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I'm married now, so this may not be a deal breaker anymore. But in my single days, I wouldn't have lasted more than a few minutes in a club populated by 80% male patrons. I preferred places where women were more plentiful, not a 1 in 5 ratio. The U.S. is pretty evenly split between men and women, with a slight tilt toward women. This holds true in the vast majority of places across the U.S. If I walked into a place and saw that many men, I'd think I was in the wrong kind of place and wouldn't stick around. If a pack of beautiful women went "unnoticed" for that long in such a place, it would confirm my suspicions.
Australia in a lot of places surprisingly is almost 2:1 on some nights (2 women to every 1 guy).
Well perhaps times have changed, but if that's the case then both genders have to adapt. Not just men. It does no good to stereotype all young men as wussies.
Asking if someone knows how to wing is not stereotyping all young men as wussies. Not sure where you're connecting dots that aren't even on the same page.
Times have changed. Human nature has not. Humans--healthy humans--are social creatures and tend to mature out of teenage awkwardness and insecurity when they are no longer teenagers. It's just natural development to be able to carry on a conversation.
Not only that, but I am absolutely, positively convinced that all of these social awkwardness issues people talk about on this forum and others are not nearly as prevalent as their appearance here would suggest. It's like how INTJs only make up 2% or so of the population, but every poll on here about MBTI shows us as about 25% of the membership. Self-selecting audience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I admit it, I don't. I don't really even understand it conceptually. Though my friends and I were never the type to go out to look to hook up. I wouldn't even know how to go about it.
It's not even about hooking up. It's about meeting people. You've never been out in a group of guys and started talking to a group of women?
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster
That's not what they're doing. They're saying the dudes who freeze, and don't approach are the wusses. That is by no means all young dudes. I don't disagree that approaching a table of 5 women can be intimidating, and strategically tricky, if you're alone. But if you're with a buddy, it's doable.
Thank you.
I don't know why any man would go out alone or approach a group of women alone, anyway. That would tend to creep women out, like, doesn't the guy have any friends? He's just hanging around a bar by himself and walking up to women? Too desperate for words.
I don't know why any man would go out alone or approach a group of women alone, anyway. That would tend to creep women out, like, doesn't the guy have any friends? He's just hanging around a bar by himself and walking up to women? Too desperate for words.
I mean going out alone on a random Tuesday night is no big deal. If a guy who is well put together and can hold a decent conversation, he should not come off as a creep even if the women are not interested in him.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
It's not even about hooking up. It's about meeting people. You've never been out in a group of guys and started talking to a group of women?
I rarely go out with groups of guys. I did some in my 20s, that's it.
I generally go out alone or with the person (I was) dating. On occasion with a guy friend, but most of those are married or live outside of the city. And we talk to people, both men and women. It's just talking to people, there is no thought or strategy surrounding it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I don't know why any man would go out alone or approach a group of women alone, anyway. That would tend to creep women out, like, doesn't the guy have any friends? He's just hanging around a bar by himself and walking up to women? Too desperate for words.
I go out alone because I feel like going out. Most of my friends live in different states, I move around a lot and I was late 30s before I settled here. The last person I dated I met in a bar/lounge alone, her and her friend sat next to me at the bar and we talked and it it off. I don't really ever recall doing an "approach". If we end up talking and hitting it off, we do.
I admit it, I don't. I don't really even understand it conceptually. Though my friends and I were never the type to go out to look to hook up. I wouldn't even know how to go about it.
I'm with you. Every time I've gone to bars it's been with friends to watch a sporting event or to just have a few beers. I've never done a cold approach at a bar, and I certainly would have never had some "wingman" do it for me. The whole thing just seems like playing games to me, but apparently it works for some. Not my thing though. Never been into nightclubs either. I had a lot of success (especially in my twenties) going to see live music. I'd go to see bands three or four nights a week and met a lot of women. The great thing about that is you know you have a common interest and striking up a conversation is so easy.
From both my personal experience, and also what I've been told by several of my female friends, (young) women who go out to clubs/bars in groups enjoy the male attention that they do get, but rarely want to actually indulge any of the men who approach them. For many of them, it's a means of validation (and free drinks) and nothing more. From what I gather, women tend to prefer lower pressure environments for making a romantic connection with a guy.
Don't approach the entire group at once. Wait until 1 (not the one you're attracted to) goes to the bar/restroom and do this:
"Hey, your friend over there is really cute. I was wondering if she's seeing anyone?"
If the girl says 'no'.
Say: "I know this is a little awkward, but would you mind introducing me to her?" (She's now your wingman).
Either way, she's going to tell her friend someone was asking about her, she'll point you out and you'll know soon enough whether she's interested or not.
I have heard this a fair share of times. Why do you think this is the case? I am sure there are always exceptions, perhaps?
Very, very rare exceptions. Unless it's a singles event or a meetup event this can backfire in a bad way. When a man gets rejected he does not just shrug it off, like they do in the movies or on tv show. In reality he takes it personal and it ruins his night. Some guys might pretend that it does not hurt their feelings, but it really does.
I have seen women downright insult a guy (these are usually younger women from my experience) and it seems like they either do not care they hurt his feelings, or think his emotions are "tin and hollow" and that within a few minutes he will just find someone else. Kinda like what you see on tv shows.
But the reality is when something like this happens it can be days, months, or sometimes years before he feels comfortable enough to try something like that again.
Nobody likes having their feelings hurt or being rejected.
If a woman is interested in me ands i'm not into her, i'll still talk to her and maybe even buy her a drink. Then I will let her know in nice ways that perhaps I might not be an ideal match for her, just from our converstaion. But not once will I ever be rude or insult her. That is just something I would feel bad about if I did to someone who was nice enough and risked their feelings just to let me know they were interested.
Very, very rare exceptions. Unless it's a singles event or a meetup event this can backfire in a bad way. When a man gets rejected he does not just shrug it off, like they do in the movies or on tv show. In reality he takes it personal and it ruins his night. Some guys might pretend that it does not hurt their feelings, but it really does.
I have seen women downright insult a guy (these are usually younger women from my experience) and it seems like they either do not care they hurt his feelings, or think his emotions are "tin and hollow" and that within a few minutes he will just find someone else. Kinda like what you see on tv shows.
But the reality is when something like this happens it can be days, months, or sometimes years before he feels comfortable enough to try something like that again.
Nobody likes having their feelings hurt or being rejected.
If a woman is interested in me ands i'm not into her, i'll still talk to her and maybe even buy her a drink. Then I will let her know in nice ways that perhaps I might not be an ideal match for her, just from our converstaion. But not once will I ever be rude or insult her. That is just something I would feel bad about if I did to someone who was nice enough and risked their feelings just to let me know they were interested.
Sadly not everyone is this nice though.
Okay, "ruins the night" I'll maybe grant you. Days...if it's bad enough I maybe can see a guy dwelling on it for a few days. But honestly, a guy who lets it get to him for weeks, months or years...what a weaka$$. Rejection is part of it and if you can't handle it don't approach.
I've been rejected plenty of times, and plenty of times by girls who make it a sport to "reject with style." I'm not tin or hollow, but I'm also smart enough to recognize when it's just a game to a girl and that she's trying to be nasty. And once I recognized that, I suddenly was at a loss of memory for why I approached in the first place. She all of a sudden was no longer attractive to me. And just like that...I was fine.
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