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Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
The second dad's kids disliked my kids, without even being able to give valid reasons, so it prevented us from moving forward.
I'm curious...how much time did the two of you give for the children to become somewhat comfortable with each other?
I'm asking because in every family there is a sort of pecking order. The children usually work this out on their own, after being given enough time to do so, as long as the man and woman are making sure they don't kill each other in the process of waiting for that pecking order to work itself out.
In the end, you cant ask perfection of a quite imperfect situation and be foolish enough to think that is what you will find.
I would say go with a good man, childless or not, and as with any relationship, work at making it work. Children have a habit of growing up and moving away.
I'm curious...how much time did the two of you give for the children to become somewhat comfortable with each other?
I'm asking because in every family there is a sort of pecking order. The children usually work this out on their own, after being given enough time to do so, as long as the man and woman are making sure they don't kill each other in the process of waiting for that pecking order to work itself out.
In the end, you cant ask perfection of a quite imperfect situation and be foolish enough to think that is what you will find.
I would say go with a good man, childless or not, and as with any relationship, work at making it work. Children have a habit of growing up and moving away.
We started dating last August. It is not that they fight. His kids just decided they do not want to be around mine.
No thinking man would go into that situation, especially if there's more than one 'babydaddy'.
An opportunist, on the other hand, will be in and out and possibly add another different-DNA-having kid to the brood.
And in the meantime I hope none of these kids are witnessing the parade of 'boyfriends' passing through the house like it's a truck stop. Oh, they're going to learn wonderful lessons about how to be an adult there.
My kids have different fathers because the first father died while I was pregnant with my oldest. It would have been impossible to have a second child with the same father. I really hate that judgement.
I can't physically have nor do I want a third child. The two boyfriends I have had were already involved in my children's lives and will continue to remain in their lives. So no parading of strangers.
My kids have different fathers because the first father died while I was pregnant with my oldest. It would have been impossible to have a second child with the same father. I really hate that judgement.
I can't physically have nor do I want a third child. The two boyfriends I have had were already involved in my children's lives and will continue to remain in their lives. So no parading of strangers.
Ignore that stuff. Not everyone is running around having kids with multiple fathers blithely, without a care in the world.
I had my eldest child as a single mother. Choice I made for myself. His dad and I were too young to get married.
I later married and had two kids with my husband. He adopted my eldest.
We were married 10 years, but it didn't work out. He still sees the kids regularly, including the one he adopted.
My current husband, however, has no issue with my kids having different BIOLOGICAL fathers, because... well, it is what it is.
My ex had no issue with me having been a single mom before I met him. I'm a responsible person who takes care of her children.
I know you get a lot of crap for having kids from 2 dads, but I see nothing odd about that particular part of your history and I just want to make that very clear.
I had more than one female professor in college (and a number of males) who had kids with more than one spouse.
Eh... it happens. And not just to "trashy" folks, as the CDR judgement squad might have you believe.
I also see nothing wrong with you wanting a husband and an intact (to you) family. Not everyone is cut out for single parenthood as a lifestyle CHOICE.
I do think you have got to get out of whatever rut you are stuck in though, LoL.
You are not meeting or dating the types of men that one ought to be involved with if one's desire is marriage and co-parenting.
I do not know you personally, just over the internet here, nor does anyone else posting... so, it's super hard to pin this down. I betcha I could figure it out if I ever met you, though. I'm good at reading people.
Hang in there, kid.
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Ignore that stuff. Not everyone is running around having kids with multiple fathers blithely, without a care in the world.
I had my eldest child as a single mother. Choice I made for myself. His dad and I were too young to get married.
I later married and had two kids with my husband. He adopted my eldest.
We were married 10 years, but it didn't work out. He still sees the kids regularly, including the one he adopted.
My current husband, however, has no issue with my kids having different BIOLOGICAL fathers, because... well, it is what it is.
My ex had no issue with me having been a single mom before I met him. I'm a responsible person who takes care of her children.
I know you get a lot of crap for having kids from 2 dads, but I see nothing odd about that particular part of your history and I just want to make that very clear.
I had more than one female professor in college (and a number of males) who had kids with more than one spouse.
Eh... it happens. And not just to "trashy" folks, as the CDR judgement squad might have you believe.
I also see nothing wrong with you wanting a husband and an intact (to you) family. Not everyone is cut out for single parenthood as a lifestyle CHOICE.
I do think you have got to get out of whatever rut you are stuck in though, LoL.
You are not meeting or dating the types of men that one ought to be involved with if one's desire is marriage and co-parenting.
I do not know you personally, just over the internet here, nor does anyone else posting... so, it's super hard to pin this down. I betcha I could figure it out if I ever met you, though. I'm good at reading people.
Hang in there, kid.
Thank you for saying this. I get so tired of being out down for that. I am blessed with a girl and a boy. They just have different dads. One is not even on this earth, and has not been in almost 13 years.
Yes I do need to get out of this rut. But maybe everyone is right and if I stop looking, the right one will show up, so I just have to be strong and ignore the losers, no matter how lonely and bored I might get. So count on me being here a lot..
Thank you for saying this. I get so tired of being out down for that. I am blessed with a girl and a boy. They just have different dads. One is not even on this earth, and has not been in almost 13 years.
Yes I do need to get out of this rut. But maybe everyone is right and if I stop looking, the right one will show up, so I just have to be strong and ignore the losers, no matter how lonely and bored I might get. So count on me being here a lot..
You're welcome. Do not be down about it. You have two lovely kids. Not all women are so fortunate.
There's nothing wrong with keeping an eye out for potential matches. Just don't let it rule your head.
Keep one of those losers for booty calls.
It'll help you ignore the losers that you might start to think would make good husbands.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
No I don't think it has anything to do with me. She feels like part of her is incomplete because she has no idea who her father was, what he was like or anything of his family.
She does not know what it's like to have a father. She can't relate to her peers that have been raised in two parent houses, with their own parents. She has never lived in that situation. She only has a mom.
Contrary to opinion here. I really don't date much and the only men that my kids have known me to be involved with, are men already in their lives. They have never been around or exposed to strangers.
But this again may be a matter of semantics because you say EVERYONE in your town is a friend since you grew up with all of them, went to school with them, they're extended family, or they are the extended family of a friend of someone you once went to school with etc.
We started dating last August. It is not that they fight. His kids just decided they do not want to be around mine.
What I'm confused about is, if I recall correctly, you and he have been close friends for a long time; did the kids not already know each other before you started dating?
But this again may be a matter of semantics because you say EVERYONE in your town is a friend since you grew up with all of them, went to school with them, they're extended family, or they are the extended family of a friend of someone you once went to school with etc.
I have never dated anyone that I have not known a long time or did not grow up with. I have only dated three men in the last 10 year. One was my sons father, the second related to my daughter, and the third is my daughters best friend's uncle. None of them will be totally out of our lives. So no, I do not parade strange men in front of my kids, nor will these men just be gone from their lives.
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