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This isn't exactly a ringing endorsement for the new guy, especially when she alludes to how the old guy is "impressive on paper" and has "better genes".
I'm not trying to be mean, but I honestly believe the OP is being dishonest with herself and by extension, the new guy. She will be attracted to what she's attracted to, and not be attracted to someone who doesn't float her boat. Absolutely, positively nothing wrong with that at all. I totally understand.
With that in mind, I don't understand why she continues to date someone she will never really be attracted to. However, that doesn't mean the two of you can be just friends.
I am attracted to the new guy and I enjoy spending time with him, but I would still like to go on more dates with the guy from the past. There are things that I want to do with him that I haven't had the opportunity to do.
With that in mind, I don't understand why she continues to date someone she will never really be attracted to. However, that doesn't mean the two of them can be just friends.
For some people, attraction can grow over time. I know of a "couple" who have been "dating" but are still not exclusive after 9 1/2 months because the physical attraction isn't very strong for one of them, but because the other person is "phenomenal" on paper the hope is that will grow over time. SLS has said she likes the new guy well enough and even she doesn't know why she called the old one.
I don't see it that way. I am not sitting back thinking that I'm the one calling the shots here. Not at all.
You should tho, because as a woman, you are . I know you don't have alot of sexual experience, so you may not fully grasp just how powerful you are. What is that Maya Angelou quote, about dancing like she has "diamonds at the meeting of her thighs" ?! It's the real-deal, honey. You have something really special to give a man. You are well within your rights to be choosey and select only the most worthy. But you have to trust & follow your instincts.. Take as much time as you need to figure a guy out, but once you do, ~ keep it movin.
Ok. Well yes, my feeling is that since he isn't my boyfriend and we haven't discussed exclusivity, we both can do what we want and not tell each other about it.
You can. But when it includes cancelling or postponing one to be with the other, then you reach an area of dubious morality.
There is nothing wrong with multi dating. There is something wrong with not treating people, even people you don't know, with the respect you'd like to be given.
It's the sense that the OP gives that she owes none of them anything, when, even with strangers, you owe them something: common courtesy.
I agree with treating people with common courtesy and as I said, I don't think one should cancel on another, regardless of what the occasion is, because they got "a better" offer. Happens to me all the time when I plan social gatherings so now I just don't plan them anymore, other than a couple of standing events that have a core group of regulars. And as a long-time Meetup organizer, I know better than most that an RSVP of "yes" really means "maybe."
But what I'm reading in a lot of these posts, and perhaps misreading, hence my post isn't that some posters have an issue with her cancelling on the new guy to go out with the old one (everyone seems to be in agreement on that) but rather that she isn't disclosing to someone she's had two dates with and is in no way committed to that she's also seeing someone else.
If she had posted she went out with New Guy on Friday and Old Guy on Saturday, would people still be telling her it's not cool she didn't tell the two guys about each other? Or is it really simply that my reading comprehension sucks worse than usual today and everyone actually is focusing on the issue of cancelling on one to meet the other?
For some people, attraction can grow over time. I know of a "couple" who have been "dating" but are still not exclusive after 9 1/2 months because the physical attraction isn't very strong for one of them, but because the other person is "phenomenal" on paper the hope is that will grow over time. SLS has said she likes the new guy well enough and even she doesn't know why she called the old one.
You mean this actually works? A slow and gradual increase of physical attraction? Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I was almost 300lbs and out of shape. I got down to 200lbs and women who didn't notice me before, started to notice me. The difference was it was women who I hadn't seen in years. If it was a woman I had been seeing on a semi regular basis, I don't think it would have mattered too much what my weight was. The attraction was either there or it wasn't. I don't even know any women that fell more for a guy by his physical attraction slowly growing on them.
I have female friends that have been in my life for years and I still have no feelings for them on a true romantic level, even if I felt they got better looking or less better looking. Once you become familiar to a person, it's very hard to build chemistry that was never there.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
If she had posted she went out with New Guy on Friday and Old Guy on Saturday, would people still be telling her it's not cool she didn't tell the two guys about each other? Or is it really simply that my reading comprehension sucks worse than usual today and everyone actually is focusing on the issue of cancelling on one to meet the other?
Some people would say its fine, others would not, as some people on here don't conceptually like multi dating. It's a personal decision. And lots of people are ok with multi dating, and at the same time don't want to be one of those people. There is no one answer.
It would also depend if either of them asked "are you seeing other people?" And if the answer was honest or not. I don't think toooo many people think you have to volunteer the info, but not too many people think it would be ok to lie either.
Some people would say its fine, others would not, as some people on here don't conceptually like multi dating. It's a personal decision. And lots of people are ok with multi dating, and at the same time don't want to be one of those people. There is no one answer.
It would also depend if either of them asked "are you seeing other people?" And if the answer was honest or not. I don't think toooo many people think you have to volunteer the info, but not too many people think it would be ok to lie either.
I can't even get one date so I don't think I'm ever going to have to worry about trying to multi-date and how I feel about it.
My impression is the subject of dating others hasn't come up yet with SLS and the new guy, but I agree that it would not be okay to lie about it. As I said, I'm hopped up on allergy meds so it could be that I was misinterpreting posts from people who I know from my time on this board have no issue with multi-dating, hence my genuine confusion about this thread!
I can't even get one date so I don't think I'm ever going to have to worry about trying to multi-date and how I feel about it.
My impression is the subject of dating others hasn't come up yet with SLS and the new guy, but I agree that it would not be okay to lie about it. As I said, I'm hopped up on allergy meds so it could be that I was misinterpreting posts from people who I know from my time on this board have no issue with multi-dating, hence my genuine confusion about this thread!
No, it hasn't but I wouldn't feel a need to mention the other guy right now since I don't know exactly whether we'll be seeing each other again or how things will go if we do. So why bring him up? He's very much a mystery right now. I have an idea what might happen with him, but I don't know.
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