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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by troymclure
Wide swaths of industry? Which industry, or industries? Please give us an example
Accounting
Engineering
Trucking/Logistics/Shipping
Healthcare
Legal
NGOs
You name it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by troymclure
I don't need to read up on anything. I have worked at a number of places in industry. None had non-fraternization policies. Why? Because they are realistic, and they realize most people can act like adults. Maybe you can't.
I can just fine, but that is really irrelevant to the issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by troymclure
Dude, read this again slowly. It is absolute gibberish, even idiotic.
It makes perfect sense if it is an issue that one researches and learns about. I'm sorry you're incapable of comprehending basic English. The reality is, and despite you're not understanding it, many sexual harassment complaints are about climate and often the climate is not created directly with the complainant ant but between others in the organization. There also does not need to be favoritism involved between two individuals for there to be an issue/concern, perception is just as important (as it is with most ethical issues).
I don't really believe in this whole SMV nonsense when it comes to marriage are real commitment. It's PU artist lingo really and is for sex only when you look at it objectively. When it comes to having sex only, yeah, young and hot are the thing for the type who's into that; but a woman's SMV would have nothing to do with her long-term mate value (LTMV) if you will. Just because someone is young, hot and you want to have sex with them, has no bearing on how good a wife (and maybe mother of your children) she will be. There is a lot more that goes into that and how hot a woman is has no bearing on her potential to be a good long-term mate. In fact, I'd say being young and hot is a negative since those who get married young tend to divorce more than those who wait until late 20s, early 30s.
That said, going back to the OP, if she wants to get married and that's her goal, power to her. It's a free country. But I also agree with you (and others) who said the way to go about it is just date, meet people, take the pressure off yourself and when you meet the right person, it will click. Going out with a goal of marriage, a goal to "find a husband" puts focus on the wrong things and I think leads to failure in the long run--you aren't filling a job position after all.
so I should be less upfront? I don't typically tell people I'm looking for marriage, just something more than temporary. I also don't believe in having sex before at least getting engaged which I hope weeds out most men looking to waste my time.
I didn't "lock him down at my peak." I met the love of my life - at it happened to be at 25. One of my closest friends met the love of her life at 30. Another at 33.
Do you think those guys are husband/father material? Do you think the "hotties" that they sleep with are wife/mother material? I think the women that want to be just another notch on the bedpost and the men that just want another notch on the bedpost are probably very well suited for each other - but probably not what the OP is looking for.
No. Not what I want.
so where do find quality men? Most of the nerdy guys I know are either engaged or hide out at home.
Again, something that varies by location. I have been a Meetup organizer/member for over 7 years. The men I meet are primarily retired, under or unemployed or are in their mid-20's. We do have a large programmer and engineering presence here due to Intel; those are the men I meet at speed dating, not Meetup. I've met more STEM women than men through Meetup.
I agree with the gender ratios being bad though. A typical event here, regardless of social or special interest group typically has a ratio of 7 women (or more) to 1 man. The only event here in which the men outnumber the woman consistently is speed dating for ages 23-37. Lately, all I have been meeting are retired women and newly married women in their late 20's, early 30's who are new to the area and have not yet found jobs.
I agree about it not being a good place to seek out a partner, however. A lot of people join because they are new in town, newly single, newly retired, empty nesters, etc and unless they are specifically in a group oriented towards dating are not necessarily looking for a relationship.
When I joined this board, women needed to be "put out to pasture" at 35. It's been getting younger and younger ever since...soon it will be anyone over 21 doesn't stand a chance!
I believe they are also less likely to cheat. You put identical twins in appearance in front of me, I'm going to go for the one with the dorkier personality. But according to this forum, 1) I am not really a woman, and 2) I have no idea what I want. Oh, and I'm ancient so it's all moot anyway.
30's sucked for me, being widowed and all at 34. Forties are great so far! I met LH just before I turned 26. He got in just before my market value hit the skids! Lucky guy!
Or he doesn't have a girlfriend?
hmm. I'll check out speed dating then. I've been thinking about paying a matchmaker as well.
so I should be less upfront? I don't typically tell people I'm looking for marriage, just something more than temporary. I also don't believe in having sex before at least getting engaged which I hope weeds out most men looking to waste my time.
Yes, I wouldn't say you are looking for marriage off the bat, but there is nothing wrong with telling them you are looking for a committed relationship. In fact, you should be upfront about that so you don't waste your time or theirs. Just don't sit back and try to look for the perfect husband--just look for a good man to start.
I like your idea for a Matchmaker. It might be the way to go because I would think those using a matchmaking service are pretty serious about a relationship and not a fling (it's a lot of effort and money for a fling).
Wide swaths of industry? Which industry, or industries? Please give us an example
I don't need to read up on anything. I have worked at a number of places in industry. None had non-fraternization policies. Why? Because they are realistic, and they realize most people can act like adults. Maybe you can't.
You're too optimistic. Many people, possibly most, can't "act like adults". If there's a falling out between a couple that has "fraternized" with each other, typically sharing an office, collaborating on projects as the job may require, becomes very awkward. This becomes a problem for management and for the company. Productivity can suffer if one of the parties becomes uncooperative with the other, or if they start avoiding each other in a small office or on a project team. This happens more often than you think.
Do you think those guys are husband/father material? Do you think the "hotties" that they sleep with are wife/mother material? I think the women that want to be just another notch on the bedpost and the men that just want another notch on the bedpost are probably very well suited for each other - but probably not what the OP is looking for.
Those good looking people generally come from good looking parents. Emphasis on word, PARENTS. So apparently these "hotties" are reproducing, after all, raising families. Apparently this has been going on for a few millenia. Must be a thing, I guess.
I will say though that I know really beautiful women in their early 20s are generally immature and certainly not wife/mother material in general yet. But if they've had decent upbringing and connect with the right guy, many have become good wives and mothers. Don't really see the direct connection between really good looking young people not being settle-down types. Some do. Others play the field for a portion, most, or all of their 20s. Depends on the individual. I'm exceptionally good looking and chose not to marry in my 20s.
Those good looking people generally come from good looking parents. Emphasis on word, PARENTS. So apparently these "hotties" are reproducing, after all, raising families. Apparently this has been going on for a few millenia. Must be a thing, I guess.
I will say though that I know really beautiful women in their early 20s are generally immature and certainly not wife/mother material in general yet. But if they've had decent upbringing and connect with the right guy, many have become good wives and mothers. Don't really see the direct connection between really good looking young people not being settle-down types. Some do. Others play the field for a portion, most, or all of their 20s. Depends on the individual. I'm exceptionally good looking and chose not to marry in my 20s.
My post mentioned nothing about a correlation between being good looking and not being good long term relationship material. My post was about players and the women that sleep with them. It has nothing to do with looks.
so I should be less upfront? I don't typically tell people I'm looking for marriage, just something more than temporary. I also don't believe in having sex before at least getting engaged which I hope weeds out most men looking to waste my time.
So now this is also about meeting a man that will put a ring on your finger, pledging a lifelong commitment, and you've never even been intimate with him?
Good luck. You've narrowed down your pool of possible suitors to a minuscule number, if you ever find one such guy at all.
Personally I think you have to be intimate with someone at least 500 times before even considering engagement, but hey, I just made that # up off the top of my head, but my point is, most guys want to know what sort of lover a woman is before they take any "next steps". A lot of women don't know what they're doing. Sexual compatibility is important and some people are just straight up incompatible. You can't build a marriage on sexual incompatibility. It is reaching the point of failure before you even start.
My post was about players and the women that sleep with them. It has nothing to do with looks.
Would be interesting to read your definition of "player". I feel this word has been given an automatic negative connotation by many women. You mean a single guy with social skills who enjoys himself without shame, guilt, or deception? See nothing wrong with single women who are intimate with such men as long as both parties are honest that it's not serious, or they're not looking for relationships, and are clear they're not monogamous.
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