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This might sound strange, but there are plenty of blue collar types who do not have careers, either. I mean, you've managed to find quite a few that are incarcerated, do not have a place to live most of the time, etc. These folks don't sound like they "have a career."
And, there are indeed many blue collar folks who DO have a career. No doubt you see a good many of them in town, with their wives and kids, out for the evening, etc.
You don't have to target any type of demographic in relation to what they do for a living. "Gainfully employed" would be a good demographic. "Owns property" would be good. "Has a retirement plan" would also be nice.
I think that maybe you avoid men who have their **** together because you cannot feel superior to them.
I swear, I'm not criticizing you. My own brother lives out in a rural area and he's pretty much king of the frog pond, just because he's very intelligent. But, there are FAR more people out that way who have their **** together better than he does.
He just likes feeling like he's King of the Idiots.
He's been that way since we were kids. Which is sad, because he's a major underachiever. And, I suspect you have achieved far less than you could have, because I have absolutely no doubt that you're very intelligent.
Ironically my ex came out of prison making an excellent salary the very next day. He is an equipment operator and easily makes $65k-$70k a year. I seem to end up with lots of mechanics, truck drivers, and HVAC techs. Those are careers. Every man I have ever dated has made 2-3 times my salary. If they don't, when we meet. I help them to do so. Mostly because it would help them provide for me also, but then it is like they no longer need me. They either never get back into a relationship or they find a woman completely dependent on them.
I don't have a career in a specific field. I switch jobs about every five years and they are always vastly different. I do whatever I can find, sell insurance, bail bonds, claims adjuster, or receptionist. No career really. Just jobs that I show up for the paycheck.
But no, I am not looking for older. I don't act anywhere close to my own age. I did have a period of my life when I dated older men. Everyone always thought they were my father, because I looked way younger. I want someone that physically matches me, that I can be proud to stand next to. Not someone that looks like my father.
Not sure if this is common, but it seems like those of us that are single, act younger, still not settled in life, date much younger men. I know this has been the case for me. It also is the case for the barmaid I talked to last night for quite some time. She said her boyfriend told her she was a hot mess. I had to chuckle because I have been described as a member of the hot mess express club for years.
But I am 37 and my weekend itinary looks very much like a college students schedule while home on summer break.
I think we've now very much identified why you can't find a serious partner. Most of the guys I know wouldn't want to be with a woman that is 37 and has children but wants to pretend she's a 20 year old college kid. My personal opinion is that the emotional growth of women that behave that way tends to be stuck in neutral as a result of trying to be a grown up too fast when they were younger. It's kind of sad really.
I do have one friend that loves women like that. He kind of behaves that way himself. He's 40 years old and on his third marriage which is coming apart at the seams. He's a lot of fun to hang out with on occasion, but I'm sure happy to not have to live his life.
At the risk of sounding really rude....I strongly suspect you're about the same way. I'm willing to bet you're reasonably attractive and fun to be around for a short period, but no guy with his ducks in a row wants a woman that's approaching 40 but so in denial that she compensates by behaving like an immature clown.
I absolutely was way to grown up, at a young age. I had custody of a kid when I was 18. Bought a house at 20. I have literally had kids in my custody for almost 20 years. I was married and divorced by 27 and we had spent 10 years of our lives together the day we split up.
With the exception of the 7 years I spent with my sons father, I tend to live for excitement while looking for a life partner. But for the first time in my life, I have given up the idea that goal. I am not the marrying kind apparently, so I need to change to plan b and embrace singleness to its maximum potential. And I really think I am at peace with this idea.
I have a whole group of friends that still do the party lifestyle, but we are all single. None of us did so when we were married. We also do not when we have our kids. But the rest of the time, we sociallize at local bars. Sometimes people's houses. But mostly out.
I absolutely was way to grown up, at a young age. I had custody of a kid when I was 18. Bought a house at 20. I have literally had kids in my custody for almost 20 years. I was married and divorced by 27 and we had spent 10 years of our lives together the day we split up.
With the exception of the 7 years I spent with my sons father, I tend to live for excitement while looking for a life partner. But for the first time in my life, I have given up the idea that goal. I am not the marrying kind apparently, so I need to change to plan b and embrace singleness to its maximum potential. And I really think I am at peace with this idea.
I have a whole group of friends that still do the party lifestyle, but we are all single. None of us did so when we were married. We also do not when we have our kids. But the rest of the time, we sociallize at local bars. Sometimes people's houses. But mostly out.
I'd argue that hanging out at the local bar is the opposite of exciting, it's a way to numb your brain and avoid the lack of excitement in your life. That's kind of my point. Someone that has grown emotionally beyond their 20s will recognize that there's real excitement to be found all over. Try out a local zip-line, learn to kickbox, buy a motorcycle, go swimming in a local quarry and jump off a cliff into the water, try scuba diving, etc. Those are exciting. Just my two bits.
Don't get me wrong, I'm really not trying to say anything bad about you. I just think maybe you need to get some of that out of your system and learn to be comfortable with yourself before you're ready for any kind of serious relationship. So enjoy the journey. Stop trying to either find a spouse/father figure NOW or declaring your lifetime membership in the singles club. Just relax and live your life and take care of your kids and have fun with your friends and see what happens with guys without trying hard either way.
I'd argue that hanging out at the local bar is the opposite of exciting, it's a way to numb your brain and avoid the lack of excitement in your life. That's kind of my point. Someone that has grown emotionally beyond their 20s will recognize that there's real excitement to be found all over. Try out a local zip-line, learn to kickbox, buy a motorcycle, go swimming in a local quarry and jump off a cliff into the water, try scuba diving, etc. Those are exciting. Just my two bits.
Don't get me wrong, I'm really not trying to say anything bad about you. I just think maybe you need to get some of that out of your system and learn to be comfortable with yourself before you're ready for any kind of serious relationship. So enjoy the journey. Stop trying to either find a spouse/father figure NOW or declaring your lifetime membership in the singles club. Just relax and live your life and take care of your kids and have fun with your friends and see what happens with guys without trying hard either way.
I was at the bar last night and only drank unsweetened tea. And had dinner. How is that numbing my brain? We socialize, sing, dance and just have fun.
I have done all that stuff. I plan to buy a motorcycle as soon as I pay for some needs. Like braces for oldest. I am ok with being single. It is probably what is meant to be. I missed the window to find a decent good guy and I no longer have patience for the damaged ones.
I will be able to plan the rest of my life without appeasing anyone but me. Pretty sure it is going to be get the last kid out of the house, sell the house and retire somewhere tropical and warm. I can enjoy fruity drinks, crystal clear water and warm sand. All by myself. I am social and can talk to anyone so doubt I will get lonely.
Ironically my ex came out of prison making an excellent salary the very next day. He is an equipment operator and easily makes $65k-$70k a year. I seem to end up with lots of mechanics, truck drivers, and HVAC techs. Those are careers. Every man I have ever dated has made 2-3 times my salary. If they don't, when we meet. I help them to do so. Mostly because it would help them provide for me also, but then it is like they no longer need me. They either never get back into a relationship or they find a woman completely dependent on them.
I don't have a career in a specific field. I switch jobs about every five years and they are always vastly different. I do whatever I can find, sell insurance, bail bonds, claims adjuster, or receptionist. No career really. Just jobs that I show up for the paycheck.
Here's a novel idea... you get a job as an HVAC tech and make that 65-70k yourself. Then, find a guy who makes what you do and let him earn less.
I mean, if they are only with you so you can help them make more, perhaps one who makes less would feel dependent enough to mow the lawn and take out the trash. Plenty of decent guys don't have high salaries. And, my point wasn't that ex-cons cannot make a decent living when they are actually working and not in jail again.
Not sure where you live, but 65-70k here isn't so much an excellent salary as a decent one.
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When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
It doesn't matter what anyone says, what advice is given, or how people try to help you. All you do is argue and point out how great you think you are and how good you are to everyone around you. If that is the case, why do you put threads on here?
If you are OK being single as you have stated, then be single.
I have often said men like the idea of me, but once they have me, they can't handle me
Not much to talk about, but a good read about strong women.
I was told by someone, that there isn't anything I couldn't accomplish if I put my mind to it.
Another told me, (who was very insecure) that no one could live up to my expectations....
What he refused to understand, is, the fact that I was secure and independent, and he tried to break that, and when he couldn't, he ran around....
It is difficult to find a man who understands this kind of woman....most men want mothers...and I refuse to be a mother to another man....I'd rather be alone.
I met men in my lifetime who would have made wonderful companions, who were also strong and independent...themselves, not many though
Great thread, great article.....
this article can be thought of very differently by every one of us....according to the way we all think and believe...it isn't a one size fits all...but surely giving much food for thought....
BTW, some people mistake confidence for arrogance....
Some people fear a strong woman....to me a strong woman is one who has experience many people, places and things....
when I read this article, thought of Claire in Outlander....she fits the bill in my mind, very well....
Last edited by cremebrulee; 06-29-2016 at 01:17 PM..
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