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Wouldn't continuing your life 'as normal' include staying away from him?
If you know cookies make you fat, you don't purposely surround yourself with them, knowing how good they taste.
I guess, but I don't really want to lose him as a friend he's really helped me through so much in my life.
No they aren't legally separated, and I'm not overly sure what the living situation is at the moment, I didn't want to ask a million questions about it when he told me as he doesn't really owe me anything we haven't even both said we like each other. I could be completely wrong about it.
You should ask him to give you the specifics about what is going on. If he is still living with his wife, he is just fooling himself and you. Most guys who are "separated", but not legally, and are still living with their wives are nowhere even close to actually leaving those women.
The second I noticed my attraction to him, is the second I would back off.
Situations like these never end well. Pining after someone who is emotionally unavailable is one of the worst things a person can put themselves through. His life is off limits and WAY too complicated, get out now before things get even more complicated and confusing for you.
I don't doubt he has "feelings" but the question is what kind of feelings? And are they the kind that could form and sustain a healthy relationship?
If I were doing a checklist, I would say, "NO."
My new favorite quote might help you in this case:
"Everyone must choose between the pain of discipline or the pain of regret."
If you discipline yourself NOW, recognize this for what it is and separate yourself from this situation, you may save yourself years of painful regret.
I really like that quote, thank you for sharing it with me. It speaks volumes, it's very true.
I guess I will never know how he feels, maybe it's time to really reign myself in and see him as nothing more than a friend.
If the guy were old enough to be my father? The muscles wouldn't matter.
Never in my life have I liked an older man, it's just not something that has ever interested me, that is kind of what makes this strange for me, I didn't see it coming at all, not even from myself.
I mean no disrespect to you but please don't talk to me as though I am a stupid little girl who is falling over herself for the attention of an older man.
I don't know what this is, I've very much got my guard up about it, but that is why I posted here, because I don't know what this is. I don't know if we will ever get that far but if we do then I would probably be slightly concerned that he would do this to me.
How would I feel? If I was still his partner and not split from him I would be furious. If I wasn't still with him I don't think I would have a say about what he does or doesn't do. I would probably be trying to move on with my life.
I haven't actually crossed a line with him, we haven't even kissed.
I think you are being very foolish. On one hand you would be furious if your husband did this to you, but you insist that you haven't crossed any line. If that were true, you would shrug it off as his wife.
I believe the others have it right and he is enjoying the flattery and flirting from you. Maybe it has been a long time since he felt attractive and appreciated. You could be a great person and he might be genuinely interested in you as the new love of his life. It's really unprofessional for your personal trainer to get involved with you like that, because consciously or subconsciously it exploits his position as mentor and your vulnerability. People fall in love with their therapists, nurses, doctors, and teachers all the time (hero/mentor/savior), and it's unethical for them to date. I would get a new trainer and tell this one to sort out his home life first. If he does get a divorce, he's going to need some time to heal from it.
You should ask him to give you the specifics about what is going on. If he is still living with his wife, he is just fooling himself and you. Most guys who are "separated", but not legally, and are still living with their wives are nowhere even close to actually leaving those women.
I guess I will never know how he feels, maybe it's time to really reign myself in and see him as nothing more than a friend.
The sad truth is that you won't even be able to remain "friends" with him because of the feelings you two have shared and the fact that you crossed the line into an emotional affair with "long hugs."
This will need to be an "all or nothing" situation, and both will hurt for a while.
Hint: You need to choose "nothing" right now because there is no going forward with him that won't end painfully.
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