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One thing you need to think about is if should you go ahead and stay with him, is what your life could be like in say 10 or 20 years. Do you want to be a caregiver, taking care of him in his old age? It sounds like he lives a hard life that takes a toll on his body. How much longer can he take it? Also, his industry is dangerous (likely part of the mystique), what would you do if he is permanently injured? Become his caregiver even earlier?
You are young and have the majority of your life ahead of you. If you really feel the need to explore this relationship further, please take the advice of others and do nothing that can become permanent. Also, I looked back one your original post and there was nothing about his feelings. Did he indicate that he wanted something more? What was his reaction when you said you'd be back next month? For all you know he may have been only interested in a fling and he took your coming back as just a continuation of it.
I am having a hard time. I broke up with my ex last year, after I discovered he was much more interested in his money than he was in me. My previous ex cheated on me and after I dumped him he begged me to forgive him. My exes were all such jerks. The type of guys my family liked, socially respectable with good carreers, but they were not real men to me. Sounds like it is the first time I met one. Probably the european community does not offer much in this sense. The problem is that I love my family, I am afraid they will be mad at me when I will tell them what's happening, I won't have their support nor I will have a job easily (for two reasons, first I am not a U.S. citizen, second he is old fashioned and thinks I should be home, he as a man wants to provide). I think I'm going to feel extremely lonely and will miss my family and friends to death if I choose to move, by the way.
And how did you end up with your two previous exes? Did they also start as torrid love affairs like this one or did you just date them because your family liked them? If you are so ready to move to another country and live with a guy you only spent a few weeks with, I really question whether your judgment is always heavily influenced by impulsiveness. You're in cloud nine with infatuation so everything seems wonderful but you will come down to earth soon enough. Perhaps this time you can make a rational decision before wasting a few more years on jerk number three.
Call me crazy but moving to an isolated island that has few job opportunities in a foreign country with a relative stranger who is twice your age does not seem like a great idea.
Call me crazy but moving to an isolated island that has few job opportunities in a foreign country with a relative stranger who is twice your age does not seem like a great idea.
Don't hurry. Just take your time. Your idea was good. Plan another get together with him to know him better.
This is coming from me who wed a man, a stranger I met online after only 2 months of dating and a week living together.
But we both are in our 40s. You are just too young to marry, especially with an age gap like that.
In the end though, it's up to you. IN my case my husband has proven that he is worth it, I mean my trust. He really is the best I have dated online, and I had dated bajillion of them so I do have real comparisons. So my husband stood out.
And you know, I also always use my brain. NEVER my heart, but in my husband's case, I use my heart for the first time ever in my life.
\\Added from the OP's post below:
Yeah you know you say the word I was looking for. My husband really made me felt special, and taken care of, when we were dating.
None of the bajillion guys I met online made me feel that way, ever. SO that's why I said he stood out.
Last edited by supergirlygirl; 09-08-2015 at 02:22 PM..
My heart would marry him tomorrow.
I admit now that "call me crazy but moving to an isolated island that has few job opportunities in a foreign country with a relative stranger who is twice your age does not seem a great idea" made me laugh alone about myself because, and I'm not ashamed for it, I felt ridiculous. Seriously.
With my exes? Well the first of my "serious" relationships started because he was a 30 y.o. handsome womaniser with a lot of money, I was 19 and I was fascinated at the beginning. My parents thought he was serious probably because of the gifts I was receiving, but he was constantly cheating and lying. I found out he was trying to hook up with a friend of mine once and all at once I realised how much he sucked. It lasted two years. After some months I started going out with another guy, son of a couple my parents know, he was perfect for them, and I just did not have the time to think if I really loved him because of the incredible pressure from my mother. He was more calm and "homeboy" than the party animal cheat I was with before, honestly he was boring for me, I realised I thought of him more like a friend than a boyfriend. Anyway he was so kind and seemed so into me, I tried not to think about it. But when last year he asked me to move in with him and eventually get married I realised I had to break it up. Naturally mother has been mad at me for months. My personal idea is that who worse who better I always have been with men who tried to "buy" me, to have the "perfect life", men who were born in a certain wealth and did not know real life. An hypocrite world. I asked myself what values could these people teach to their children, I asked myself would they die for saving me from something, and I answered no to myself.
I do agree with most of what you have written, just because as I was saying, I am in love but still not totally insane. I would not be seeking for others' ideas if I was sure of what I am doing and how to do it.
I am sure about how I feel about him, but this is enough in fairy tales. In real life you must know how to cope with things, having goosebumps is not enough to make permanent moves. I just know it.
I am against suggesting marriage. I am east-european minded in this, I like to be courted and in fact it would be difficult for me to say marry me. I'd rather tell him, when I go back, something like "what do you think about my stay here?" so to introduce the issue and see if he has a remote idea of marrying me or not.
I obviously KNOW he's MUCH older. But maybe that's the last of my problems: if among the many things to worry about in a relationship we add age difference, we would have pre-estabilished relationships only. It is a risk in 10 years I could become a caregiver (but he's extremely strong and lively, I think it will take longer). But what I know is that he told me by the time he'll be older than 60, he won't be working anymore. He lived in a simple way and this made him save enough money to live without working. He still lives in a simple way, I mean, he has his truck, his boat, his wooden two floors house is more close to a shanty than to a real house (little furnished, he sleeps more times on a hammock than in his bed...), he hardly leaves for a holiday, he does not have expenses. That's how a working class guy became financially stable.
So, just to say age does not worry me as much as other matters and I mean, if he wants me, he must quit going after whales (or whatever). I would not be comfortable with the idea he's somewhere out on dangerous trips. I am not going to ask him to change otherwise I'd rather be with someone else, but I am not someone who gives up to having reasonable rights (as a woman or wife).
I am surprised, I did not think of the "if you'll be longing for fun he supposedly won't be with you" thing. This may be true. He is grouchy and I know that his kind of personality is not generally socially appreciated. It's true on the other hand that I confess I felt flattered by his attention due to this kind of personality he shows and he's known for. I don't know if you can understand me, but actually I felt very "special". You know... when you get the interest of someone like him, it makes you feel more worthy than when you get the interest of a common city metrosexual playboy who chases any good looking woman he sees. You just think it takes a special kind of woman to get through this crusty behaviour, to reach the heart of a tough person who seemed to have given up companionship long before you came. This is how I feel at least.
I did not write too much about his feelings because I already did write a lot and did not want to become kinda unreadable. I can't blame you all for thinking "this girl is a little stupid" but I am not going to think to move for a someone who did not make me really think to be interested. I'm not going to dream and say "he'll move to Europe" because I think he would NEVER move (and he is one of those who are sure it's the woman who follows, not the man) but he told me I should move. We shared very romantic moments. In the beginning he was held back, after my attempts of putting him at his ease and letting him know I was looking for a man like him, he let me see he can be sweet too and one of the things that still melts my heart is that he said "if you want to join me, we're gonna be fine, we'll take care of each other". Do you think it is something you say to a summer fling?
He asked me stuff like "why does a girl like you spend time with a man like me?" because it's clear we have different backgrounds, but I told him the truth, I told him about my life, what I have and what I think misses in it, how tired I am of a certain type of men I am surrounded by. It felt incredible sometimes how his usual attitude faded and left place to tenderness. Maybe I'm just ingenuous, but he must be a real crook to do this with no interest and risking to spoil someone's life for nothing.
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