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I don't think there's anything wrong with needing alone time--I think it's a good thing. I did know a girl once, though, who couldn't stand the house to be quiet--she had to leave each day, too, even when she wasn't working, just to get out. She NEEDED people and activity or she went crazy; she was the exact opposite of me.
If you're considering marriage, just make sure your guy knows how you really need your downtime, and figure out how you can handle it.
Married 25 yrs here. I NEED quiet time. I'm a writer and work from home, so I usually have the whole day "alone", but last year hubby changed positions in his job and worked from home, and I thought I'd pull my hair out (he's since back at an office--thank goodness!). He can't be quiet, and the TV always has to be on. When we relocated several years ago, people wondered why we didn't downsize, given we were getting older, but we'd already learned that we each need a lot of space. Still, when he's home full-time, I know he's here, so the house really isn't big enough--ha. He used to travel a good bit with his job, and I miss the more regular business trips--I LOVE having a few days to string together where I know I don't have to worry about dinner, etc. I'm perfectly happy with peanut butter sandwiches or popcorn for dinner. A trip longer than a week, though, and I'm feeling lonely, and I'm very glad to see him.
So, I guess for me, it's not so much being "alone" as it is having "quiet time". I just don't like a lot of noise. Maybe growing up like an only child (my siblings were all grown and out of the house by the time I was 4) has something to do with it. I remember my mom looking forward to my dad going to deer camp in the fall. The ONLY time Daddy was ever away from home overnight.
I'm a guy and I can say this, I definitely need it. Funny thing is that I am an extrovert, but if I am around the same person too long then I need a break every once in a while.
For me, it has nothing to do with the person (or people), just a need for space and quiet and doing my own thing. It's not the people, specifically, that I need a break from. It's just being around other people, in general.
I don't think there's anything wrong with needing alone time--I think it's a good thing. I did know a girl once, though, who couldn't stand the house to be quiet--she had to leave each day, too, even when she wasn't working, just to get out. She NEEDED people and activity or she went crazy; she was the exact opposite of me.
If you're considering marriage, just make sure your guy knows how you really need your downtime, and figure out how you can handle it.
Married 25 yrs here. I NEED quiet time. I'm a writer and work from home, so I usually have the whole day "alone", but last year hubby changed positions in his job and worked from home, and I thought I'd pull my hair out (he's since back at an office--thank goodness!). He can't be quiet, and the TV always has to be on. When we relocated several years ago, people wondered why we didn't downsize, given we were getting older, but we'd already learned that we each need a lot of space. Still, when he's home full-time, I know he's here, so the house really isn't big enough--ha. He used to travel a good bit with his job, and I miss the more regular business trips--I LOVE having a few days to string together where I know I don't have to worry about dinner, etc. I'm perfectly happy with peanut butter sandwiches or popcorn for dinner. A trip longer than a week, though, and I'm feeling lonely, and I'm very glad to see him.
So, I guess for me, it's not so much being "alone" as it is having "quiet time". I just don't like a lot of noise. Maybe growing up like an only child (my siblings were all grown and out of the house by the time I was 4) has something to do with it. I remember my mom looking forward to my dad going to deer camp in the fall. The ONLY time Daddy was ever away from home overnight.
Thank you, Maggie!.... and everyone else. My boyfriend is the cutest thing since sliced bread. I love being with him, but it's nice to wander around his apartment alone and do the silly stuff that I like to do... like mess with my hair, watch girly stuff on the internet or scrub the bathtub. He always asks if I need help doing the dishes. I always decline, because I use that time to be alone with my thoughts. I think he's the same way when he's cooking. I can see his little wheels turning, so I don't bother him while he's cooking.
For us, even when we're physically together, we have our time that we're doing our own thing quietly. Usually reading. We have a ritual of going to the beach early each Saturday a.m. Usually bring a thermos of coffee and pack some breakfast. We spread out a blanket and hang out and read for a few hours, sipping coffee on a secluded strip of sand. Being able to be quiet together is an important thing.
Don't worry in the slightest about what he's going to think/feel about you spending time alone. If you were spending this time with other people, it might make him feel insecure. But I think he will see your alone time as just that, so long as you guys are getting along fine when you are together (which of course should be most of the time, yes). Guys don't typically get worried/paranoid about their women spending time away from them, unless it seems there are other people (especially other guys) spending it with them.
I am speaking from my own perspective and experience. I make no promise that my opinion is truly representative of most men.
My wife and I have alone time. She sometimes goes to visit relatives for a weekend I stay home. Sometimes I go hunting or fishing or go work on my trucks or get immersed in a book. It's ok. You don't need to be glued to your SO
If you are a married woman, do you enjoy spending time alone even though you love your man dearly?
Entirely natural. Many people would get something akin to cabin fever if they were in each others pockets all the time.
Of course there are people at the other end of that spectrum who spend all their time together - at home and even at work - and they are ok with it. But I find myself hard pushed to imagine them even being close ao a majority.
In my own relationship we have our lives together but we have a seperate one too. Some friends over lap. Some do not. Some hobbies do. Some do not. A lot of our times does. But a lot does not.
We even have seperate bedrooms. Sure most nights they are in mine - or I am in one of theirs - but often there are nights too when one of us just wants to be able to go to our room and close the door and just - be.
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Originally Posted by 1986pacecar
That wasn't my point. If you look at her original post she used the word "love" to describe her alone time
So what? I love mine too and see no issue with that at all.
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Originally Posted by 1986pacecar
nothing resembling that describing her relationship.
Are we reading a different OP? She painted her relationship in a very positive light in my reading of it. You appear to be reading what you want to read and ignoring the rest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
Guys don't typically get worried/paranoid about their women spending time away from them, unless it seems there are other people (especially other guys) spending it with them.
And thankfully - in my own experience at least - guys don't typically get worried about their partner(s) spending time away from them WITH other people either.
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