of men here say, that woman are never rejected. That they can walk out there door and pick up a man any time they want to. On the other hand, men here say that women won't approach because they are so fearful of rejection. If the first part were true, why would women be the least bit fearful? Unless of course women "can't" in general walk out the door and pick up a man at the snap of her fingers.
Bwahahaha! Sharp cookie! Of course women are rejected all the time. Most people are not each other's "types", so women who approach men or chat with men do frequently get the brush-off. It's completely unrealistic to think otherwise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean;
the reality is the dating world is just as hard on women as it is on men who have issues getting dates. Not sure why we all can't agree on that.
Me, either. I've never understood this weird belief that women are constantly bombarded with male attention. Just because the top 20-30% are doesn't mean all women are. Far from it.
I think it's worth noting that the reality is the dating world is just as hard on women as it is on men who have issues getting dates. Not sure why we all can't agree on that.
Well what fun is that for the whiners? They won't get any attention or sympathy if they agree women have it hard too.
Your conclusion is wrong, not that it really matters. Men don't pursue women because they like it. They do it because they have to. The reason they don't like a woman who is too available isn't because it's too easy. They're turned off for the same reason women are turned off by guys who are too nice. It's because they think there's something wrong with the person. I think a lot of women like to believe that men enjoy the pursuit for two reasons. One, it makes it easier to rationalize why women shouldn't pursue men. After all, if you pursue him, then you'd be depriving him of "the thrill of the hunt." And two, it makes the woman feel special. To know that this guy actually enjoys pursuing you, that's extremely flattering.
Twice now you've told me my impressions are wrong. At least I'm speaking on my own behalf unlike your speaking on behalf of all men about something you don't like to do. I have known many men who enjoyed the thrill of the chase, to "get" the girl.
Twice now you've told me my impressions are wrong. At least I'm speaking on my own behalf unlike your speaking on behalf of all men about something you don't like to do. I have known many men who enjoyed the thrill of the chase, to "get" the girl.
Agreed. All men don't like chasing. But some do. A girl even says her guy friend slept with women fast, and he thought all of them were sluts. And the woman he married was one he had to chase a few months to get.
So, some men like a chase. Either a challenge, or because they feel women they have to put more effort in turn out to be the more confident, and better ones, rather than the ones they get in bed within a few hours.
So, really it depends on the man, what he looks for in a woman, how he feels about himself, and what he deems to have better results.
Same for women. Some like to go after men, and it's fun. Some like the men to come to them, and that's fun, or flattering.
Twice now you've told me my impressions are wrong. At least I'm speaking on my own behalf unlike your speaking on behalf of all men about something you don't like to do. I have known many men who enjoyed the thrill of the chase, to "get" the girl.
Yup. A lot of numbers I used to get I'd just throw in the trash when I got home.
Hitting on someone isn't necessary, but someone ultimately has to make the first move. The guy in the parking lot was operating on a very simple assumption. Most women will not approach him. Therefore, if his goal is to get married, find a date, or just find a woman to sleep with, he has to approach her. In the example you described, you didn't see him. But suppose that you had. How likely is it that you would've gone up to him and started a conversation? How likely is that you would've asked him out? As threads like this illustrate, it's incredibly unlikely. That's why I say a man has no choice but to be the one who initiates. His only alternative is to sit back, hope you notice him, and hope that you approach him.
So, you are trying to convince me that the reason that this guy stopped me in a parking lot while I was walking with my mother was because he knew that women don't hit on men? Seriously? Look - he saw me in a parking lot. He stopped his car to ask me out. He thought I was hot and thought he'd give it a try. He didn't do it because, woe is me- she's not going to ask ME out! He did it because he saw something he wanted and he didn't care that I was with my mom, that I didn't see him, that we were in an indoor parking lot, etc. I've never seen a guy at first glance and wanted to ask him out. I need more than just a glance to interest me.
Most men and women are just wired differently. Men are more visual. I mean - you can keep saying that women are too scared and men only hit on women because they have to but I'm never going to buy it. I've been hit on too often in too many inappropriate or odd situations for that to be true.
Last edited by Dewdroplet76; 06-11-2014 at 07:54 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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It's just so odd to me that someone (of either gender) would ask someone out without speaking to them at all first. Its just so awkward sounding. You don't know anything at all about them, or even if they're articulate. All you know is if they're good looking or not. There are good looking people everywhere, since when is that enough for a fun date?
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Men don't pursue women because they like it. They do it because they have to. The reason they don't like a woman who is too available isn't because it's too easy. They're turned off for the same reason women are turned off by guys who are too nice. It's because they think there's something wrong with the person. I think a lot of women like to believe that men enjoy the pursuit for two reasons. One, it makes it easier to rationalize why women shouldn't pursue men. After all, if you pursue him, then you'd be depriving him of "the thrill of the hunt." And two, it makes the woman feel special. To know that this guy actually enjoys pursuing you, that's extremely flattering.
