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Actually, not many, and the longer it took, the more significant the relationship turned out to be. My ex-husband got to know me over the course of a year before we started dating. My last significant SO took six months. One thing I can't stand about online dating, and why I stopped, is because of garbage like form letters and short emails that were so obviously just cut and pasted from message to message that they tripped the spam warning in my in-box on POF. (Yep, when you see that warning not to transfer any money to anyone, you know a whole bunch of people got the same message or something very close to it from the same person.) I can also tell when a man is multidating. The dates feel scripted.
You have to have a sense of timing about this stuff, and be able to read people, both their expressions and their body language. Most women send out signals. If you spend six months or a year on someone who friendzones you, chances are she friendzoned you within the first month and you were just too dense or blindly hopeful to pick up on it.
But don't look at me. I'm not the one who is on here seeking help for social awkwardness, and my posting history is not riddled with endless complaints about not being able to get it together with the opposite sex. I'm pretty successful at dating when I want to date, but what do I know? Please, by all means, tell me, l'il woman that I am, how many people I've rejected, what I like in a man, and how men have established relationships with me in the past.
That is going to be the reality since most women do not respond to many messages. However, I agree that it is annoying, which is why I pay attention to a woman's profile if I decide to message, despite the fact that the few messages I receive are generic 'Hey' or 'What's Up' messages from women I can tell I'm incompatible with (live too far away, much older than me, etc).
Hey just to be clear, I don't have personal investment in this thread because I'm getting married in August, thank you very much.
I already have my own ways of getting to date women that upon asking my feminist sister, are apparently incredibly misogynist and anti-feminist (I disagree) but have allowed me to get to know some nice women and most importantly, to meet my now fiancee. I'm interested in feminist-friendly advice for other people, having more than a couple of male friends who are in their mid twenties and haven't had a real relationship before. I want these people to have some PRACTICAL advice. Not just general behaviors that are obvious to anyone who isn't a psychopathic monster or living under a rock, like treating women like human beings and knowing them as individuals. These people have female friends but have problems going from mere platonic relationships to something more, and treating them the way that they treat their guy friends isn't getting them anywhere.
Please try to see things from a socially anxious guy's point of view. One who isn't a Nice Guy with an entitlement complex but has found that simply treating women like human beings has given him quite a few female acquaintances and even some casual friends, but no one who sees him as dating material.
How did you feel about what I wrote, about the differences between close friends and acquaintances?
You are basically asking, in this thread, that the women of the forum repeat especially for you all the things we say in every thread started by a socially anxious guy. Something seems... off, about that. If you want to know, why not just read our old posts?
I'm not buying the 'misogyny got me a fiancee' line.
Lol..thats what i was thinking...like, ur asking people who will never like men anyway, what they think would make a man a better man?...lol...the answer is in the question...
Lol..thats what i was thinking...like, ur asking people who will never like men anyway, what they think would make a man a better man?...lol...the answer is in the question...
Dude, feminists love men! Or at least...they love me.
How did you feel about what I wrote, about the differences between close friends and acquaintances?
You are basically asking, in this thread, that the women of the forum repeat especially for you all the things we say in every thread started by a socially anxious guy. Something seems... off, about that. If you want to know, why not just read our old posts?
I'm looking for what women who have strong feelings against misogyny think.
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I'm not buying the 'misogyny got me a fiancee' line.
I never said I was misogynist.
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Originally Posted by NilaJones
The socially awkward guy learns this stuff from books and movies targeting a female audience, from the female friends that he has emotionally close, two-way conversations with(not only he or only she talking about their troubles), and from the two years of counseling that he went to before thinking about dating.
Before asking the girl out, he asks his female friends whether they think she is attracted to him.
Okay if we're talking about a girl that the guy sort of knows but isn't friends with, his female friends would probably say that no, she's not attracted to him (due to his shyness and awkwardness).
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Also, the socially awkward guy recognises that converting a friend to a dating partner, as opposed to dating someone he met more recently, is advanced level romance. He does not attempt it if he has never had a relationship. (Although, from what you describe, she may not actually be a friend, more friend-of-friends.)
I agree. Though I've seen this given as advice a lot.
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ETA: The correct response to 'no' is some form of 'thank you'. No, I am not kidding. She has done you the favor of being honest.
If she has actually said the word no, she has also broken a taboo in order to give you clarity and closure. Women are not supposed to say that word.
More likely, she says something like, 'Oh, I would love to, but I have a boyfriend / am moving to Cleveland / promised my hymen to Satan.'
Then your response is, 'Aw, such a shame. <smile at her> Thanks for letting me down easy.'
When I write "she said 'no'", I don't literally mean it. I know that most people have enough tact to say stuff like this.
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Originally Posted by Djuna
Good god, if I see one more thread about being socially anxious/awkward/women make me poop my pants...I'm, going to vomit all over my screen. Almost everyone in the world has some nervousness about meeting the opposite sex...you aren't special, you're just pathetic for using it as an excuse.
And for the OP, as a feminist, my advice to these sad cases is put on your big boy pants.
Your type of feminist, which lacks any sort of empathy for socially anxious men, is the reason why you have guys who say crap like this:
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Originally Posted by doodlemagic
Why would any guy want advice from a feminist? Thats their forst problem right there.
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Originally Posted by West of Encino
I wouldn't ask for or take any advice from them.
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Originally Posted by soletaire
Lol..thats what i was thinking...like, ur asking people who will never like men anyway, what they think would make a man a better man?...lol...the answer is in the question...
Why don't socially awkward men try to date socially awkward women? You can help each other, discover that you can feel like a normal person, that you are able to enjoy a healthy relationship, just like the one's you've yearned for. But that's too obvious, so instead you shoot for the sky, and expect to use magical techniques to score a woman? There is no wand that will magically get you there. It's a combination of many things, but the basics are that you have to improve yourself. Just flush all the negativity that you project to people you approach. Being socially awkward with zero experience in true relationships will always be a handicap if you are trying to date women who have experience. You will have better luck trying to learn about dating by dating another socially awkward/shy/inexperienced person, and together, you can educate yourselves on what it takes to be a good partner.
You don't fall in love and then talk to her. That's not what love means.
This needs to be a banner across the top of the forum.
Anything else is an unrequited crush, lust, fantasy, imagination. If you want to date and have relationships, they require action.
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Please, by all means, tell me, l'il woman that I am, how many people I've rejected, what I like in a man, and how men have established relationships with me in the past.
