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Guys... I feel like this whole ordeal is making me mentally ill.
I've been obsessed with me and my boyfriend having a child for the past 5 years... ever since i met him i wanted it to happen.
We touched on the topic of our plans for the future today...
We were talking about saving for a deposit for a mortgage and being able to buy our own flat eventually. I told my boyfriend that as soon as I find a job I want to start saving towards this too. I told him that WHEN I do find a job, I definitely want to start saving towards a deposit for a mortgage too, however I also want to save my money towards some other things too including i want to save to be able to go to culinary school to become a chef and also i want to save towards adopting a child internationally (this has been my dream since I was in my teens). He then asks me why I would need to save money to adopt a child...
Hes then like if you're thinking about adoption... i think that stability would be the most important thing for a child, the child would need for things to be stable. Saving for adoption should come after things are stable..
I get that a child does need for things to be stable and that it is important. BUT why does my boyfriend place it as being more important than anything else? HE moved around as a child, he didn't live in the same house all his life. HIS sister had a baby before she was married after being in a relationship for less than 1 year, she DIDNT own her own house - she was living with his parents and still is!!! My parents had me when they were renting a flat etc etc
Why is stability more important than me and my boyfriends ability to be good parents? In terms of the level of care and love we can provide a child with? Me and my boyfriend are both sensible and rational, he is incredibly wise, intelligent, he's bilingual, has a high paying job etc etc
Why is stability more important than my boyfriend seeing me happy and fulfilled and finally having a child after however many years of waiting?
Is stability more important than me and my boyfriend teaching our child to be a decent, caring person?
Why is stability more important than our child having 2 sets of doting grandparents that are still alive and well? 1 set of grandparents who can offer endless time, attention and love as they have no other grandchildren? OUR CHILD would be the center of everybody's world!!!
Why is stability more important than rescuing a child from an orphanage and giving them a loving home?
YES, IT WOULD BE GREAT FOR THINGS TO BE STABLE FOR OUR CHILD, but IS THAT the only thing that matters? Who's to say things wont be stable anyway if we don't own our own home and have a mortgage by the time we decide to adopt?
Many people have children without owning their own home, many people have children whilst moving around, many people have children whilst renting houses. I AM SURE that our child would turn out absolutely fine even if we don't exactly own our own flat by the time we decide to have one...
IS stability more important than everything else???????????????????
I DON'T THINK THAT THINGS HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY PERFECT FOR US TO CONSIDER HAVING A CHILD! I just want us to naturally, lovingly start a family with the right intentions and I'm sure that everything will be absolutely fine... I'm sure that we wouldn't be happier or more fulfilled. Why is my boyfriend so sensible??? Just hearing how sensible he is, doesn't it make it already sound like its a good idea for him to have a child, compared to so many other people who are unable to put any thought into it?
None of this ^^^ is relevant if he doesn't want to have a child with you right now.
Well, he didn't exactly come from an unstable environment. I'm just saying that he moved houses a couple of times as he grew up.
YET, we have to OWN our own house and be completely stable before we can even consider having a child
"Stability" means more than living in one place. It means your relationship has to be committed and solid. Yours is not.
You desperately want him to commit to you in a way that he does not want right now. The end.
You are not mentally ill. You're just self-indulgent and immature, two very negative characteristics for a parent. You are in NO WAY ready to be a mother.
You may not be mentally ill but you are acting increasingly nutso. All those !!!!! and ????? ! "Whyyyy" do you need to be in a stable relationship, etc. etc.?
"Why is he so sensible?"? Boy, that's distressing, now, isn't it.
He's 23. He doesn't want a child. They get in the way of video gaming and whatever else he wants to do at this age. I don't see where he's said he wants to marry you either. That's a detail you rarely, if ever, mention. You don't begin to understand what "stability" means.
Just because you've invested five years with this guy – your ONLY relationship – maybe it's time to cut your losses and look around to see who else is out there.
Also, do you think if you save up money for "an international adoption" they just hand over a kid if you have the cash?
Oh my, do go lie down for a bit with a cold cloth on your forehead and take a breath.
I've been obsessed with me and my boyfriend having a child for the past 5 years... ever since i met him i wanted it to happen.
Just because it's your obsession does not automatically mean he has to honor that obsession.
I think he's wise to say hey I'm only 23 and am not looking to be shackled and chained to the lifestyle of raising a child. What's so hard about that to understand?
Guys... I feel like this whole ordeal is making me mentally ill.
I've been obsessed with me and my boyfriend having a child for the past 5 years... ever since i met him i wanted it to happen.
We touched on the topic of our plans for the future today...
We were talking about saving for a deposit for a mortgage and being able to buy our own flat eventually. I told my boyfriend that as soon as I find a job I want to start saving towards this too. I told him that WHEN I do find a job, I definitely want to start saving towards a deposit for a mortgage too, however I also want to save my money towards some other things too including i want to save to be able to go to culinary school to become a chef and also i want to save towards adopting a child internationally (this has been my dream since I was in my teens). He then asks me why I would need to save money to adopt a child...
Hes then like if you're thinking about adoption... i think that stability would be the most important thing for a child, the child would need for things to be stable. Saving for adoption should come after things are stable..
I get that a child does need for things to be stable and that it is important. BUT why does my boyfriend place it as being more important than anything else? HE moved around as a child, he didn't live in the same house all his life. HIS sister had a baby before she was married after being in a relationship for less than 1 year, she DIDNT own her own house - she was living with his parents and still is!!! My parents had me when they were renting a flat etc etc
Why is stability more important than me and my boyfriends ability to be good parents? In terms of the level of care and love we can provide a child with? Me and my boyfriend are both sensible and rational, he is incredibly wise, intelligent, he's bilingual, has a high paying job etc etc
Why is stability more important than my boyfriend seeing me happy and fulfilled and finally having a child after however many years of waiting?
Is stability more important than me and my boyfriend teaching our child to be a decent, caring person?
Why is stability more important than our child having 2 sets of doting grandparents that are still alive and well? 1 set of grandparents who can offer endless time, attention and love as they have no other grandchildren? OUR CHILD would be the center of everybody's world!!!
Why is stability more important than rescuing a child from an orphanage and giving them a loving home?
YES, IT WOULD BE GREAT FOR THINGS TO BE STABLE FOR OUR CHILD, but IS THAT the only thing that matters? Who's to say things wont be stable anyway if we don't own our own home and have a mortgage by the time we decide to adopt?
Many people have children without owning their own home, many people have children whilst moving around, many people have children whilst renting houses. I AM SURE that our child would turn out absolutely fine even if we don't exactly own our own flat by the time we decide to have one...
IS stability more important than everything else???????????????????
I DON'T THINK THAT THINGS HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY PERFECT FOR US TO CONSIDER HAVING A CHILD! I just want us to naturally, lovingly start a family with the right intentions and I'm sure that everything will be absolutely fine... I'm sure that we wouldn't be happier or more fulfilled. Why is my boyfriend so sensible??? Just hearing how sensible he is, doesn't it make it already sound like its a good idea for him to have a child, compared to so many other people who are unable to put any thought into it?
There's no way this is for real; no one could possibly be this obtuse.
There's no way this is for real; no one could possibly be this obtuse.
Well, it is real. This is me and how I feel everyday. I'm sharing my honest thought with you guys as I wouldn't dare share all of this with my boyfriend. He'd probably be completely overwhelmed and weirded out. I mean he has no idea,but these are me true thoughts about things.
How can I discuss things with my boyfriend? Do we need to wait a few years until I'm in a better position? What even is there to discuss if all he cares about is stability?
Im just tired.. I want to start working towards goals with my boyfriend, but as I don't have a job I'm unable to do anything and I feel like nothing is ever going to progress until I sort myself out
Well, it is real. This is me and how I feel everyday. I'm sharing my honest thought with you guys as I wouldn't dare share all of this with my boyfriend. He'd probably be completely overwhelmed and weirded out. I mean he has no idea,but these are me true thoughts about things.
How can I discuss things with my boyfriend? Do we need to wait a few years until I'm in a better position? What even is there to discuss if all he cares about is stability?
Im just tired.. I want to start working towards goals with my boyfriend, but as I don't have a job I'm unable to do anything and I feel like nothing is ever going to progress until I sort myself out
I have been visiting this thread daily for pure entertainment, but as I have read more and more of your posts, OP, both on this thread and in the past, I realize you really appear to be mentally and emotionally sick and need some help. Please seek out therapy immediately.
In fact, had I not read your older posts over the years, I would have bet that this thread was a complete joke. You are not acting your age and it appears you are just as immature as you were when you were posting back in 2015. Someone of your age who has not grown at all and still talks, acts and thinks like a 14 year old, is in deep trouble. OP, the worst father in the world is one who didn't want to be a father in the first place.
There have been NO conversations here. Just the OP responding and ignoring with nonsense that is more bizarre each time.
Again OP, get off this board and seek professional counseling. You are not going to find answers here. You have mentioned your parents. Please go speak with them right now and tell them you are struggling and need help. Show them everything you have written here so they can see what we see.
People, I'm not sure why everyone is responding and giving advice that is falling on deaf ears (eyes in this case). The OP is clearly unstable and needs professional help and nothing that can be said here is getting through because she clearly has severe mental and emotional issues. There is not even any consistency in her stories. Responding with anything else but for her to get immediate help is just advocating for her to remain ill.
This back and forth needs to stop.
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