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A lot of woman who move in while hoping for a proposal someday, start doing more than their fair share of domestic chores. Perhaps they are trying hard to "pass the test" and show their bf what a great wife they will be. This is a really bad move that will back fire unless you enjoy being cheif cook and toilet cleaner for the rest of your life
Hmm! I'm chief cook, bottle washer, chauffer, pet minder, launderer and caregiver. I have been for years ever since my wife became disabled. But we've been married for 20 years and while not fun and stressful at times, her needs come first.
Before her disabilities hit she worked fulltime and we shared jointly in all household chores as that was appropriate.
I really hate the concept here of manipulating someone into marrying you.
Don't you just want a guy who wants to marry you? Doesn't matter if you live with him or whatever.
I feel this way about it too. It feels so sad. She is afraid of him jumping ship from an engagement, she's afraid he will laze around just never bothering to marry her as if she's some sort of live-in help or something, she is/was afraid even to broach the subject with him, as if merely bringing it up might make him bolt...OP, really, this is the one? Are you sure? Because you sound so UNsure of him. I know you have invested a lot of time and your heart but...I don't know. Maybe you're the one who should be hesitating and thinking, not him. Maybe you're the one who should be slowing down (way way down) thoughts of an engagement right now (while you do some thinking), not pushing and hoping and bargaining for a "promise."
I know this wouldn't be easy bit the reality is, there probably is a great guy out there you wouldn't have to wrangle into uncertain promises. Someone who would want to commit to you, just because you are you.
Hmm! I'm chief cook, bottle washer, chauffer, pet minder, launderer and caregiver. I have been for years ever since my wife became disabled. But we've been married for 20 years and while not fun and stressful at times, her needs come first.
Before her disabilities hit she worked fulltime and we shared jointly in all household chores as that was appropriate.
Obviously, this is not the situation (disability, but unhesitating responsibility toward the chores until that time) that anyone is talking about here.
We can't agree on this. He wants to move together first to see how things going. But I want to get engaged first. I will feel more comfortable to move together after engagement.
I like the concept of dating and getting engaged before living together - but that worked well for me. I wouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with, and I'd also not pressure him about a marriage timeline.
I disagree with the advice a couple needs to live together first to see if they're compatible. I remember reading once that the divorce rate was higher amongst those couples who cohabitated before marriage.
That situation doesn't sound like two good people who love each other, it sounds like a business situation.
Agreed. They are not on the same page, and neither one of them should really have to negotiate this. The only solution is to either wait until they are on the same page (if ever), or cut their losses and move on.
Personally, I wouldn't care if either of our families "looked down" on us for living our own lives. But I'm not a good Asian man, thankfully. I'm American, and I'm evil!
No disrespect.
Haha, my bf is ABC too. He has been influenced by American free will concept. But his Mom is a real Asian and she is very caring about us. I don't care the family will look down on me: he only has his Mom here and she is really nice to me, like a mom to daughter.
I like the concept of dating and getting engaged before living together - but that worked well for me. I wouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with, and I'd also not pressure him about a marriage timeline.
I disagree with the advice a couple needs to live together first to see if they're compatible. I remember reading once that the divorce rate was higher amongst those couples who cohabitated before marriage.
You should send me that article/paper haha so I could educate my bf
Agreed. They are not on the same page, and neither one of them should really have to negotiate this. The only solution is to either wait until they are on the same page (if ever), or cut their losses and move on.
I see some misunderstanding here. But thanks for the analysis. I'm not begging a marriage. Sometimes this topic should be brought up between a couple. Negotiation is a way to resolve conflict not a red flag of relationship. Even perfect relationship can't avoid conflict.
well said- this isn't about the relative morality of living together before marriage or whether people (men and women ) should feel rushed into marriage-
but helping the OP clarify what SHE wants, and is willing to sacrifice...
It doesn't seem the man here is really being fair to her, knowing that her goal is a marriage and kids...
if she isn't the one for him, fine, but she already stated HE is the one for her....
Yes, I believe he is the one for me!
Well, actually I should move in 4 months ago but he rent out the first floor so I live with his relatives first. He is not very aggressive in fact he is shy as always. Every time it's me to bring up some ideas.
I don't mind to move together first. It's a test for both of us.
A lot of woman who move in while hoping for a proposal someday, start doing more than their fair share of domestic chores. Perhaps they are trying hard to "pass the test" and show their bf what a great wife they will be. This is a really bad move that will back fire unless you enjoy being cheif cook and toilet cleaner for the rest of your life
My bf likes doing house chores. I guess I should ask him directly "are you trying to play house with me!"
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