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I've been dating this guy for over a month and we're really happy but sometimes when I hear him talk about his friends it makes me wonder about him. If his group of friends were more diverse then I wouldn't care but when I notice similarities then it starts to make me wonder. His best friend had cheated on his fiance and has a past, his other friend is a football player and he talks about girls just give it up so easily and walk into his hotel room. He talks about his other best friend and how every time they hang out it gets "dangerous". I asked him what do you mean by "dangerous" and he said "We just drink and hop from one bar to another..." I felt like he avoided going into detail because maybe he could see he was digging himself into a hole? I could have asked "Well what happens when you guys drink?" but I didn't.
What really got me thinking about this even more was at work I overheard my Nigerian coworker saying that he couldn't have a friend that cheats on his wife and disrespects his mom but then I thought that's just cultural morals etc.
We both talked about our past relationships. He said he's never cheated on anyone. Another thing and I know you can't judge someone based on their family but his parents cheated on each other and he opened up to me about how it effected him, which is why he's not married yet because he's being really cautious and wants to really make sure she's the one and not go through what his parents went through.
I don't know, it's just stuff that got me thinking.
I believe you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep.
Yup. You've only been dating him a few weeks. Just tell him you decided it's not going to work out, you two don't have enough in common (like: core values, but you don't have to say that), and move on.
I've been dating this guy for over a month and we're really happy but sometimes when I hear him talk about his friends it makes me wonder about him. If his group of friends were more diverse then I wouldn't care but when I notice similarities then it starts to make me wonder. His best friend had cheated on his fiance and has a past, his other friend is a football player and he talks about girls just give it up so easily and walk into his hotel room. He talks about his other best friend and how every time they hang out it gets "dangerous". I asked him what do you mean by "dangerous" and he said "We just drink and hop from one bar to another..." I felt like he avoided going into detail because maybe he could see he was digging himself into a hole? I could have asked "Well what happens when you guys drink?" but I didn't.
What really got me thinking about this even more was at work I overheard my Nigerian coworker saying that he couldn't have a friend that cheats on his wife and disrespects his mom but then I thought that's just cultural morals etc.
We both talked about our past relationships. He said he's never cheated on anyone. Another thing and I know you can't judge someone based on their family but his parents cheated on each other and he opened up to me about how it effected him, which is why he's not married yet because he's being really cautious and wants to really make sure she's the one and not go through what his parents went through.
I don't know, it's just stuff that got me thinking.
How does he treat YOU?..... That's the important thing.
Just that his friends are cheaters doesn't mean he is.... I've got a few that have cheated on their spouses and yes it's not nice but end of the day it's none of my business and the way they treat me as a friend is the reason I am in a friendship with them. ......... And no I'm not a cheater
IMO you would be wrong to tar him with the same brush until he gave you a genuine reason to himself.
Believe me I can understand your feeling and concern on this I really can and if it were me I'd go out of my way to prove that you had nothing to worry about ... Say by inviting you out with us for example . Its all about trust at the end of the day.... If no trust then it's no relationship
I've been dating this guy for over a month and we're really happy but sometimes when I hear him talk about his friends it makes me wonder about him. If his group of friends were more diverse then I wouldn't care but when I notice similarities then it starts to make me wonder. His best friend had cheated on his fiance and has a past, his other friend is a football player and he talks about girls just give it up so easily and walk into his hotel room. He talks about his other best friend and how every time they hang out it gets "dangerous". I asked him what do you mean by "dangerous" and he said "We just drink and hop from one bar to another..." I felt like he avoided going into detail because maybe he could see he was digging himself into a hole? I could have asked "Well what happens when you guys drink?" but I didn't.
What really got me thinking about this even more was at work I overheard my Nigerian coworker saying that he couldn't have a friend that cheats on his wife and disrespects his mom but then I thought that's just cultural morals etc.
We both talked about our past relationships. He said he's never cheated on anyone. Another thing and I know you can't judge someone based on their family but his parents cheated on each other and he opened up to me about how it effected him, which is why he's not married yet because he's being really cautious and wants to really make sure she's the one and not go through what his parents went through.
I don't know, it's just stuff that got me thinking.
It's no problem if your guy is a leader, not a follower!
I agree with what Londoncowboy says.........^^^^^^^^
I've been dating this guy for over a month and we're really happy but sometimes when I hear him talk about his friends it makes me wonder about him. If his group of friends were more diverse then I wouldn't care but when I notice similarities then it starts to make me wonder. His best friend had cheated on his fiance and has a past, his other friend is a football player and he talks about girls just give it up so easily and walk into his hotel room. He talks about his other best friend and how every time they hang out it gets "dangerous". I asked him what do you mean by "dangerous" and he said "We just drink and hop from one bar to another..." I felt like he avoided going into detail because maybe he could see he was digging himself into a hole? I could have asked "Well what happens when you guys drink?" but I didn't.
What really got me thinking about this even more was at work I overheard my Nigerian coworker saying that he couldn't have a friend that cheats on his wife and disrespects his mom but then I thought that's just cultural morals etc.
We both talked about our past relationships. He said he's never cheated on anyone. Another thing and I know you can't judge someone based on their family but his parents cheated on each other and he opened up to me about how it effected him, which is why he's not married yet because he's being really cautious and wants to really make sure she's the one and not go through what his parents went through.
I don't know, it's just stuff that got me thinking.
I don't form close relationships with people who talk about their friends. You guys should be talking about what you are going to do together in the future and talk about those good times.
How does he treat YOU?..... That's the important thing.
Just that his friends are cheaters doesn't mean he is.... I've got a few that have cheated on their spouses and yes it's not nice but end of the day it's none of my business and the way they treat me as a friend is the reason I am in a friendship with them. ......... And no I'm not a cheater
IMO you would be wrong to tar him with the same brush until he gave you a genuine reason to himself.
Believe me I can understand your feeling and concern on this I really can and if it were me I'd go out of my way to prove that you had nothing to worry about ... Say by inviting you out with us for example . Its all about trust at the end of the day.... If no trust then it's no relationship
My fellow Londoner, you're right. He does treat me good, he's very thoughtful and really wants to make this work. He does want me to meet his friends and family.
I don't form close relationships with people who talk about their friends. You guys should be talking about what you are going to do together in the future and talk about those good times.
We do that too, I never mentioned every single detail of our relationship cos I just wanted to focus on this issue and get some feedback.
I think guys put up with A LOT from their friends but if this guy isn't even saying anything to them - to cut it out - then I might worry a bit. I mean everyone has "that one friend" or two but you will generally call him/her out on it and not be happy about it, and if it continued you'd probably eventually distance yourself from this person.
But really I'd be worried about the dangerous comment. That outright involves the boyfriend. This is not only the boyfriend putting up with (or ignoring) the behavior. He's taking part in it!
I don't know, the whole thing seems a little "off" to me...I don't know if "worry" is actually the right word, but it might make me see the boyfriend differently - as someone pretty immature and probably not "permanence" material.
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. Its all about trust at the end of the day.... If no trust then it's no relationship 
