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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djsuperfly
I'm not being smarmy, there. I genuinely think it's sad that there are certain people out there who can't be professional and compartmentalize, so that means that two consenting adults who could do both are supposedly "off limits" to each other. Sorry, if you feel that's an attack.
Because, again, it's not just about the two people involved in the relationship.
Keep romance out of the office, especially when a Supervisor or Manager is involved.
The overwhelmingly prevailing thought here is that office romances are taboo. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Large Fed. agency where I worked had no problem with such romances. In fact, when our unit received two new trainees from training class, the supervisor assigned me to be the mentor for the unmarried female trainee, expressly stating with a chuckle inasmuch as I too was single. She became my wife.
Similarly, when I came out of training class a year earlier, my female mentor was Buchanan. One afternoon after lunch, her name was Ridgely. She and another employee were wed during their lunch hr. by a JP.
And as far as managers/supervisors and worker bees getting together, I can recall a half dozen right off the top of my head. The only one that raised eyebrows a little was the case of a GS-15 Division Director wedding a GS-3 typist who, in a very, very short time rose to be a GS-12 disability examiner. But no big deal was raised even in that instance.
Maybe Civil Service employment is more liberal in that regard vis-Ã -vis the private sector. Also, this was back in the day when society wasn't so tight-assed about harassment and the like. I dunno, but the attitudes expressed here are surprising to me.
And yet my specific scenario countered your general assumption that it is people from corporate/professional backgrounds or corporate/professional situations which are the issue.
And whether a company specifically prohibits it is rather irrelevant. Something doesn't have to be against the rules or guidelines to be an absolutely horrible idea.
But again, that's not getting into OP's specific situation. If she absolutely had to have this job or wanted to move up in this company--yes, a horrible idea. However, OP can walk away. She's clearly thought things out and is taking a measured approach to this. I agree that generally this can be a bad idea. But, OP has specific contingencies that, with a careful, measured approach, could work out.
But again, that's not getting into OP's specific situation. If she absolutely had to have this job or wanted to move up in this company--yes, a horrible idea. However, OP can walk away. She's clearly thought things out and is taking a measured approach to this. I agree that generally this can be a bad idea. But, OP has specific contingencies that, with a careful, measured approach, could work out.
This is how the emotional compartmentalization you exhorted earlier works, with Bill Clinton serving as the most notable example of that kind of approach.
All it leads to is what people call "baggage" that eventually MUST be dealt with.
Walk away now, deal with the fallout later. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by djsuperfly
But again, that's not getting into OP's specific situation. If she absolutely had to have this job or wanted to move up in this company--yes, a horrible idea. However, OP can walk away. She's clearly thought things out and is taking a measured approach to this. I agree that generally this can be a bad idea. But, OP has specific contingencies that, with a careful, measured approach, could work out.
You promoting someone to act entirely in a selfish/self serving manner, instead of looking at the bigger picture.
Really think this through... You're trying to see if your boss has a romantic interest in you. What if he does and it ends on a sour note? This is just a bad idea..
I'm not being smarmy, there. I genuinely think it's sad that there are certain people out there who can't be professional and compartmentalize, so that means that two consenting adults who could do both are supposedly "off limits" to each other. Sorry, if you feel that's an attack.
I can compartmentalize, and then after I ended it, because he started getting weird about who I talk to at work, I had two years of stalking in the workplace. Very stressful! That ended up with him being walked out by the police, and me having them at my front door "just in case".
My point was just because she doesn't need this particular job doesn't mean she'll never need another job. Word of Mouth travels whether or not it's the law on what information an employer can give for references. People still find out, and if you are a troublemaker, or caused a scene, or did anything that resulted in you being not a very good employee --then that follows you. Which is what I meant about foresight.
Professionals can compartmentalize, they should also be intelligent enough to know when not to throw caution to the wind for "butterflies".
I'm not talking about absolutes-- you're speaking from your experience I'm speaking from my experience.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calvert Hall '62
Amen to that. I could write books about the waste, but their attitudes toward socialization among us bureaucrats made workplace life more pleasant.
For some. Back in the 70s and 80 sexual harassment was far more accepted than it is now, and it's still widely accepted now, sadly.
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