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isn't the fact that he always checks to see if ive remembered to bring my birth control EVERY TIME that we go away for the weekend or go on holiday together... basically the same as us having this conversation anyway?? thats basically just him wanting to absolutely stop our child from ever existing??? yet there he is in the other room, gushing at his sisters baby over a skype call
I've been "gushing" over my young nieces and nephews for years, because they are close relatives. Doesn't mean I want kids of my own.
And be smart and wait until you are MARRIED before making kids.
Suggestion for you. Borrow a baby for a weekend and give the parents a break. After 2 days of fixing leaks from every body orifice you will probably be glad you don't have one.
Suggestion for you. Borrow a baby for a weekend and give the parents a break. After 2 days of fixing leaks from every body orifice you will probably be glad you don't have one.
“Oh, but it would be different if it was my own baby.....”.
"When can we have our first child? Will it ever happen"?
OP, why are you asking this? You know the answer. Your bf has told you the answer very clearly. It will happen after he reaches his 30's, if you're still around at that time. Hopefully, you won't be; hopefully you will have made the healthy decision to move on with your life, to find someone more compatible with you, long before he's ready to have kids.
Why do you keep asking this, when you've already been given the answer?
Harsh sounding, but true. I'm a guy who wasn't ready (or maybe not with the right woman) until my 40's. Now it's likely too late. I'm dating a woman who was ready yesterday. She accidentally got pregnant with my baby 3 months ago, but had a miscarriage. I was sad about it, but we're too early in our relationship. Its hard to know the right time because I don't want to be a single Dad and we have things to work on before marriage. Its not an easy decision for a man. Maybe we just never feel ready. Hmm...
The good news is she's young and has a lot of time. She can find someone else.
You're going to have to excuse me for being direct, but I see a major maturity issue on your part in this post. Let me spell out all the issues I see:
1) Get into a stable relationship first. You're not in one now.
2) "I want a baby because someone else had a baby" is about the worst possible reason to have one. It's not an arms race.
3) Quit bringing your childhood issues into the mix. A baby does not solve old problems. It only creates new ones.
4) I'm pretty sure that your boyfriend is delaying having kids for a reason. He's just not ready for them. Respect that or move on.
5) Fundamental disagreements on what you want out of a relationship signal disaster, especially when you can't talk about them. If you want children now and he doesn't, then you need to consider bringing this relationship to a swift and merciful end.
Absolutely great points! There is an alternative to #5. Get couples counseling or even go alone to help you make a decision.
Harsh sounding, but true. I'm a guy who wasn't ready (or maybe not with the right woman) until my 40's. Now it's likely too late. I'm dating a woman who was ready yesterday. She accidentally got pregnant with my baby 3 months ago, but had a miscarriage. I was sad about it, but we're too early in our relationship. Its hard to know the right time because I don't want to be a single Dad and we have things to work on before marriage. Its not an easy decision for a man. Maybe we just never feel ready. Hmm...
The good news is she's young and has a lot of time. She can find someone else.
You found a gf!
Congratulations! After such an almost interminably long, dry spell, did you forget how to use bc? Good luck w/this, Atlguy; I hope it works out for you. How is she, after the miscarriage? That can be very emotional for women.
Well, you guys...
One of these days I'm going to blow up at my boyfriend. Him expecting us to be child free forever is just not fair. I have been dealing with these feelings for the past 5 years, I guess we're just never going to get any closer to having children. I keep on fretting about it... When my boyfriend moved over here, I honestly thought that he would want to have a child with me. I thought he would have wanted to have a family with me and create a child together. I honestly thought we would have had a child by now. I thought we would just be waiting to get stable jobs and then that would be it, there'd be no reason for us not to want a child and to start a family together. I never imagined that 5 years on, things would still be stagnant, he'd still be expecting me to take birth control as if I'm some teenage girl, as if we're a teenage couple in high school who have only been dating for a couple of weeks. We're not that! We've been in a relationship for 6 years and living together for 5 years now. I'm almost 26 years old!!! We support ourselves, we both had stable jobs. I feel like it's soooo cold/uninspiring/unloving of him to not want us to have a family. He is the most intelligent/confident/capable/charming man I have ever met and I can't stop imagining how much of an amazing dad he'd make. How he'd be such an excellent role model for a child. I thought things would progress naturally and lovingly between us and that we'd want to have a child out of love. Instead I'm pushed back and made to never feel good enough.. He's always mindful of my birth control. EVERYWHERE I GO I SEE couples with new babies and their own families, after 6 years why can't that be us? It's such a normal thing. I'm not expecting us to be pushing for a child straight away, but after 5 years of living together, I'm still expected to take bc religiously as if us having our own child would be the most diabolical and terrible idea
As soone as I've got a full time stable job, I really am going to start pushing my case. At least then I can find out how he really feels.
Last edited by palmtrees099; 08-31-2018 at 04:39 PM..
Well, you guys...
One of these days I'm going to blow up at my boyfriend. Him expecting us to be child free forever is just not fair. I have been dealing with these feelings for the past 5 years, I guess we're just never going to get any closer to having children. I keep on fretting about it... When my boyfriend moved over here, I honestly thought that he would want to have a child with me. I thought he would have wanted to have a family with me and create a child together. I honestly thought we would have had a child by now. I thought we would just be waiting to get stable jobs and then that would be it, there'd be no reason for us not to want a child and to start a family together. I never imagined that 5 years on, things would still be stagnant, he'd still be expecting me to take birth control as if I'm some teenage girl, as if we're a teenage couple in high school who have only been dating for a couple of weeks. We're not that! We've been in a relationship for 6 years and living together for 5 years now. I'm almost 26 years old!!! We support ourselves, we both had stable jobs. I feel like it's soooo cold/uninspiring/unloving of him to not want us to have a family. He is the most intelligent/confident/capable/charming man I have ever met and I can't stop imagining how much of an amazing dad he'd make. How he'd be such an excellent role model for a child. I thought things would progress naturally and lovingly between us and that we'd want to have a child out of love. Instead I'm pushed back and made to never feel good enough.. He's always mindful of my birth control. EVERYWHERE I GO I SEE couples with new babies and their own families, after 6 years why can't that be us?
As soon as I've got a full time stable job, I really am going to start pushing my case. At least then I can find out how he really feels.
So you have no stable job and he makes 50k???? Lol. Sounds like a perfect life for a baby.
Sorry but you sound very immature.
WAIT- your blog says your relationship is a mess, neither of you had jobs and living in one room???? Wtf.
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