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I think many of the guys complaining about women having too much power in the interaction don't realize what goes on.
Approaching a woman effectively isn't rocket science. All a guy has to do is say "Hi, I'm xxx" shake hand, listen and remember her name then give a genuine compliment and small talk to know what she's like. If the feeling is good and both have time move the girl in a place where they can comfortably keep talking and go forward from there. If no time he can tell her to put her number in his mobile phone and call later. If nothing seems to spark just say with a smile "it was nice talking to you, have a nice day" and walk away. Incredibly terrifying, right?
Let me tell you what's really a terrifying approach. It's when a guy goes to a random girl and he is so desperate to have sex with her that the first thing he says is some unfunny pick up line (dude:"Oh my god! Are you hurt? Because you just fell from heaven" which proceeds to complain on an internet forum after the girl answers: "do you know who else fell from heaven? Satan."), then she tells her name but the guy won't remember because who cares, she has boobies and nothing else matters. Then she turns cold and wants to leave but doesn't tell the guy right away he's an idiot because she might be afraid to be unpolite (guy will also inevitably report on internet forums how bitchy and entitled the girl was). After a while the guy can either talk about totally uninteresting, boring and plain stuff he has no passion about for an overly prolonged amount of time in the hope of achieving god knows what or become a dancing monkey spouting unfunny jokes one after another because someone else on the internet told him that women like men who make them laugh (hint- women laugh at men they already like, not vice versa).
In either case the guy is being awkward for long periods of times. And that's the problem. Nobody likes resorting to be a dancing monkey to keep people's attention. Nobody likes to feel uncomfortable and waiting to be qualified by another person (whole ego is at stake in the bad interaction. If girl doesn't like guy he feels his worth as a human being is reduced). We can call this an approach but in reality the guy is just failing at social interaction and he is deservedly treated like a loser for it.
I've seen many guys doing stupid approaches of all kinds. If they just had a camera pointed at them and were forced to listen what they were saying and watch what they were doing they would understand who really is at fault in the interaction. The guys who fail at approaching and at understanding how this stuff works are the same guys who believe their real personality is worth nothing and they have to resort to tactics in the hope of making a better impression than they otherwise would.
Anyway even in a hypothetical world where every woman was showered by male attention and never initiated anything and every man was forced to either cold approach or die alone I would still choose to be a man. Why? Because having choice is worth a lot.
There are infinite women, men can just keep hitting the type they like until they get the result they want. Waiting for people to come and approach you and hoping one of them is mr.right is a premium time waster. When you don't get to choose you simply don't hold any power.
So, to the guys complaining about women not approaching, please stop feeling bad for yourself if women don't ask you out. You get to decide what to do with your life and the people you talk to. Isn't that great?
This is an excellent point. I decide the women I approach or the women I am friends with and since I'm picky about that it is a good thing .
I approach women, but I wear a lot of trench coats and hoodies so....
On the other hand, I often approach in workout gear, often the cut off short on the side that starts at the bottom and usually goes all the way to the shoulder... my first statement is about how much I make, the car I drive, how much I workout, and how many women want to go out with me.
I'm not free for a date until June for those interested...
Actually I'm old, grew a long Amish beard, practice humility, and tend to listen vs talk too much upon introduction.
Cold approaches are terrifying to me.. I don't feel it's an advantage to have that "power" for me
It comes down to personality as well. Confident men have the power because they can approach who they want. Shy guys have it worse because they probably won't get approached and would be too shy to cold approach so can be left on the shelf. Shy girls' choices may be limited to who approaches them but it's better for them that it's considered up to men to approach if they're at least getting approaches.
Yeah but when you're a guy, it goes without saying.. It is what it is. You're just giving a woman the time she needs anyway.
Just saying, some guys tend to jump the gun & skip all formalities by assuming a woman has already "made up her mind" - so to speak..
It can very easily create a weird, unwanted dynamic, IMO..
I am responsible for my actions, and do my best to act wisely.
Yes I am a guy but I am also a guy who wants to know if the woman is worth getting to know. If she has a bad personality I wouldn't want to sleep with her. I know some men will bang anything that moves but I'm not that type.
Yes I am a guy but I am also a guy who wants to know if the woman is worth getting to know. If she has a bad personality I wouldn't want to sleep with her. I know some men will bang anything that moves but I'm not that type.
I can understand it. Getting to know strangers is a risky business lol ~ especially if/when alcohol's involved.
Huh? It's not an excuse or a reason for me or anyone else to hate women it's simply saying for plain or unattractive people of either gender a cold approach is not an easy way or the best way to attract the opposite sex since looks are usually the main motivation of a cold approach
Lastly where does this if you look clean and groomed you may get approached come from?
Maybe it's because I'm in NYC and most people here are reasonably groomed..I guess there are hole in the wall cities with a lot of unhygenic people and if you take a shower and put on decent clothes you somehow stand out lol..not here
Admittedly, there is more to it than looking clean and groomed. You do have to stand out. However there are more ways to stand out than just (genetic) looks. In my experience, women seem to gravitate towards men who are trying to achieve something.
Originally Posted by CarGi87 View Post
Actually approach is also a vague concept.
I think many of the guys complaining about women having too much power in the interaction don't realize what goes on.
Approaching a woman effectively isn't rocket science. All a guy has to do is say "Hi, I'm xxx" shake hand, listen and remember her name then give a genuine compliment and small talk to know what she's like. If the feeling is good and both have time move the girl in a place where they can comfortably keep talking and go forward from there. If no time he can tell her to put her number in his mobile phone and call later. If nothing seems to spark just say with a smile "it was nice talking to you, have a nice day" and walk away. Incredibly terrifying, right?
Let me tell you what's really a terrifying approach. It's when a guy goes to a random girl and he is so desperate to have sex with her that the first thing he says is some unfunny pick up line (dude:"Oh my god! Are you hurt? Because you just fell from heaven" which proceeds to complain on an internet forum after the girl answers: "do you know who else fell from heaven? Satan."), then she tells her name but the guy won't remember because who cares, she has boobies and nothing else matters. Then she turns cold and wants to leave but doesn't tell the guy right away he's an idiot because she might be afraid to be unpolite (guy will also inevitably report on internet forums how bitchy and entitled the girl was). After a while the guy can either talk about totally uninteresting, boring and plain stuff he has no passion about for an overly prolonged amount of time in the hope of achieving god knows what or become a dancing monkey spouting unfunny jokes one after another because someone else on the internet told him that women like men who make them laugh (hint- women laugh at men they already like, not vice versa).
In either case the guy is being awkward for long periods of times. And that's the problem. Nobody likes resorting to be a dancing monkey to keep people's attention. Nobody likes to feel uncomfortable and waiting to be qualified by another person (whole ego is at stake in the bad interaction. If girl doesn't like guy he feels his worth as a human being is reduced). We can call this an approach but in reality the guy is just failing at social interaction and he is deservedly treated like a loser for it.
I've seen many guys doing stupid approaches of all kinds. If they just had a camera pointed at them and were forced to listen what they were saying and watch what they were doing they would understand who really is at fault in the interaction. The guys who fail at approaching and at understanding how this stuff works are the same guys who believe their real personality is worth nothing and they have to resort to tactics in the hope of making a better impression than they otherwise would.
Anyway even in a hypothetical world where every woman was showered by male attention and never initiated anything and every man was forced to either cold approach or die alone I would still choose to be a man. Why? Because having choice is worth a lot.
There are infinite women, men can just keep hitting the type they like until they get the result they want. Waiting for people to come and approach you and hoping one of them is mr.right is a premium time waster. When you don't get to choose you simply don't hold any power.
So, to the guys complaining about women not approaching, please stop feeling bad for yourself if women don't ask you out. You get to decide what to do with your life and the people you talk to. Isn't that great?
(Couldn't find original post)
I like this post. And there are many ways to approach. Essentially, talk to the woman like a human being
Originally Posted by CarGi87
Actually approach is also a vague concept.
I think many of the guys complaining about women having too much power in the interaction don't realize what goes on.
Approaching a woman effectively isn't rocket science. All a guy has to do is say "Hi, I'm xxx" shake hand, listen and remember her name then give a genuine compliment and small talk to know what she's like. If the feeling is good and both have time move the girl in a place where they can comfortably keep talking and go forward from there. If no time he can tell her to put her number in his mobile phone and call later. If nothing seems to spark just say with a smile "it was nice talking to you, have a nice day" and walk away. Incredibly terrifying, right?
Incredibly terrifying, yet, women don’t do it at least as much as men do. Approaching a man effectively isn’t rocket science for women either but they still don’t do it. I would think that in Asia women would be more reserved but at least in my case and other non-Asian friends that have lived in Asia know women do more approaching than in western countries. It’s nice to have a woman approach, break the ice, introduce herself, get you a drink or snack, ask when you can hang out again, exchange contact info., go out, and so on. Not sure why women, generally speaking, would keep themselves from ever doing all that for a guy they feel attracted to and rather just wait and leave it all to him. Maybe they can lose the opportunity to meet a nice guy.
So as for the question “Why don't women approach men to talk to?” , because they don’t need to. Is like asking why won’t people in a restaurant stand from their tables and go cook their meals? Well, no need to do that. The food is brought to their tables without any effort. They pick and choose what they want and enjoy. Will it ever change? I think so. Still a long way to go but it seems it is slowly changing here and there.
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