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Of course not, but he was never a 'sinner'. He never gave me reason to doubt him before, and he's a total family guy and a guy who doesn't even like going out or even getting drunk at bars. IF he now went around cheating then he would have changed and not the other way around (That he was always like this).
I gotcha ~ ( I have no idea if you were the same poster or not ) ~ My comment was more so in response to why people still go on to risk further entanglements like marriage when a partner is repeatedly and clearly showing they cannot - and should not - be trusted at all.
So sometimes you meet girls at parties, exchange numbers, text with them every day for hours over a period of weeks and then meet up with them for lunch without mentioning it to your wife? Yea, that sounds totally okay.
No. I meet people playing tennis, we usually talk about our families on the court, there doesn't wind up being reason to constantly talk about them later when we text, and sometimes we just get on a funny texting roll or see something the other person would like. I even bought a new friend scoring thing they were really excited about because it was so funny how excited they were to see it when they found it one time. So when I saw it, I bought it.
Strangely, I have not felt compelled to cheat. But my wife doesn't know about every guy or gal I wind up playing with or seeing repeatedly at group tennis events.
I do have to say the reason I don't talk about them necessarily with my wife is different than the reason your husband said. Your husband said it was so that you didn't take it the wrong way. That's not my reason. My reason is because I don't want to bore her to death with inconsequential BS.
I do have to say the reason I don't talk about them necessarily with my wife is different than the reason your husband said. Your husband said it was so that you didn't take it the wrong way. That's not my reason. My reason is because I don't want to bore her to death with inconsequential BS.
What less inconsequential BS do you not bore her to death with?
No. I meet people playing tennis, we usually talk about our families on the court, there doesn't wind up being reason to constantly talk about them later when we text, and sometimes we just get on a funny texting roll or see something the other person would like. I even bought a new friend scoring thing they were really excited about because it was so funny how excited they were to see it when they found it one time. So when I saw it, I bought it.
Strangely, I have not felt compelled to cheat. But my wife doesn't know about every guy or gal I wind up playing with or seeing repeatedly at group tennis events.
I do have to say the reason I don't talk about them necessarily with my wife is different than the reason your husband said. Your husband said it was so that you didn't take it the wrong way. That's not my reason. My reason is because I don't want to bore her to death with inconsequential BS.
It's funny because I was thinking that as well. Some people don't mention their conversations with other people to their SO because it just doesn't matter, or they aren't even thinking about it.
But OP, instead of posting on a message board and stewing about this, arguing with other people on how they conduct their relationships, and getting riled up about something your husband did six months ago, you should be communicated with him and working on your own trust issues. It's clear that you still find his behavior unacceptable, so then go talk to HIM about it.
And if you really find his behavior that shady, you need to question whether this relationship is for you.
I think that the OP should probably let it go. I can see it sort of ticking off a smallish red flag. But again overall it appears like it was on the up and up.....
When men and women are friends I think you have to be vigilant about keeping that boundary up. I have a female friend and we naturally don't have to fight the urge to get together, have a brother sister vibe going, but I think like I said... people need to keep an eye out... I'm referring most to married people here.
It's funny because I was thinking that as well. Some people don't mention their conversations with other people to their SO because it just doesn't matter, or they aren't even thinking about it.
I'm not mentioning every conversation I ever have to him, but for sure I'd mention a guy I'm texting every single day for weeks. Not just to 'not make it look bad' but also it just happens naturally. If I talk so much to one person, there is usually something interesting at least and I wanna tell my husband. For example, I talk a lot to a girlfriend of mine who lives in my home city (far away), my husband has never met her. Most stuff we talk probably wouldn't interest him, but sometimes she says something funny or we talk about something that happened and I just mention it to him. I know guys are different, but even he does that sometimes when he talks to friends, he gives me a small and random anecdote what they said or so.
What less inconsequential BS do you not bore her to death with?
Stuff that matters. Stuff that would interest her. Funny stuff. I mean, I could talk about all the minute details of my day...did I brush my teeth up or down this time? How many seconds did I rinse with Listerine? Did I sign 35 charts or 34? Did I hit all the red lights on the way home? Did I eat broccoli or carrots with lunch?
I mean, crap happens all day long that is just silly stuff that isn't worth talking about again. A lot of that is personal interaction with other people. Telling her someone texted bc they enjoyed eating food just sounds completely asinine to me.
I talk all day long at work. I talk to people. I talk on the phone. I have the same damn conversations day in and day out. The last thing I want to do when I go home is have another boring conversation. Rehashing old conversations from the day would qualify as another boring conversation.
By the way, op. I never cheated on my wife. But I did cheat on my ex (gf, not wife - it was just making out, no sex, but still cheating in my book). And she KNEW the extent and subject matter of all of my interactions with this person. This was not a hidden person. So hiding or not hiding the person can be entirely irrelevant.
I just need your opinion on this. My husband (31) and I (28) have been together for four year, married for almost one. Our relationship is great and doesn't lack of anything, I'm happy and I've always trusted him... well, til a few months ago.
Six months ago, I was watching Netflix while my husband was taking a shower. As usual, he left his phone next to the bed. We always let our phones lie around everywhere, he also lets me use his phone whenever I want, same for his computer,and same for my phone and computer (and we know our passwords), maybe one of the reasons I trust him. Well, his phone blinked next to me, and without really thinking I looked at it. It was a girl's name I've never heard of, and it said 'It was really nice seeing you yesterday' and 'I hope we can repeat this some time soon'. I got suspicious, since he hadn't told me anything about meeting anyone the day before. He was at work all day as usual, got home and had dinner with me. No word of meeting some girl. Curiosity got me, and I checked his phone (yes, for the first time ever actually). There was a pretty long chat with her. I scrolled through it pretty quickly, so I guess I read most of it. It was just normal talk about stuff, but also 'weird' stuff:
- He sent her a picture of some slices of bread and wrote 'This reminded me of you'
- He sent her a picture of both of them together, sitting smiling at the lunch table next to each other (probably taken by the waiter)
- She wrote 'I wish I could live in your city, I hate mine'
- She wrote 'It was really nice seeing you yesterday' and 'I hope we can repeat this some time soon' (he didn't write anything like that)
- They talked about hobbies and taste in food, but not even once about partners or anything like that
No lovey-dovey talk (at least from his side), but still. He had talked to her almost every day for two weeks, without ever mentioning her to me. Since my husband never goes out alone and we spend most of our free time together, one thing directly came to my mind: Exactly two weeks before (when he started talking to her on WhatsApp), he went to a male friend's birthday party, we have this friend in common. I then confronted my husband. He was very calm and didn't seem to be angry for me checking his phone, but maybe he was just good at staying calm. He explained me that he met her two weeks earlier at that friend's birthday party (as expected), that our friend's friend brought her and that everyone at the party talked to her, because nobody really knew her. That she's just some friendly girl who lives in a city 6 hours from us and that she gave everyone her phone number. He said he just wanted to be nice, and that there's absolutely nothing to worry about. He apologised that he didn't tell me about meeting her the day before, explained that she was in our city for business for one day and that she asked him to meet her for an hour lunch before getting back to work. He said he didn't tell me about it because he didn't want me to think the wrong thing. If he had told me BEFORE he met her how he met her etc it would have been okay, but not like this.
After talking to him, I called our mutual friend (the birthday boy) and asked him about it. He confirmed everything my husband said- That some friend brought her to the party, that she was just very friendly and that everyone talked to her, not just my husband. Of course, he could be lying to cover up for him, but I usually trust him. He also confirmed that she lives in another city (without me telling him what I know) and that he also has her number and talked to her on WhatsApp too, and that he can show me their messages if I want too. He says I shouldn't worry, she was just nice and probably looking for new friends.
Now, six months later, I feel like I'm still not really over it. I have told my husband that I'd prefer if he doesn't talk to random women on WhatsApp (or other chats), and much less that he meets them for lunch (without telling me!). He apologised again and said it was wrong what he did and that he's not planning on staying in touch with her. Right after that, I didn't really trust him, so I checked his phone again once in a while, as well as his computer. No signs of any messaging with her or anything like that, til this day. I haven't checked his phone or computer the past two months.
I don't know, am I exaggerating? Talking to that girl almost every day for two weeks on WhatsApp (very long chats), meeting her for lunch without even mentioning her, kind of hurt my trust in him a lot. I always felt like I'm the only one for him, and I expect from him to do the same as me- I'd never text some random guy at a party that frequently, and much less would I meet him for lunch without telling me husband. FYI, I'm not saying I can tell my husband who to talk to and who not to talk to, but I think it's a different situation here. If he met that girl at the birthday party and wrote with her let's say twice in two weeks fine, but not like what he did.
It's still bothering me sometimes, after all this time. Sometimes I wonder if I can really 100% trust him, or if it's just a matter of time if he will talk to another girl again, and meet her, behind my back.
What would you do? Am I just exaggerating and try to let it go? Thanks.
BS...that kind of stuff happened when my husband was hanging out fishing in January. A couple of chance encounters turned into a full blown nightmare for me and I left his ass in Florida. We're in the middle of getting a divorce. Once I kicked him out, he basically ghosted me. Told me he didn't want to give me anything to use against him. Too late dude, I already downloaded all the pics the **ore put on her Instagram account. I filed for divorce and moved back to Colorado. She kicked him to the curb out of fear of losing her career (she's a cop, he's a 6X convicted felon) and now he's broke and alone there...but hey he's still fishing!
He wasn't hiding his phone. He did apologized and put a stop to it. No recurring contact. I'd let this one go!
Mine didn't hide his phone either. If they're spending one minute texting another woman/man, there's something going on or it's possible for it to happen.
Sounds like you're dwelling on it way too long. however, there is something odd here unless you left out some details. They texted every day for two weeks and met for lunch, you confronted him on it, and there have been no texts since. Really? None at all? He didn't text her and say he had to cut things off? Why would she have stopped texting him? She was in town for the birthday and back again two weeks later and likes your town so it sounds like gets there pretty often. She was hoping to see him again soon but apparently hasn't been back or hasn't let him know it in the last six months?
Personally if you have the phones on one family account, I'd go look at the text logs if they're available as well as the call logs. Then I would block her # from the provider's site.
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