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I posted here about the guy I'm currently going out with.
He's someone I met on Match and we had a back and forth relationship.
This time around, after 3 dates, I asked him to take down Match profile, he freaked out big time and didn't see me for 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks, he came back and we continued going out. And we pretended the conversation never happened.
We only see each other on weekends due to the distance. We've gone on a few weekend get always trips. But still no exclusive talk.
He's still on Match, Active.
Yeah, so?
Yours is not an exclusive relationship...you're still in the dating phase.
Asking him to take down his Match profile was a grotesque error on your part.
Hopefully, he'll forgive you that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzhidao
I don't feel like I can see other people while he and I are going on dates.
Why not? You're only dating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzhidao
But as the same time, not knowing where this is going make me wonder if I'm wasting my time and emotional investment.
I can see the problem right there.
You're way too clingy and controlling.
The best thing to do is to get into therapy and figure out why you're so clingy and controlling.
You should be going out with 2-4 guys every week. That doesn't mean having sex 2-4 times a week, it means going out.
And going out doesn't mean dinner and a movie. It means engaging in all types of activities, like going to the park, museums, volunteer activities, window shopping, sporting events, musical concerts, the symphony, the ballet, the opera, plays, political events, biking, hiking (skiing in season), to the beach, the lake, sitting at home watching TV or movies, and, yes, even dinner and a movie.
After you've done that for 4, 5, 6 or even 8 months, you might find that you're particularly attracted to a guy and you have a lot in common, plus you even have the same life goals right up through retirement.
That's when you pop "the question" -- Do you want an exclusive relationship?
If he says "yes" that's great, if not, then you'll have to decide if you want to continue dating or to pursue other interests.
Yours is not an exclusive relationship...you're still in the dating phase.
Asking him to take down his Match profile was a grotesque error on your part.
Hopefully, he'll forgive you that.
Why not? You're only dating.
I can see the problem right there.
You're way too clingy and controlling.
The best thing to do is to get into therapy and figure out why you're so clingy and controlling.
You should be going out with 2-4 guys every week. That doesn't mean having sex 2-4 times a week, it means going out.
And going out doesn't mean dinner and a movie. It means engaging in all types of activities, like going to the park, museums, volunteer activities, window shopping, sporting events, musical concerts, the symphony, the ballet, the opera, plays, political events, biking, hiking (skiing in season), to the beach, the lake, sitting at home watching TV or movies, and, yes, even dinner and a movie.
After you've done that for 4, 5, 6 or even 8 months, you might find that you're particularly attracted to a guy and you have a lot in common, plus you even have the same life goals right up through retirement.
That's when you pop "the question" -- Do you want an exclusive relationship?
If he says "yes" that's great, if not, then you'll have to decide if you want to continue dating or to pursue other interests.
But he and I dated before and had sex before. He desperately wanted to keep seeing me but I broke things off.
So this time I just didn't feel like I need to hold off the sex. I haven't dated anyone since him and he looks so good, I actually kinda rushed into having sex again.
Well that's your first problem right there! You're trying to be exclusive and he obviously is not! But why should he be, you're giving in too easily! You'll learn eventually and until then this is what you get, sorry but true! Don't be so accessible, be more confident in your self and give yourself more respect! Do that and you'll find a guy who want s to be with only you and maybe even marry you!
Well that's your first problem right there! You're trying to be exclusive and he obviously is not! But why should he be, you're giving in too easily! You'll learn eventually and until then this is what you get, sorry but true! Don't be so accessible, be more confident in your self and give yourself more respect! Do that and you'll find a guy who want s to be with only you and maybe even marry you!
Do you realize some women like sex and don't craftily hold it up as a negotiating tool?
As well as they don't lose respect for themselves for indulging in it?
You should be going out with 2-4 guys every week. That doesn't mean having sex 2-4 times a week, it means going out.
Damn ... 4 guys a week?
That's a part-time job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
Do you realize some women like sex and don't craftily hold it up as a negotiating tool?
As well as they don't lose respect for themselves for indulging in it?
Yeah, but those women are different from women who enjoy sex and secretly want the guy they enjoy it with to commit to them when he is not ready. It's nice if they respect themselves, but those women don't respect the guy.
Well that's your first problem right there! You're trying to be exclusive and he obviously is not! But why should he be, you're giving in too easily! You'll learn eventually and until then this is what you get, sorry but true! Don't be so accessible, be more confident in your self and give yourself more respect! Do that and you'll find a guy who want s to be with only you and maybe even marry you!
Withholding sex is not a good way to make a man or anyone respect/like you. Just like having sex with someone early on has no guarantee they'll stick around either.
Both approaches have their setbacks.
I don't know who came up with this "rule" that if you have sex with someone early on, you're automatically seen as an easy lay, and don't deserve respect. But it's not true for every man on the planet. It's best to avoid people who think like this.
Have a face to face conversation with the guy. I know it takes courage, but its the right way to handle things. Dont be afraid to make yourself uncomfortable on occasion. Thats where life begins.
Withholding sex is not a good way to make a man or anyone respect/like you. Just like having sex with someone early on has no guarantee they'll stick around either.
Both approaches have their setbacks.
I don't know who came up with this "rule" that if you have sex with someone early on, you're automatically seen as an easy lay, and don't deserve respect. But it's not true for every man on the planet. It's best to avoid people who think like this.
What you guys need to know, is that men who know whatsup, understand very well that a woman will usually sleep with a guy right away, if all the right conditions are met. Because of this, we dont respond well to women who want to make us wait, because we know very well that they didnt always wait, and becasue they didnt wait for these other guys, its not cool to make us wait.
Have a face to face conversation with the guy. I know it takes courage, but its the right way to handle things. Dont be afraid to make yourself uncomfortable on occasion. Thats where life begins.
Unless I've been reading the wrong thread, she HAS talked to him and is well aware he doesn't want to commit and has decided to end it.
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You're trying to be exclusive and he obviously is not! But why should he be, you're giving in too easily! You'll learn eventually and until then this is what you get, sorry but true! Don't be so accessible, be more confident in your self and give yourself more respect! Do that and you'll find a guy who want s to be with only you and maybe even marry you!
