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Rude or not, if after two dates with me, this guy had a chance to go out with the woman of his dreams and decided to cancel on me in order to do so, that's his choice. It's his life and I don't expect him to make my feelings a priority at this point.
What if he cancelled on you, not for the woman of his dreams, but just for some other woman?
What if it was a sporting event?
What if it was a decent rerun on TV?
The point is, where is the line? At some point, the person deciding to cancel/postpone/whatever a date with you for something else is inconsiderate. Most people draw that line around "emergencies", like a hospitalized relative or a car accident. Per your posts, you consider "a better option" to fall on the same side of that line. It's your line to draw, so do what you want with it, but others that don't agree may view you poorly because of it.
If someone cancelled on me because they came hone and discovered they'd been robbed, that would be reasonable to me and I wouldn't harbor any ill will about it.
If someone cancelled on me because they found a hotter guy, I'd feel less inclined to put any effort into that particular person.
So what guy is she most interested in? The guy she had went on two dates with already, or the guy she reached back in the past for?
All this multi-dating stuff just makes me breath a sigh of relief. Just reading these post make me want to eat popcorn and keep refreshing the thread, while also slightly increasing my anxiety. I say the OP can do what she pleases, but I'm a firm believer that once you start juggling you tend to lose the bunch.
My $ is on Guy from the past. Even tho she said the date was " awkward", she is still hoping he follows through on his suggestion to get together again.... * I tried dating around (not sleeping around) last summer, and it was all just confusing and too much. I learned a helluva lot about myself + what I'm looking for ~ but I felt awful rejecting people or having wasted their time. There's nothing fun about being on a date w/ someone who really likes you, all the while you're thinking about someone else... Cutting all that nonsense out really paid off for me this year.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,033,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
My $ is on Guy from the past. Even tho she said the date was " awkward", she is still hoping he follows through on his suggestion to get together again.... * I tried dating around (not sleeping around) last summer, and it was all just confusing and too much. I felt awful rejecting people or having wasted their time. There's nothing fun about being on a date w/ someone who really likes you, all the while you're thinking about someone else... Cutting all that nonsense out really paid off for me this year.
Yup, the moment this happens, or the moment you're holding of scheduling something waiting to hear back from another, or trying to reschedule someone for someone else, is the time to end it. I had to do that two Friday's ago, and it sucked, and she was pissed, but there was no way to (ethically) avoid it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
Those two things have nothing to do with each other. You are absolutely treating him as a backup.
Don't get me wrong, you're allowed to do whatever you want. But don't try and call it something else.
She doesn't see it because it's not happening directly to her. She's driving the car in this situation and getting to date two guys at once. When you're dating to pursue a long-term relationship, it can be easy to just become the option to someone else. Maybe they are just truly looking to date around, or they really have no clue what dating looks like for them, so they're figuring it out. Dating is all about timing quite frankly. Someone who isn't good for you today could be good for you tomorrow.
I don't see it that way. I am not sitting back thinking that I'm the one calling the shots here. Not at all.
What if he cancelled on you, not for the woman of his dreams, but just for some other woman?
What if it was a sporting event?
What if it was a decent rerun on TV?
The point is, where is the line? At some point, the person deciding to cancel/postpone/whatever a date with you for something else is inconsiderate. Most people draw that line around "emergencies", like a hospitalized relative or a car accident. Per your posts, you consider "a better option" to fall on the same side of that line. It's your line to draw, so do what you want with it, but others that don't agree may view you poorly because of it.
If someone cancelled on me because they came hone and discovered they'd been robbed, that would be reasonable to me and I wouldn't harbor any ill will about it.
If someone cancelled on me because they found a hotter guy, I'd feel less inclined to put any effort into that particular person.
I'm sure it's happened to me and lots of other people before, but if I wasn't aware of it, why should it matter? I'm sure a lot of you think it would be totally understandable if he canceled a date with me to go see a woman who he knew would have sex with him that night.
I don't see it that way. I am not sitting back thinking that I'm the one calling the shots here. Not at all.
Generally speaking, if people are calling you for your services, YOU ARE in the drivers seat calling the shots. I'm not saying this as a bad thing either. I'm just saying you potentially have more control over the situation and the negotiation process. The people calling are "at the mercy" of your decision making.
I'm sure it's happened to me and lots of other people before, but if I wasn't aware of it, why should it matter? I'm sure a lot of you think it would be totally understandable if he canceled a date with me to go see a woman who he knew would have sex with him that night.
That's where one's personal ethics come into play. You're of the, "what they don't know won't hurt them" mentality. Some would argue that that's not ethical. One isn't "correct" or "incorrect", but when you put it out there for people to see, those who don't agree with you will point it out. You can't possibly be surprised by that.
You are definitely guilty of doing the things that recent posts are accusing you of. Whether or not that falls within the boundaries of your personal ethics is up to you. But you can't just deny it and pretend like it isn't a thing.
And regarding your last sentence....that still falls under the same ethical guidelines. If someone did that, and argued that it wasn't a problem because you didn't know about it, then they would say the same to them.
That's where one's personal ethics come into play. You're of the, "what they don't know won't hurt them" mentality. Some would argue that that's not ethical. One isn't "correct" or "incorrect", but when you put it out there for people to see, those who don't agree with you will point it out. You can't possibly be surprised by that.
You are definitely guilty of doing the things that recent posts are accusing you of. Whether or not that falls within the boundaries of your personal ethics is up to you. But you can't just deny it and pretend like it isn't a thing.
And regarding your last sentence....that still falls under the same ethical guidelines. If someone did that, and argued that it wasn't a problem because you didn't know about it, then they would say the same to them.
Ok. Well yes, my feeling is that since he isn't my boyfriend and we haven't discussed exclusivity, we both can do what we want and not tell each other about it.
Current guy is not impressive on paper, but has room for improvement.
This isn't exactly a ringing endorsement for the new guy, especially when she alludes to how the old guy is "impressive on paper" and has "better genes".
I'm not trying to be mean, but I honestly believe the OP is being dishonest with herself and by extension, the new guy. She will be attracted to what she's attracted to, and not be attracted to someone who doesn't float her boat. Absolutely, positively nothing wrong with that at all. I totally understand.
With that in mind, I don't understand why she continues to date someone she will never really be attracted to. However, that doesn't mean the two of them can be just friends.
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