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Before I get into the details, I’ll provide some background information. I am 21 years old, play bass in a band that tours regionally, and attend a large state university in the Midwest, where I’m studying German. My current life is generally good, but there is still one aspect which is lacking. I still have yet to have a serious girlfriend, and I find it somewhat frustrating. So far, I haven’t been able to meet a woman I’ve really been compatible with, and I’m not really sure how to go about it either.
With respect to women, I have always been a bit behind. I didn’t even kiss a girl until I was 19, and only lost my virginity a few months ago, at 21. So far, I’ve done things with four girls, but I only actually slept with most recent one. The rest I only got to make out with a couple of times. None of these girls hung around me for very long either, on average about a week before they stopped talking to me. However, losing my virginity has at least given me a little bit of confidence, before I was very depressed and upset about my lack of experience. Now that I’ve at least gotten that problem out of the way and actually had sex (albeit only twice), I want to meet someone I can properly date. The problem is, I don’t know where I’d look.
For starters, I am a natural introvert and my social circle is quite small. The only people I hang out with on a regular basis are my three roommates, who are also musicians like myself. I don’t go out much, and I only really go to bars when my band is playing there. Mostly I just spend time at my house either smoking weed, playing guitar, or listening to records. My hobbies are fairly solitary and unusual as well, for example I learn ancient Germanic languages such as Old Norse and Gothic for fun. Currently, I don’t have any real outlet to meet women.
In addition, my worldview is quite different from that of most people where I live, and this greatly alienates me from the women there. My town is very left-leaning and full of hippies, while I tend to lean more towards the right (NOT Republican or Alt-Right though). This means that the majority of people where I live annoy the hell out of me. Most of the women around here won’t shut up about social “activism” or political causes that I’m sick of hearing about. Paradoxically, I still have the outward appearance of a hippie because I have really long hair, smoke weed, and play in a psychedelic rock band (here’s what I look like for reference: http://imgur.com/jVpj3iJ). Because I appear as a hippie at first glance, the only girls that have shown any interest in me are the hippie types, and thus I’d have to censor my true worldview in front of them. I feel like it would be difficult for a woman to fall for the real me.
Because to all of these factors, I don’t know what I should do. It’s hard for me to meet women, let alone any I’d actually have a genuine compatibility with. I mean, what woman would want to have a serious relationship with a weird, long-haired, introverted, right-leaning bass player who’s never had a proper girlfriend before and translates passages from Old Norse into English for fun? That one would probably be the weirdest chick ever, and she probably doesn’t even exist regardless. Anyway, would anybody have any advice for a guy like me? Should I keep trying my luck, or should I not worry about it for now?
What about women in your classes, having coffee at the Student Union cafe/cafeteria, attending special speakers or concerts on campus..... Do you ever go to the library? Or maybe try to study together for tests with a single female classmate or small group. Talking to females at intermission of your band gigs or after the gig? Starting conversations with females in your classes. Sitting at outdoor cafes and starting up conversations.
As far as your German major and translating Old Norse into English, there are plenty of women who are intellectual and would be interested in your intellectual pursuits.
I wouldn't use the words 'serious girlfriend'. You're too young to worry about being serious. You just need to have a longer-term relationship so you have some experience and grow emotionally.
You're within the range of "normal". You don't need to go into every date with the sole purpose of finding a "serious girlfriend". Go out to meet new people and have a fun time. But you have to get out and ask girls out and see what happens. Stop limiting yourself; you are far from hopeless. Others have already told you this. Listen to them.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Odin. Honey.
If you want people to know you are conservative, cut your hair in a conservative haircut, and wear a clean shirt that doesn't have a skull on it. And wear nice tennis shoes.
You're acting kind of oddly. You've created an appearance for yourself that's unmistakably "scruffy", pothead, and you expect people not to know what that appearance communicates.
If you're tired of women discussing liberal opinions with you, stop looking liberal! Don't expect conservative women to misunderstand your appearance and give you a try.
(I'm libertarian, and don't care how you look. But if you're always irritated that you're misunderstood for being a hippy, well, that's fixable, dude.)
You're an introvert. Getting high makes you more introverted and less likely to get out. I'm not opposed to marijuana, but moderation and timing is key.
Since you're in a band, it should be easy to meet women. Drink more tea and coffee. Avoid too much alcohol. Work on your conversation skills and make friendly eye contact with others. Pull your hair back neatly. Shave, bathe, and upgrade your wardrobe a little.
I live in a college town and know dozens of successful musicians. The ones who are friendliest usually do better dating.
Remember this: people tend to have more extreme views when they are younger. Be patient and gracious about differences in opinions. Choose your friends and dates wisely. In 20 years all of you will be laughing about yourselves "way back when."
How did you make your male friends? Really, meeting people of the opposite gender isn't all that different. You'll need to leave the comfort zone you've established, though.
DU-U-UDE! Old Norse and Gothic? ♥ ♥ Where were you when I was in college? You need to hang out with other language geeks, or linguistics students.
There's some good advice, here. Though it would pain me personally to suggest you cut your hair. But they're right that you're sending out signals that are attracting the opposite of what you want. Also, how likely do you think it is that conservative women would be into smoking weed?
So, you're still in college? You have one year left to go, it sounds like. Do you have any idea how distracting a gf can be? My advice would be to focus on finishing college, then move somewhere more conservative. Actually, you're right in the middle of one of the most conservative regions in the US. Where do they have hippies in the mid-west?! I've never heard of that.
Doesn't your campus have a Young Republicans club? Hmm... I guess not, if it's a hippie school. Is this Oberlin, by any chance? How did you wind up at a hippie school? Sounds like you made the wrong choice. Are there any volunteer opportunities in town, with more conservative organizations?
What do you plan to do with a degree in German, btw? What are your job/career plans? Maybe you should take a few practical classes before graduating, like something in the business school. What are your tech skills? You need to make yourself marketable. Some business or tech background might make you marketable to German companies in the US (Volkswagen, or whatever), or US companies doing business with Germany.
P.S. Check out Icelandic. It's like a form of living Old Norse. Cool culture, too--they still recite the sagas in Old Norse. But you knew that, right?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-07-2017 at 11:51 AM..
OP, dont worry about having a girlfriend right now, instead worry about establishing yourself in life. build your self confidence, and then you can open yourself to new experiences. by then you will be the person you want to be, and you can then start playing the relationship game.
You're too young to even think about a serious girlfriend.
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But they're right that you're sending out signals that are attracting the opposite of what you want. Also, how likely do you think it is that conservative women would be into smoking weed? 
