Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This makes so much sense. So obvious, and yet, so beyond many people's grasp.
I think the problem is some people are focused only on what they want out of an interaction, and not what they're doing and how it's perceived.
The interaction boils down to you walking up to a complete stranger and expecting them to agree instantly to spend time with you, and on top of that, you've chosen them only because of how they look. I'm amazed that some people are so surprised that the answer is most often no.
Did you read my post? Seriously? Cause if you had, you wouldn't have avoided answering the question I posed. So I'll ask it again. If you had seen this man and found him attractive, would you have approached him? (Let's assume your mother wasn't there.) Most women in that situation would NOT approach the man. Why? Because most women expect men to do the pursuing. Therefore, if the man finds you attractive and wants to talk to you or ask you out, he has to make the first move. What he can't do is just stand there and wait for you to approach him. Now you keep saying that you've been hit on by a lot of guys and claiming that proves the men didn't have to pursue. But again, you're overlooking a very simple truth about dating. Men aren't pursued by women, at least not very often. Therefore, any guy who wants to get a date, be it with you or any other women, has to be the one pursuing. What happens to a man who never pursues, who never approaches, and never makes the first move? He most likely ends up alone. That's why I say he HAS to pursue. This is no different than if a company created a job opening. If I want that job, I HAVE to apply. If I don't, then I won't get the job. The company won't come find me and offer it. I have to pursue it.
Yes, I read your post. It doesn't make sense to me in response to what I am saying. I don't cold approach people because it takes more than a pretty face for me to be interested in someone. If I had seen this guy - I would not have approached him. It is not because I expect men to approach me. It is because I am not interested in hitting on someone I do not know. I have asked men out before - but it is based on WHO they are - not just what they look like. I need to have at least one or more conversations with someone before I become attracted enough to them to want to pursue them. And most of the relationships I have had - we have pursued each other.
So, in response to your question - if my mom had not been with me, would I have seen this guy driving by and flagged him down in his car? No. If he had been walking by me - would I have stopped him? No. Why not? Because my attraction to people does not work like that. Pure and simple.
Nobody has to hit on someone to have a relationship. Many, many relationships come out of meeting someone through work, school, social circles, etc. If you are hitting on strangers - it is because you want to. You can try to blame women for this by saying that we are too scared of rejection so that men have to do it -but I'm not buying it.
Do many men just walk up to random women and straight ask them out? I can't imagine doing that and I'm not sure I've seen it done (by non drunk people). Most everyone I would imagine would strike up a conversation with a person before going there; indeed, before you know if you want to go there.
Sometimes. More often than not - they ask right off the bat if I'm single. I'm not talking about people that I just randomly talk to - I'm talking about men that are obviously hitting on me. Sometimes they offer me their phone number right away.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Sometimes. More often than not - they ask right off the bat if I'm single. I'm not talking about people that I just randomly talk to - I'm talking about men that are obviously hitting on me. Sometimes they offer me their phone number right away.
Weird. I hope they are wearing a button that says "please reject me, I have no social skills".
I'm wondering if social skills are things one can develop? I think they might be.
Definitely walking up to someone (as if life were a fictional Hollywood movie) and asking if he/she is single, is kinda weird.
Doesn't mean the person is bad necessarily, just that they have no social skills, or are so incredibly immature that they need to go home to mommy for an extended stay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Weird. I hope they are wearing a button that says "please reject me, I have no social skills".
Weird. I hope they are wearing a button that says "please reject me, I have no social skills".
You'd be surprised. I was once hit on by a guy the second time he drove around the block after he had almost hit me, yelled at me to get out of the way, and honked at me the first time around. When he pulled up to me on his second time around the block, I told him, "Why on earth would I talk to you after you almost hit just a few minutes ago?" And he told me that he hadn't noticed how hot I was earlier and that I should give him a second chance. I don't remember how I responded but I might have been one of those "rude" women! I had another guy make me repeat his phone number and his name to me after I told him I had a boyfriend because he was convinced I would call him anyway. I'm not saying that ALL men hit on women or that ALL men enjoy it - but nobody is going to convince me that the ONLY reason that men hit on women is because they know that women won't hit on them.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
You'd be surprised.
Well, I guess if I'm honest with myself I wouldn't. I've learned not to underestimate the stupidity of the general public; that doesn't mean it doesn't shock me from time to time. I'm just thankful I don't attract or surround myself with these cretins.
Well, I guess if I'm honest with myself I wouldn't. I've learned not to underestimate the stupidity of the general public; that doesn't mean it doesn't shock me from time to time. I'm just thankful I don't attract or surround myself with these cretins.
Eh - it makes for some funny stories!!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I had another guy make me repeat his phone number and his name to me after I told him I had a boyfriend because he was convinced I would call him anyway. I'm not saying that ALL men hit on women or that ALL men enjoy it - but nobody is going to convince me that the ONLY reason that men hit on women is because they know that women won't hit on them.
