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The overwhelmingly prevailing thought here is that office romances are taboo. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Large Fed. agency where I worked had no problem with such romances.
Maybe Civil Service employment is more liberal in that regard vis-Ã -vis the private sector.
Maybe civil service employment was a lot different and more liberal 30 or 40 years ago. The scenarios you're describing sound like something straight out of Mad Men. Times have changed, we no longer have 'typists' and whether or not somebody is single isn't specified during mentorship and placements...100's of hours of computer based training goes into making sure everyone is clear on what the laws of harassment, discrimination, and all the 'isms' are.
My company does not prohibit office romances and this is a global commercial bank. In fact, one couple here got married (same floor, same department) however, it IS prohibited when it involves a direct manager/supervisor.
I have seen enough to know around here, though, that when an Original Poster posts more, later information that maybe makes some other posters' advice less germane, those posters still refuse to back off their earlier assertion. With OP's original post, yes, avoiding this relationship was absolutely the best advice. However, with the new info, it's clear that OP's situation doesn't fit in the neat little box that merits such black-and-white advice.
She has more than one job. She doesn't need this particular job. If something goes wrong, she could walk away tomorrow and have no issues. She's not trying to move up in this company. It doesn't appear that a relationship would have an adverse effect on her career wise. While the boss is technically her "boss," as OP is an independent contractor, it's not a traditional boss/subordinate relationship. There is no concrete policy concerning fraternization.
Since she's in a position where she could just walk away tomorrow, if her actions create an environment that is too awkward, she could just walk away. Knowing that, if pursing this is that important to her, I see no reason why she shouldn't go for it. Again, if it doesn't work, she can walk. If it works but creates waves at work, she can walk. This is really a low risk, high reward sort of situation if she thinks there could be long-term potential with this man. Again, it's not a traditional situation that lends itself to black-and-white advice.
You're not alone in your opinions although it might seem so on here..
First of all, wow, I didn't know this issue would be so controversial to everyone.
Second, thank you djsuperfly for defending me and my position.
A lot of you seem very opposed to me getting involved with my boss, but like djsuperfly stated, I didn't ask for permission. What I do with my life is up to me.
Also, if I were that foolish, selfish, and immature, I wouldn't have come on here to ask for advice, I would have just went and done something crazy with my boss.
I'm not asking for advice on whether my situation is unethical or immoral. My current situation is that I have a crush on my boss - I'm just merely attracted to him. I'm not sleeping with him or doing anything inappropriate in the office, so please don't judge me on something I haven't even done.
We all get attracted to people in our daily lives, right? I don't think there is anything unethical about that. I do understand, however, that pursuing an office romance with a superior is inappropriate.
I am fully aware of the damages that could happen. But like I said, I'm not in the kind of typical corporate environment that everyone is assuming I am in. It's not even about me being selfish and thinking that "Oh, I have other jobs so I will try to seduce my boss and if it doesn't work out, then I can just say bye bye and go my way."
I clearly respect and like my boss and don't want to hurt him or his reputation, which is WHY I'M ON HERE.
I am NOT trying to sleep with him or have a serious committed relationship RIGHT NOW.
I am trying to figure out if the attraction is mutual and whether I can have a chance to have more casual encounters with him so that I can learn more about him, as I think he may be a potential partner based on the reasons I'm attracted to him. I want to LEARN more so that when I do leave this company, I can attempt or hope for something more in our relationship.
Thank you to those who gave me realistic advice about just following the course for now, and leaving my contact info when I leave the job. My question is how can I build the attraction so that I can get him to definitely want to pursue me when I leave the company. According to more recent info that I found out, I can be 90% sure he is single.
Seriously, let's stop judging not only me but also each other about "common sense" issues. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and have different perspectives. My situation is different. However, I'm aware of the consequences and therefore I am taking precaution.
My question is SIMPLE: From the favoritism he showed me, do you think the attraction MAY be mutual? And, if so, how can I progress our relationship to become slightly more casual without being too unprofessional so that I can get to know him better personally? It's almost like just trying to become coworker friends. It's just more difficult for me to initiate because he's a superior. Also, since our work environment is very independent - people are not sociable or interactive, it will be slightly odd to ask my boss, let alone my other coworkers to typical events like parties, concerts, or even happy hours. Everyone is of a different age group and flow different ways. I also fear that if I ask him out directly one on one, it would sound inappropriate.
Last edited by Lovedianaroses; 10-12-2017 at 10:13 AM..
First of all, wow, I didn't know this issue would be so controversial to everyone.
Second, thank you djsuperfly for defending me and my position.
A lot of you seem very opposed to me getting involved with my boss, but like djsuperfly stated, I didn't ask for permission. What I do with my life is up to me.
Also, if I were that foolish, selfish, and immature, I wouldn't have come on here to ask for advice, I would have just went and done something crazy with my boss.
I'm not asking for advice on whether my situation is unethical or immoral. My current situation is that I have a crush on my boss - I'm just merely attracted to him. I'm not sleeping with him or doing anything inappropriate in the office, so please don't judge me on something I haven't even done.
We all get attracted to people in our daily lives, right? I don't think there is anything unethical about that. I do understand, however, that pursuing an office romance with a superior is inappropriate.
I am fully aware of the damages that could happen. But like I said, I'm not in the kind of typical corporate environment that everyone is assuming I am in. It's not even about me being selfish and thinking that "Oh, I have other jobs so I will try to seduce my boss and if it doesn't work out, then I can just say bye bye and go my way."
I clearly respect and like my boss and don't want to hurt him or his reputation, which is WHY I'M ON HERE.
I am NOT trying to sleep with him or have a serious committed relationship RIGHT NOW.
I am trying to figure out if the attraction is mutual and whether I can have a chance to have more casual encounters with him so that I can learn more about him, as I think he may be a potential partner based on the reasons I'm attracted to him. I want to LEARN more so that when I do leave this company, I can attempt or hope for something more in our relationship.
Thank you to those who gave me realistic advice about just following the course for now, and leaving my contact info when I leave the job. My question is how can I build the attraction so that I can get him to definitely want to pursue me when I leave the company. According to more recent info that I found out, I can be 90% sure he is single.
Seriously, let's stop judging not only me but also each other about "common sense" issues. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and have different perspectives. My situation is different. However, I'm aware of the consequences and therefore I am taking precaution.
My question is SIMPLE: From the favoritism he showed me, do you think the attraction MAY be mutual? And, if so, how can I progress our relationship to become slightly more casual without being too unprofessional so that I can get to know him better personally? It's almost like just trying to become coworker friends. It's just more difficult for me to initiate because he's a superior.
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
OP:
You want to be more than friends with your supervisor.
First of all, wow, I didn't know this issue would be so controversial to everyone.
Second, thank you djsuperfly for defending me and my position.
A lot of you seem very opposed to me getting involved with my boss, but like djsuperfly stated, I didn't ask for permission. What I do with my life is up to me.
Also, if I were that foolish, selfish, and immature, I wouldn't have come on here to ask for advice, I would have just went and done something crazy with my boss.
I'm not asking for advice on whether my situation is unethical or immoral. My current situation is that I have a crush on my boss - I'm just merely attracted to him. I'm not sleeping with him or doing anything inappropriate in the office, so please don't judge me on something I haven't even done.
We all get attracted to people in our daily lives, right? I don't think there is anything unethical about that. I do understand, however, that pursuing an office romance with a superior is inappropriate.
I am fully aware of the damages that could happen. But like I said, I'm not in the kind of typical corporate environment that everyone is assuming I am in. It's not even about me being selfish and thinking that "Oh, I have other jobs so I will try to seduce my boss and if it doesn't work out, then I can just say bye bye and go my way."
I clearly respect and like my boss and don't want to hurt him or his reputation, which is WHY I'M ON HERE.
I am NOT trying to sleep with him or have a serious committed relationship RIGHT NOW.
I am trying to figure out if the attraction is mutual and whether I can have a chance to have more casual encounters with him so that I can learn more about him, as I think he may be a potential partner based on the reasons I'm attracted to him. I want to LEARN more so that when I do leave this company, I can attempt or hope for something more in our relationship.
Thank you to those who gave me realistic advice about just following the course for now, and leaving my contact info when I leave the job. My question is how can I build the attraction so that I can get him to definitely want to pursue me when I leave the company. According to more recent info that I found out, I can be 90% sure he is single.
Seriously, let's stop judging not only me but also each other about "common sense" issues. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and have different perspectives. My situation is different. However, I'm aware of the consequences and therefore I am taking precaution.
My question is SIMPLE: From the favoritism he showed me, do you think the attraction MAY be mutual? And, if so, how can I progress our relationship to become slightly more casual without being too unprofessional so that I can get to know him better personally? It's almost like just trying to become coworker friends. It's just more difficult for me to initiate because he's a superior. Also, since our work environment is very independent - people are not sociable or interactive, it will be slightly odd to ask my boss, let alone my other coworkers to typical events like parties, concerts, or even happy hours. Everyone is of a different age group and flow different ways. I also fear that if I ask him out directly one on one, it would sound inappropriate.
I haven't read any replies, but whats wrong with asking him out?
Sounds so simplistic to me. I dont get it sometimes.
This is how the emotional compartmentalization you exhorted earlier works, with Bill Clinton serving as the most notable example of that kind of approach.
All it leads to is what people call "baggage" that eventually MUST be dealt with.
Walk away now, deal with the fallout later. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not sure I quite understand your analogy, and, at any rate, it certainly wasn't what I was getting at when I said "compartmentalize." Let me explain:
When I was I my mid-20s, I had a quasi-management position where a woman I was dating was on my team. I was actually harder on her/expected more out of her in order to avoid any implication of favoritism. When we broke up, while awkward, we both continued to do our jobs with professionalism because, while our company didn't strictly prohibit relationships, we both sure would have been canned for bringing in a bunch of "baggage." And, honestly, I believe most people are like this. It's just the few bad apples that spoil the bunch.
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Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
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