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No, it's not being made out to be worse than it is. That was simply a statement of the facts. The fact that to you, a list of the facts of the situation sounds like an exaggeration should tell you something.
It should tell you that inappropriate behavior is going on. Lines are being crossed. You're excusing it as "we're friends". Are you also "friends" with your accountant, your mechanic, your teacher or university professors, your doctor? Your trainer is supposed to behave in a professional manner with you, and keep you at arm's length, figuratively speaking. He's not supposed to become enmeshed with you emotionally. If he has experience as a life coach or counselor and if you seem to need help in that arena, he should separate the two functions, and tell you that you can come see him at his office for life coaching.
I'm just explaining how ethical professionals operate, according to the requirements of their profession. Your gym trainer isn't behaving professionally or ethically.
That is what I came here for and what I wanted so thank you for telling me this I do appreciate it and I am taking it on board. Despite what others may think. So thank you for making me see it much clearer
That is what I came here for and what I wanted so thank you for telling me this I do appreciate it and I am taking it on board. Despite what others may think. So thank you for making me see it much clearer
Actually, the confusion you're experiencing and the difficulty you're having in sorting it out is symptomatic of situations like this. A person in a position of authority creates very fuzzy boundaries. The client feels flattered, gets drawn into the situation, and becomes accustomed to interacting in that nebulous space that has been created. Questions arise in the client's mind: Are we friends? Are we something more? Is he into me? (Typically, the question "should he be into me" never arises.)
It was like a life coach type thing he did when he helped me through everything he said he is qualified and has done it for years. He trains many other people and they are all in a professional manner so I think people can assume they are safe around him and I don't want him to be professional with me in the sense of he's like a friend I wouldn't expect him to go all professional on me... like if your friend worked at a bar but asked you for iD and refused to serve you cos they were being professional and you hasn't took your I. D out with you.
So crossing the boundaries to friendship and not professional anymore is ok with me in that sense.
Do you pay him to train you and provide "life coaching?" Is this still a professional relationship at least in the sense that money changes hands?
Were you just on the local radio station this morning? Some lady just called a radio station about a similar situation with her trainer, and everyone told her the same answer - NO, don't do it, dump him, stop it...
Were you just on the local radio station this morning? Some lady just called a radio station about a similar situation with her trainer, and everyone told her the same answer - NO, don't do it, dump him, stop it...
Hmmmm...
Is the OP wanting to get different answers so that she can prove the radio station personnel that they were wrong?
I'm not being funny but I've got a friend who's still married and hasn't been able to get a divorce yet and she's been trying for 5 years. She's been with her new boyfriend 4 years and lives with him now so just because he's still married doesn't necessarily mean they are together.
This is why you need to ask him exactly what his situation is.
This is why you need to ask him exactly what his situation is.
I can't imagine asking a paid professional trainer/advisor/counselor such a personal question. Talk about inappropriate! I'm sure this guy has been enjoying the OP's attention and attempts to flirt, just as she's enjoyed his attention. He may simply find it comforting that he still "has what it takes" as he closes in on the big 5-0 and struggles though a divorce.
Notice, though, that he hasn't crossed that crucial boundary--asking her to coffee or anything of that nature. That is a signal. It says that although he's pushed the envelope in other ways, he's not willing to go farther. He has that much sense, at the very least. The OP should back off.
I can't imagine asking a paid professional trainer/advisor/counselor such a personal question. Talk about inappropriate! I'm sure this guy has been enjoying the OP's attention and attempts to flirt, just as she's enjoyed his attention. He may simply find it comforting that he still "has what it takes" as he closes in on the big 5-0 and struggles though a divorce.
Notice, though, that he hasn't crossed that crucial boundary--asking her to coffee or anything of that nature. That is a signal. It says that although he's pushed the envelope in other ways, he's not willing to go farther. He has that much sense, at the very least. The OP should back off.
Backing off could be one rational choice.
Another would be to have a mature conversation about what has really been going on. I would do this with anyone who was giving me confusing messages.
Actually, the confusion you're experiencing and the difficulty you're having in sorting it out is symptomatic of situations like this. A person in a position of authority creates very fuzzy boundaries. The client feels flattered, gets drawn into the situation, and becomes accustomed to interacting in that nebulous space that has been created. Questions arise in the client's mind: Are we friends? Are we something more? Is he into me? (Typically, the question "should he be into me" never arises.)
Thanks Ruth. Now I'm wondering if he purposely has created fuzzy boundaries.... like sometimes I go to say something to him and then I think wait hang on is this OK or is this crossing a line too far. It's only something stupid like a joke you would tell a friend but I question everything now with him. Has he made it like that? And if so why!! Why play with my feelings?
Do you pay him to train you and provide "life coaching?" Is this still a professional relationship at least in the sense that money changes hands?
I pay him something I don't pay full fees he won't let me or take the money off me I've tried to give it him.
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Some lady just called a radio station about a similar situation with her trainer, and everyone told her the same answer - NO, don't do it, dump him, stop it...
