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You are determined to blame me for everything. You really think it is not an issue when a man thinks it is ok to go through a woman's phone?
Of course that's an issue, but then why didn't you send him packing?
I don't think you're being blamed for him being controlling, you're being criticized for picking the same types of guys over and over and jumping into a relationship with them before really knowing them very well.
Find a guy that you can be friends with and stick to that for a bit (a bit is longer than a week or two by the way). Then see where it goes. Don't be one of the those people that goes on a couple of dates and then starts talking about moving in together and such. Guys like the one you're dealing with prey on relationships like that. I think they figure if they can get their hooks into you before you realize that they've got issues maybe you'll be stuck with them.
Of course that's an issue, but then why didn't you send him packing?
I don't think you're being blamed for him being controlling, you're being criticized for picking the same types of guys over and over and jumping into a relationship with them before really knowing them very well.
Find a guy that you can be friends with and stick to that for a bit (a bit is longer than a week or two by the way). Then see where it goes. Don't be one of the those people that goes on a couple of dates and then starts talking about moving in together and such. Guys like the one you're dealing with prey on relationships like that. I think they figure if they can get their hooks into you before you realize that they've got issues maybe you'll be stuck with them.
The being friends thing has not worked. The previous two I have known for decades and those did not work out. One I have been friends with 30 years. We are still friends. One I had known since high school. We only ended our friendship after the needy guy messaged him that he cannot send me funny jokes/ memes that have a sexual theme, and the friend got mad.
Needy guy went off last night because of things I do not do...
1- Text him good morning and have a good day, first thing on the morning. Shouldn't the men be the ones to initiate communication? I have no interest being the man.
2- He wants me to dress up in sexy clothes, wear make up etc. I forget what nonsense be said, but my response was love me the way I am, or be gone. I am happy with me the way I dress.
3- Anytime I get on my phone he thinks I am talking to another man. He was wrestling me for my phone so he could search it. I ended up hitting his face in the struggle and now he is whining his eye hurts.
Yup needy, insecure men have no business dating. Go get happy with yourself before you attempt to be happy with someone else.
The good thing is I know what I won't put up with and I am emotionally healthy enough to eject them from my life.
If he is whining about his eye hurting, he must still be around. Apparently you are not emotionally healthy enough to eject him from your life.
BTW, where were the kids when the physical altercation was happening?
I am probably not good with the compromise part. I tend to just barrel through doing my own thing. I always wanted the guy that fits into my life, not one that I have to turn my life upside down to accommodate.
One of the things I got onto my bf about last night, is that I no longer feel like I have freedom. . I can't just stop into the bar on my way home from work for a drink without having to answer to him. I am use to being a free spirit that just does what I want, when I want. I was like that as a teenager also. My mom would call me, asking when I would be home, and sometimes I was at a beach 8-10 hours away. She never knew where I would turn up. I need freedom.
Okay, I know this will be hard to believe but in a NORMAL relationship when one is expected at home by a certain time it is COMMON COURTESY you call the other and let them know you are going to hang out with the boys at the bar after work and will be late! This is so the other doesn't wonder where the hell you are! Might I also point out that if you want to do what you want when you want, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP TRYING TO GET MARRIED! Married or attached people don't have free run!
I have a friend that would come help me mow and do yard work. I can handle everything else just as I have always done. It just sucks never being able to count on someone being part of my team.
Being part of a team is exactly that, but as you said in an earlier post, you don't want to be part of a team, because you want to be able to go to the bar and hang out with buddies and do what you want when you want. That isn't how a team works.
Your idea of a "team" is having a guy back at the house babysitting, mowing grass, doing laundry and chores while you are out at the bar or doing "what you want when you want" and I GUARANTEE you won't find ANY MAN who is going to join that team.
Okay, I know this will be hard to believe but in a NORMAL relationship when one is expected at home by a certain time it is COMMON COURTESY you call the other and let them know you are going to hang out with the boys at the bar after work and will be late! This is so the other doesn't wonder where the hell you are! Might I also point out that if you want to do what you want when you want, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP TRYING TO GET MARRIED! Married or attached people don't have free run!
We did not live together. Also looking at relationships around me, some marriages, they do not give up freedom to partake in hobbies, friends or even stopping at the grocery store without an escort. Heck he would sit outside the bathroom and wait for me, with the pets. That is normal in relationships? I have had lots and that was new to me.
Even when I was married, my husband was fine with me stopping at the bar, or going out with friends.
From what you write here it's pretty apparent you don't have men in your life worth their own skin or willing to commit to larger relationship goals becuase you don't want to treat them with the type of respect you demand for yourself, you're just looking for whatever hits the gong inside your head that signals immediate gratification and off you go on the next adventure.
The second they catch on and begin to pull back from all the tugging you give it falls to **** and you are right back here posting about how many good men don't give you what you need.
But please, continue on...
Last edited by rego00123; 06-27-2016 at 10:11 AM..
We did not live together. Also looking at relationships around me, some marriages, they do not give up freedom to partake in hobbies, friends or even stopping at the grocery store without an escort. Heck he would sit outside the bathroom and wait for me, with the pets. That is normal in relationships? I have had lots and that was new to me.
Then why are you still in the 'relationship'?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
Even when I was married, my husband was fine with me stopping at the bar, or going out with friends.
I'm not saying that action contributed to the end of your relationship, but I will point out that the two of you are no longer married.
IF you are in a relationship, as Bearsdad eluded, you should have the courtesy and respect to contact your SO and let them know.
"...because she will walk all over him and he will never give her the stability that she needs."
This is not a strong woman. This is an insecure, pain-in-the-butt woman. A strong, secure woman will not feel the need to step over a guy's boundaries, even if he were to let her.
well said!
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