Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes, I read your post. It doesn't make sense to me in response to what I am saying. I don't cold approach people because it takes more than a pretty face for me to be interested in someone. If I had seen this guy - I would not have approached him. It is not because I expect men to approach me. It is because I am not interested in hitting on someone I do not know. I have asked men out before - but it is based on WHO they are - not just what they look like. I need to have at least one or more conversations with someone before I become attracted enough to them to want to pursue them. And most of the relationships I have had - we have pursued each other.
So, in response to your question - if my mom had not been with me, would I have seen this guy driving by and flagged him down in his car? No. If he had been walking by me - would I have stopped him? No. Why not? Because my attraction to people does not work like that. Pure and simple.
Nobody has to hit on someone to have a relationship. Many, many relationships come out of meeting someone through work, school, social circles, etc. If you are hitting on strangers - it is because you want to. You can try to blame women for this by saying that we are too scared of rejection so that men have to do it -but I'm not buying it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I'm not saying that ALL men hit on women or that ALL men enjoy it - but nobody is going to convince me that the ONLY reason that men hit on women is because they know that women won't hit on them.
Once again, you're guilty of NOT reading. Show me where I say you HAVE to hit on someone to have a relationship. Show me where I blame women for being too scared of rejection forcing men to be the ones to make the first move. I never said either of you those things. You're just misreading my words. What I said was that the man HAS to make the first move because it's unlikely that the woman will. Now you say you wouldn't hit on the guy in the parking lot because you don't know him. But suppose you did know him. Suppose you were friends or coworkers and now you had an interest in one another. Would you ask him out or would you wait for him to ask you out? Maybe you're the type who'd ask him out. But judging by this and similar threads, most women would wait for the man to ask them out. Maybe they're afraid of being rejected. Maybe they think it's unladylike to ask a guy out. The reasons are irrelevant. What matters is that they won't pursue him. Therefore, the ball is in his court to make the first move. Her unwillingness to ask him out forces him to be the one to ask her out. Understand?
Now let's go back to the situation where two people don't know each other. I'm standing in a bookstore. I see an attractive woman in the same aisle. I smile at her. She smiles back. I'm interested in her and I think she's interested in me, not enough to suddenly ask her on a date, but enough to want to chat with her and see if we have anything in common. I can either wait for her to approach me or I can approach her. But again, we're back to whether or not a woman feels comfortable making that first move. Now you said you wouldn't approach a guy just because he's cute. Problem is you don't speak for all women. You only speak for yourself. Other women might be open to chatting with a cute stranger in a bookstore. But if they're unwilling to be the one who initiates, where does that leave the man? Obviously, it leaves him with two options. He can say nothing, in which case his opportunity to chat with this woman will slip away. Or he can go up and start a conversation with her. But because she's unwilling to approach him, he HAS to approach her, that is if he has any interest in her. If doesn't, he'll end up alone. Do you dispute that?
Once again, you're guilty of NOT reading. Show me where I say you HAVE to hit on someone to have a relationship. Show me where I blame women for being too scared of rejection forcing men to be the ones to make the first move. I never said either of you those things. You're just misreading my words. What I said was that the man HAS to make the first move because it's unlikely that the woman will. Now you say you wouldn't hit on the guy in the parking lot because you don't know him. But suppose you did know him. Suppose you were friends or coworkers and now you had an interest in one another. Would you ask him out or would you wait for him to ask you out? Maybe you're the type who'd ask him out. But judging by this and similar threads, most women would wait for the man to ask them out. Maybe they're afraid of being rejected. Maybe they think it's unladylike to ask a guy out. The reasons are irrelevant. What matters is that they won't pursue him. Therefore, the ball is in his court to make the first move. Her unwillingness to ask him out forces him to be the one to ask her out. Understand?
Now let's go back to the situation where two people don't know each other. I'm standing in a bookstore. I see an attractive woman in the same aisle. I smile at her. She smiles back. I'm interested in her and I think she's interested in me, not enough to suddenly ask her on a date, but enough to want to chat with her and see if we have anything in common. I can either wait for her to approach me or I can approach her. But again, we're back to whether or not a woman feels comfortable making that first move. Now you said you wouldn't approach a guy just because he's cute. Problem is you don't speak for all women. You only speak for yourself. Other women might be open to chatting with a cute stranger in a bookstore. But if they're unwilling to be the one who initiates, where does that leave the man? Obviously, it leaves him with two options. He can say nothing, in which case his opportunity to chat with this woman will slip away. Or he can go up and start a conversation with her. But because she's unwilling to approach him, he HAS to approach her, that is if he has any interest in her. If doesn't, he'll end up alone. Do you dispute that?
Yes, I disagree with most of what you are saying.
I don't know how to respond to you anymore since you keep accusing me of being unable to read what you are writing - and then you seem to contradict everything you are saying in your second paragraph.
I'm not usually attracted to someone with out getting to know them a bit so hitting on complete strangers just isn't something that would occur to me. I did ask complete strangers for their phone numbers before - but that was back when I was a teenager and just having fun. I have asked men out before - but they usually beat me to the punch.
I can relate. Women usually beat me to the punch. I can't remember the last time I asked a woman out.
I don't know how to respond to you anymore since you keep accusing me of being unable to read what you are writing - and then you seem to contradict everything you are saying in your second paragraph.
Bottom line - you aren't going to convince me that men only hit on women because women won't do it or that men don't enjoy hitting on women. I'm not saying that ALL men enjoy it or that it is innate for ALL men - but there are enough of them out there that I have encountered for me to know that there are indeed many such men.
You can disagree with me. I'm fine with that. And your posts seem to be all over the place to me - but perhaps we are just unable to understand each other. And I'm fine with that, too.
Bottom line - you aren't going to convince me that men only hit on women because women won't do it or that men don't enjoy hitting on women. I'm not saying that ALL men enjoy it or that it is innate for ALL men - but there are enough of them out there that I have encountered for me to know that there are indeed many such men.
You can disagree with me. I'm fine with that. And your posts seem to be all over the place to me - but perhaps we are just unable to understand each other. And I'm fine with that, too.
I'm not surprised. I don't think you were ever willing to entertain my argument. The fact that you keep saying "you're never going to convince me" suggests you had your mind made up right from the start. As for being all over the map, my posts have actually been consistent. I'm really not trying to convince you, but I do think it'll benefit some of our readers. But I stand by everything I've said. If women don't approach men, that leaves them with two options. Do nothing or approach her. Seems pretty obvious to me.
I'm not surprised. I don't think you were ever willing to entertain my argument. The fact that you keep saying "you're never going to convince me" suggests you had your mind made up right from the start. As for being all over the map, my posts have actually been consistent. I'm really not trying to convince you, but I do think it'll benefit some of our readers. But I stand by everything I've said. If women don't approach men, that leaves them with two options. Do nothing or approach her. Seems pretty obvious to me.
I thought I made it pretty obvious that my mind was made up right from the start and that I wasn't willing to entertain your arguments.
Yes - if women don't approach men, that leaves them with two options. However, I think there is a reason that it is more common for men to do the approaching - and it's not because women don't do it. I think part of it is innate for many men. You are free to believe differently and argue your case for what you believe to be the benefit of other readers.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Once again, you're guilty of NOT reading. Show me where I say you HAVE to hit on someone to have a relationship. Show me where I blame women for being too scared of rejection forcing men to be the ones to make the first move. I never said either of you those things. You're just misreading my words. What I said was that the man HAS to make the first move because it's unlikely that the woman will. Now you say you wouldn't hit on the guy in the parking lot because you don't know him. But suppose you did know him. Suppose you were friends or coworkers and now you had an interest in one another. Would you ask him out or would you wait for him to ask you out? Maybe you're the type who'd ask him out. But judging by this and similar threads, most women would wait for the man to ask them out. Maybe they're afraid of being rejected. Maybe they think it's unladylike to ask a guy out. The reasons are irrelevant. What matters is that they won't pursue him. Therefore, the ball is in his court to make the first move. Her unwillingness to ask him out forces him to be the one to ask her out. Understand?
