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So why does it not matter that the gym knows or not?
Because they are not his employer, he works for himself. And we don't train when any bosses of the place are there. Not internationally but we train late at night. The gym is still full but no bosses. I know I'm not explaining this very well but his friend began dating his client in the same place and she has been able to remain his client as the gym aren't too bothered as long as they don't have public displays of affection at the work place.
... the gym aren't too bothered as long as they don't have public displays of affection at the work place.
I know you think this point ^^ is one for the "plus" column, but it is not. I get what you are saying, that it doesn't matter to the gym owners because obviously they are just leasing him a space to work out and don't care what he does while he's there, but that really is not good.
Just because someone began dating and got married doesn't make this kind of behavior ok. It's BAD. It's really unprofessional, and people should be able to go to a gym or get a personal trainer without wondering if they are being hit on. And trainers should have an expectation of working one on one without being hit on by their clients, too. Just because a trainer is touching you doesn't mean it's sexual. There is a boundary that has to be respected.
But ... you two have already crossed the professional boundary so egregiously many times that it almost doesn't matter anymore, but it's important because you need to understand that this is not professional, acceptable behavior.
He shouldn't have been texting you. You should not have relied on him to get you through whatever hard time you were going through because it's inappropriate. That's not what personal trainers are supposed to be for.
I know you think this point ^^ is one for the "plus" column, but it is not. I get what you are saying, that it doesn't matter to the gym owners because obviously they are just leasing him a space to work out and don't care what he does while he's there, but that really is not good.
Just because someone began dating and got married doesn't make this kind of behavior ok. It's BAD. It's really unprofessional, and people should be able to go to a gym or get a personal trainer without wondering if they are being hit on. And trainers should have an expectation of working one on one without being hit on by their clients, too. Just because a trainer is touching you doesn't mean it's sexual. There is a boundary that has to be respected.
But ... you two have already crossed the professional boundary so egregiously many times that it almost doesn't matter anymore, but it's important because you need to understand that this is not professional, acceptable behavior.
He shouldn't have been texting you. You should not have relied on him to get you through whatever hard time you were going through because it's inappropriate. That's not what personal trainers are supposed to be for.
So now you're here, confused, in a mess.
It was like a life coach type thing he did when he helped me through everything he said he is qualified and has done it for years. He trains many other people and they are all in a professional manner so I think people can assume they are safe around him and I don't want him to be professional with me in the sense of he's like a friend I wouldn't expect him to go all professional on me... like if your friend worked at a bar but asked you for iD and refused to serve you cos they were being professional and you hasn't took your I. D out with you.
So crossing the boundaries to friendship and not professional anymore is ok with me in that sense.
It was like a life coach type thing he did when he helped me through everything he said he is qualified and has done it for years. He trains many other people and they are all in a professional manner so I think people can assume they are safe around him and I don't want him to be professional with me in the sense of he's like a friend I wouldn't expect him to go all professional on me... like if your friend worked at a bar but asked you for iD and refused to serve you cos they were being professional and you hasn't took your I. D out with you.
So crossing the boundaries to friendship and not professional anymore is ok with me in that sense.
This ^^ is what's called a "gray area."
I get what you're saying, and it's easier to live that way, but now you are in a situation where you need to make some black and white decisions.
If his wife showed up at your door today with some questions about her husband, you would no longer be allowed to live in that gray area.
Using your bartender example, in my state, servers are required to card EVERYONE before they are served, and if they serve a minor or if they DON'T card, they can be cited. So putting your friend in the position of not carding you because you "left your ID at home," while a "cool" thing for your friend the bartender to do, is not really something a good friend would do to another friend.
Get it?
You two have gotten yourselves into a really messy situation that you need to clear up. Next time you see him, you need to be up front with him and tell him about the confusion he is causing you, and make some black and white decisions about your life.
It was like a life coach type thing he did when he helped me through everything he said he is qualified and has done it for years. He trains many other people and they are all in a professional manner so I think people can assume they are safe around him and I don't want him to be professional with me in the sense of he's like a friend I wouldn't expect him to go all professional on me... like if your friend worked at a bar but asked you for iD and refused to serve you cos they were being professional and you hasn't took your I. D out with you.
So crossing the boundaries to friendship and not professional anymore is ok with me in that sense.
You know that he is professional around them...how?
You know for a fact that he hasn't approached others the way he has approached you?
It was like a life coach type thing he did when he helped me through everything he said he is qualified and has done it for years. He trains many other people and they are all in a professional manner so I think people can assume they are safe around him and I don't want him to be professional with me in the sense of he's like a friend I wouldn't expect him to go all professional on me... like if your friend worked at a bar but asked you for iD and refused to serve you cos they were being professional and you hasn't took your I. D out with you.
So crossing the boundaries to friendship and not professional anymore is ok with me in that sense.
Honey, you know this is wrong...you know it.
Other people have said this already, but...he's not "leaving" his wife, he's just looking for a little side action, but he's waiting for YOU to make all the official moves so he can say later when you're in tatters sobbing because you've pinned him down to an answer, "You knew going into this that I was still with my wife and yet you pursued this, you wanted it, I'm sorry you got hurt." Then he'll move on to the next girl to, um...coach.
Just stop this. It SEEMS like a connection and close and so on because he's on the make and scooting every little movement and bit of eye contact and accidental touch and so on to be that way, that's how we naturally, subconsciously act when we're trying to get with someone. We "mirror" (Google it, body language). It's a subconscious social way to establish a connection with someone. Later when he's done with you that will all disappear and you'll be on here posting, "But he was SO into this in the beginning, we clicked, I mean really connected, HE pursued, now he's backing off. Why?"
Well, you already know why. In advance of actually having gotten your heart broken. You're welcome. Let this guy "coach" some other unsuspecting girl. You move along to someone who can give you a real relationship.
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