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I didn't insist or bring up the hunting analogy, but if you're going to use it, use it correctly and know a little bit about anthropology and animal behavior.
Yes, I know a little bit about animal behavior. Here's something I do know. If an animal wants something and they know it won't come to them, that leaves them with two options. Do nothing or go after it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I don't go out and chase women. Sometime I ask a woman out. Sometimes they ask me out. Pretty simple, really. Sure, I did some chasing in my young and dumb 20s before I realized what I was doing was really stupid and I should stop doing stupid things. When I do OLD now I generally turn on my profile and respond to the women that write me. It's only a few a week, but that's cool, there are usually some good ones in there. It's not really that complex, unless you make it complex.
Except that this thread is about women approaching men and the reasons they have for not doing so. That's great that you've had women ask you out. That's great that you've had women online send you messages. But that's still the exception. As this and similar threads have made plainly obvious, women in general do not pursue men. And most men are fully aware of this. You say it's not complex. And that's precisely my point. This is not a hard concept to grasp. If you want something, be it a job or a person, and you know that it's unlikely they'll pursue you, then your options are pretty clear. Sit back and do nothing. Or go after it or them.
idk. If women see an attractive guy with an interesting profile on OLD, they'll approach first. That's for either of two reasons: either the women don't get messaged much anyway, so they have to make the first move, or they get bombarded mostly by sleazy or one-word messages. So if they want a quality guy, they have to take the initiative. It makes sense that timberline would get messages from women online.
idk. If women see an attractive guy with an interesting profile on OLD, they'll approach first. That's for either of two reasons: either the women don't get messaged much anyway, so they have to make the first move, or they get bombarded mostly by sleazy or one-word messages. So if they want a quality guy, they have to take the initiative. It makes sense that timberline would get messages from women online.
Or they get approached by men who are decent, but are too far away, have some obvious deal-breaker (ie., I'm an atheist so a man claiming that he wants a "God-fearing" woman won't be a good match), or, TBH, they don't find physically appealing.
But here's an assumption I'll make: If someone has looked at my profile, but hasn't said hello, I assume he either found something there he didn't like, or, on certain sites, doesn't have a high enough membership to send a message. That might not be a good assumption to make, because rare as they may seem, I'm sure some guys actually read profiles, see something like an age requirement, and if they are a few years too young or old, respect the guideline and back away. Others will use an abbreviated way of signaling interest, like a wink or a star rating, and leave it at that. I find that a lot of those "short-form" methods come from guys who are a few years or miles out of range. (I do think most men on those sites disregard women's requirements and just go after what they want, though, if they even bother to read. I'd wager that more than half look at pictures, do a cursory glance for marital and kid status, and don't bother reading sentences.)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I do think most men on those sites disregard women's requirements and just go after what they want, though.
I wonder if this is why so many men complain about low response rates. I respect the boundaries. If they say they want 44-52 and I think they have a great profile, I'm not writing as I'm 42. If they say they want a blue collar guy, I'm not writing. Etc. Perhaps I do myself a disservice, but I don't think so. If they want to go outside their boundaries they can write me.
I wonder if this is why so many men complain about low response rates. I respect the boundaries. If they say they want 44-52 and I think they have a great profile, I'm not writing as I'm 42. If they say they want a blue collar guy, I'm not writing. Etc. Perhaps I do myself a disservice, but I don't think so. If they want to go outside their boundaries they can write me.
And this goes back to my point - there are many men that go after what they want regardless of anything else. And once again, I'm not saying that ALL men do this or that it's a good or a bad thing. But when you get hit on by married men, men who are driving by you on the street, men who won't take no for an answer when you tell them you have a boyfriend (not in a sexual way - in an asking you out way), etc. - it's just impossible to believe that they are ONLY asking you out because they know you won't ask them out first. My inaction has nothing to do with their action. Their action is based on what THEY want. But everyone is free to interpret this they way they want to…
And this goes back to my point - there are many men that go after what they want regardless of anything else. And once again, I'm not saying that ALL men do this or that it's a good or a bad thing. But when you get hit on by married men, men who are driving by you on the street, men who won't take no for an answer when you tell them you have a boyfriend (not in a sexual way - in an asking you out way), etc. - it's just impossible to believe that they are ONLY asking you out because they know you won't ask them out first. My inaction has nothing to do with their action. Their action is based on what THEY want. But everyone is free to interpret this they way they want to…
I've lost count of how many times you've failed to read. I never said they ONLY ask you out because you won't ask them out. That implies that they don't want to. But I never said they don't want to. What I said was that IF they want to go out with you and IF you won't ask them out, then that means they have to ask you out. In other words, their action is based on what they want AND your inaction. If I want to go out with a woman, but know she'll ask me out, then there's no reason for me to do the asking.
I've lost count of how many times you've failed to read. I never said they ONLY ask you out because you won't ask them out. That implies that they don't want to. But I never said they don't want to. What I said was that IF they want to go out with you and IF you won't ask them out, then that means they have to ask you out. In other words, their action is based on what they want AND your inaction. If I want to go out with a woman, but know she'll ask me out, then there's no reason for me to do the asking.
And I disagree. I haven't failed to read. I'm actually capable of reading! But you can keep harping on that if you would like.
I do not agree that their actions are based on 2 things. I think that their actions are based on 1 thing. I do not think that my inaction has anything to do with it. I think their actions are based on only what they want. You are free to disagree with me - which you obviously do - and once again, I'm okay with that.
I actually understand what you have been saying this entire time. I just disagree with it. And I have been assuming that you have been understanding what I have been saying - you just disagree with it. I'm not sure why you are getting so upset about it. We disagree. I'm okay with it.
I wonder if this is why so many men complain about low response rates. I respect the boundaries. If they say they want 44-52 and I think they have a great profile, I'm not writing as I'm 42. If they say they want a blue collar guy, I'm not writing. Etc. Perhaps I do myself a disservice, but I don't think so. If they want to go outside their boundaries they can write me.
Years ago, when OLD was new, I would hear from men who were close to what I stated. They would be polite about it, and say something like, "I know I'm a couple of years too old/young, but I saw so much in common with you, like [specific thing in my profile], that I thought I'd take a chance."
Lo and behold, I did go out with a few of them.
Things have changed since 2005, however. Far fewer people are inclined to put that much thought into it, it seems.
And I disagree. I haven't failed to read. I'm actually capable of reading! But you can keep harping on that if you would like.
I do not agree that their actions are based on 2 things. I think that their actions are based on 1 thing. I do not think that my inaction has anything to do with it. I think their actions are based on only what they want. You are free to disagree with me - which you obviously do - and once again, I'm okay with that.
I actually understand what you have been saying this entire time. I just disagree with it. And I have been assuming that you have been understanding what I have been saying - you just disagree with it. I'm not sure why you are getting so upset about it. We disagree. I'm okay with it.
I'm not upset, but I do take issue with you misrepresenting my argument. If you're going to disagree with it, fine. But please don't twist my words into something I DIDN'T say.
And yes, I do disagree with your logic. If you wanted a job with Google and you knew they weren't going to come to your house and offer it, would you go after it? Of course you would. But if you knew Google was going to come to you and offer you a job, would you still fly out to California to apply? Of course not. Because there would be no need.
I'm not upset, but I do take issue with you misrepresenting my argument. If you're going to disagree with it, fine. But please don't twist my words into something I DIDN'T say.
And yes, I do disagree with your logic. If you wanted a job with Google and you knew they weren't going to come to your house and offer it, would you go after it? Of course you would. But if you knew Google was going to come to you and offer you a job, would you still fly out to California to apply? Of course not. Because there would be no need.
That's not my logic. That might be your interpretation of my logic but that is not my logic. My logic is that, quite simply, many men hit on women because they see something they like and they go after it. I could understand you thinking that my inaction has something to do with it if I had made eye contact with the guy, maybe even smiled at him, and I still didn't make a move. In that situation - yes, it's possible that my inaction has contributed to his action. However, a guy driving past me on the street or walking past me in a store or seeing my from afar in a bar (I like that rhyme) and choosing to hit on me, in my opinion, is only based on his wanting to go after me and not on my inaction. That is the way I see things based on my experiences. And since you don't speak for all men - there is nothing that you can say that will make me think otherwise. You can keep trying to argue with me and trying to come up with different ways to see things - but the bottom line is that you think that these men are thinking, "She's hot. She's not going to approach me because women don't approach men so I'm going to approach her." And I think these men are thinking, "She's hot. I'm going to approach her."
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But you can keep harping on that if you would like. 
