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What's wrong with the biological father. Doubt another guy could love a child as much as he should.
One is dead. He died while I was pregnant. Another has limited visitation. Very limited. Sometimes none at all. Depends on his behavior and the judges mood that month.
I find it hard to fathom that a childless man who wants children -and he would have to at least like kids to be with a woman with kids - would be satisfied with raising someone else's kids and not even have the opportunity to have a bio kid.
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Originally Posted by torontocheeka
I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, these men exist, but generally, men without kids either 1) want kids of their own, and will expect you to pop out more, or (2) do not want kids and do not want to be around kids.
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Originally Posted by Tahirthegreat
Just date men with kids. Not many childless men are going to be excited to raise another man's offspring.
My sister-in-law has a son and is buying a house with her boyfriend. They seem to love another and are apparently in it for the long haul, but she is uninterested in marrying again after being burned in divorce. They're in their late 30s and don't want a baby. She's planning on getting snipped.
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Originally Posted by LowonLuck
I have two friends that are with childless men that like kids, and do not need their own bio kids. Neither friend can or will have more kids. One has already had a hysterectomy 10 years ago, after giving birth to her son. Her husband now was well aware when he met her.
Get your friends to introduce you to their childless male friends.
So you broke it off yesterday? Was he surprised? Did he fight for you? What did he say? Was he very sad? Did he come up with solutions or suggestions or just took it?
We mutually broke it off earlier this week. So we were on the same page and still very much amicable.
I have spent the better part of the last month asking for suggestions and things we can do differently. His only suggestion was that his kids needed to stop being a$$holes. I knew it was coming to an end. When you have kids throwing a fit that other kids are being including in vacations, no need to go on. This would have worked out perfectly if he did not have kids, which is not the case. I loved how he was with my kids.
My sister-in-law has a son and is buying a house with her boyfriend. They seem to love another and are apparently in it for the long haul, but she is uninterested in marrying again after being burned in divorce. They're in their late 30s and don't want a baby. She's planning on getting snipped.
Get your friends to introduce you to their childless male friends.
Here's the thing that sometimes makes me laugh because of my beliefs--when some single mothers specifically say they will not consider or date another single parent. There was a girl on Facebook that I went to high school with, she too has two kids by two different dads, and was saying she will never date a single parent again because it's not for her... Okay, that's fine! If it's not for you then it's not for you, but she has remained single for quite a while and is really struggling in other avenues of life(she's constantly posting about her financial struggles and how tired she is) and I wonder if part of the reason that she hasn't had luck is because she wants someone to accept what she has but she isn't willing to accept that same thing in someone else. You can have preferences, but outright refusing to date someone that is like you is sort of amusing.
She seems to only be able to attract f***boi's who don't have kids but also don't seem to be what she really would want(professional, wanting a relationship, interested in marriage etc). There's nothing wrong with preferring someone that doesn't have a child because of the belief that it is easier to date someone that is childless. We are all entitled to our preferences. However it always actually getting people that meet our preferences that seems to dictate who we end up with. I've always believed it's about beliefs--the things you believe about yourself, others, and such that attract certain types to you. When a single parent who doesn't have their self together(not just financially but mentally and emotionally as well) expects someone that does, it rarely works out because water always seeks it's own level.
So a single parent that isn't at the level of the man she wants to attract(regardless of whether the man has a child it not) is not going to get that man. And a single parent that has a child that is not willing to date someone with a child -----because it's too hard--cannot fault all the childless men that refuse to date the single mother for the same reason. You can want a marriage minded childless man op but will he want you, and if he does is he right for you, or is he like all the other f***boi's you've dated?
Why not just focus on the idea of a man(regardless of whether he has a child or not) that has the same goals as you, that is willing to compromise the same way you are, and that would love your child as much as his own?
My ex-sister in law, had three kids, and remarried a man with one kid. My brother is a deadbeat. This man stepped up--he takes care of her kids the same way he takes care of his own child. He loves them all, and she loves his son too. She made a tribute video to him on Facebook, where she was singing her heart out thanking him for loving her kids like they were his, and for loving her, and it was the sweetest video I saw!
The only guy I did date that had a child, right away was excited about my son and said "I love kids and I will love your son like my own, sinceche's part of you, and I love kids!" gotta love southern men-I had to break up with him when I moved to philly because of the distance but he was a keeper).
To me your not focusing on the right things-a man can be childless or have a child and still not be interested in your children or in making a relationship work with you. A man can have a child but not be understanding to your children, or a man can not have a child and can still find a way to understand your situation. But it's never as simple as you want to make it out to be. It can be just as complicated dating a childless man or a man with children, just for different reasons. But I can't understand completely ruling out men w/children, yet you do not want men without children to rule you out... I'm not saying you have to date men with children, I just think you should be open--and instead focus on meeting someone that can get on the same page as you--if that person is childless great, if they have kids, well so do you! Lol.
Last edited by Faith2187; 03-18-2016 at 09:49 AM..
I tried it. It didn't work. I am good with the guys staying away that can't love my kids. I don't want them anyway. But I can't fall in love with a guy with kids, and have to end things because his kids don't want to change anything.
I can't even blame my kids. They handled the situation beautifully and were very accepting of everyone.
This. It sounds like the OP is wanting to "trade up," without acknowledging that a man with no kids is unlikely to want someone with kids.
I have not found this to be the case. My husband had no kids and he still dated and married me. We've been together for going on 11 years now.
And, no, neither of us are desperate people who had no other options. I've never been sitting around looking for someone and not finding anyone to date and neither has he.
We both have good careers and are well educated.
In fact, I have found that the more educated, more successful a person is, the less likely they give a crap whether or not their date has children. Whether it all works out depends upon the people involved. Adults and kids alike.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not.
For me, my husband knowing that I was not looking for a man to provide for me and the kids was probably a point in my favor.
I was perfectly capable of providing very well for them without assistance.
I also wasn't daddy shopping. My kids have a father and did not need one of those. They needed their mom to have a happy marriage to a man she loved and loved them, too. And, that is what they got.
He's a good stepdad. He leaves most parenting issues to me. We do discuss them and he does parent when he needs to parent, but my kids are also not little brats, which helps. They're all practically grown now and he's known them since they were young.
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I have not found this to be the case. My husband had no kids and he still dated and married me. We've been together for going on 11 years now.
And, no, neither of us are desperate people who had no other options. I've never been sitting around looking for someone and not finding anyone to date and neither has he.
We both have good careers and are well educated.
In fact, I have found that the more educated, more successful a person is, the less likely they give a crap whether or not their date has children. Whether it all works out depends upon the people involved. Adults and kids alike.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not.
For me, my husband knowing that I was not looking for a man to provide for me and the kids was probably a point in my favor.
I was perfectly capable of providing very well for them without assistance.
I also wasn't daddy shopping. My kids have a father and did not need one of those. They needed their mom to have a happy marriage to a man she loved and loved them, too. And, that is what they got.
He's a good stepdad. He leaves most parenting issues to me. We do discuss them and he does parent when he needs to parent, but my kids are also not little brats, which helps. They're all practically grown now and he's known them since they were young.
I agree with all this. My kids would like a father because they have missed out on that, but they know that at the end of the day, I am everything to them and will take care of them. I have no issues taking my kids fishing and doing the typical "dad" activities. I think if kids have to be missing a parent, it is psychologically better to be missing dads. My last boyfriends sons are missing moms and it is very evident in the way they deal with everything.
I have not found this to be the case. My husband had no kids and he still dated and married me. We've been together for going on 11 years now.
And, no, neither of us are desperate people who had no other options. I've never been sitting around looking for someone and not finding anyone to date and neither has he.
We both have good careers and are well educated.
In fact, I have found that the more educated, more successful a person is, the less likely they give a crap whether or not their date has children. Whether it all works out depends upon the people involved. Adults and kids alike.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not.
For me, my husband knowing that I was not looking for a man to provide for me and the kids was probably a point in my favor.
I was perfectly capable of providing very well for them without assistance.
I also wasn't daddy shopping. My kids have a father and did not need one of those. They needed their mom to have a happy marriage to a man she loved and loved them, too. And, that is what they got.
He's a good stepdad. He leaves most parenting issues to me. We do discuss them and he does parent when he needs to parent, but my kids are also not little brats, which helps. They're all practically grown now and he's known them since they were young.
The OP is daddy shopping, though. Her children's father is not in the picture.
Since your question is only about dating (not engagement or marriage), I think it makes no difference whether the man has kids.
Maybe the only difference would be one of convenience and availability (he has to find a sitter too, etc.)?
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