Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You have no case and you already know how he really feels. You just like spinning your wheels in the air.
Yup. Complaining about it is so much easier than actually taking steps to change your life, such as finding a good job and a man with compatible life goals.
OP, there is nothing wrong about wanting to be a mother at your age. In fact; I was the mother of 6 by the time I was your age.
I really don’t think there are ways to articulate reasons “why” anybody would want to have a baby that will seem viable to any person in 2018, given that we have been inundated & indoctrinated with the “Why not’s”, for the last 60 years or so. We lack the narrative as to why babies are a good thing. That being said:
I’m not sure it’s the actual flesh & blood baby that you want. Are you sure that it’s not that you want to be the Mother of His Child? Because most men assign a different status to the “mother of my child” than they do the “girlfriend”.
Being young, immature & acting like a mama’s boy is not a deal-breaker for having a girlfriend but it is for having a family & I wonder if you are not confusing the cause & effect phenomena. Having his child 9 months from now would make you the mother of the child he fathered; it would not, however; make you: “The Mother of My Child”, to him.
It’s not fair to use an adorable, living, breathing baby to force your way into a status that he hasn’t chosen to assign you. There are enough kids growing up who were fathered by men that never chose their mother to be the mother of their children & the impact of that on those kids has not been a positive one.
I didn't get through the whole thing. One post stopped me cold.
Children playing outside your window making regular kid noise and your boyfriend says he wishes they would just die!?
You want to have children with a man who wants children to die because they are acting like children.
Do you realize how incredibly deranged that sounds?
You need serious help.
The only hope I have is that this is all some made-up story and you're really a kid giggling about all the posters getting upset. And if that's the case, you still need serious help.
^^^ Yes, this girl/young woman is so mixed up with false emotions and not using any common sense. She needs professional help; it seems obvious that her family, or lack of sensible family, cannot get through to her.
Most of us see the problem here that she either cannot admit, or doesn't have the common sense to admit. Her boyfriend clearly only wants sex and no commitments.
Serious counseling is needed, soon. She is begging for someone to love her, and that is why she wants a baby.
I didn't get through the whole thing. One post stopped me cold.
Children playing outside your window making regular kid noise and your boyfriend says he wishes they would just die!?
You want to have children with a man who wants children to die because they are acting like children.
Do you realize how incredibly deranged that sounds?
You need serious help.
The only hope I have is that this is all some made-up story and you're really a kid giggling about all the posters getting upset. And if that's the case, you still need serious help.
But she says they're both "ready" to have a baby! They even have their own apartment now, and everything!
While I personally think that you are too young to have a baby. If you really, really want to have a baby right now, start by figuring out a budget.
Can you afford rent, food, clothing & all the living expenses for you and a child on your salary?
Can you afford to pay for day care on your salary, and still pay all the rest of your bills?
Can you afford to start putting money away for your retirement and your child's college education?
Do you have a substantial saving account in case of emergencies?
If the answer to all of those questions is a resounding "Yes", then start to check out sperm banks and become a single mother. I would recommend having at least six months living expenses in a saving account before getting pregnant.
But, frankly, from what you have written I bet that the answer is "no" to all of those questions.
Let me add these few things:
- What if you are severely sick with the pregnancy and can't work if you go the donor route? What then?
- What if the child has a heart defect or something else that requires specialized care? What would your plan be then?
There's an old Jewish saying that I love even though I don't happen to be Jewish. "Man plans and God laughs".
When I was pregnant with my first I had a good paying job. When I found out I pregnant (my HUSBAND and I had been trying for awhile), I figured no biggie, I would continue on working and put the baby in daycare like everybody seemed to be doing or he could watch it part time since he worked from home.
Unfortunately I had that severe morning sickness like Princess Kate and had to quit working. My son was severely colicky, cried all the time and my hubby and I got no sleep. There was no way I could have returned to any job at that point. Having a baby even with a husband in the picture can be stressful and demanding. Doing it on your own? A thousand times harder especially if you have nobody to pick up the slack if YOU are sick. Think about that - you have the flu or strep throat or something like that and feel terrible. The baby doesn't care about that. He/She will still expect you to feed it, change it, etc.
Guys... I feel like this whole ordeal is making me mentally ill.
I've been obsessed with me and my boyfriend having a child for the past 5 years... ever since i met him i wanted it to happen.
We touched on the topic of our plans for the future today...
We were talking about saving for a deposit for a mortgage and being able to buy our own flat eventually. I told my boyfriend that as soon as I find a job I want to start saving towards this too. I told him that WHEN I do find a job, I definitely want to start saving towards a deposit for a mortgage too, however I also want to save my money towards some other things too including i want to save to be able to go to culinary school to become a chef and also i want to save towards adopting a child internationally (this has been my dream since I was in my teens). He then asks me why I would need to save money to adopt a child...
Hes then like if you're thinking about adoption... i think that stability would be the most important thing for a child, the child would need for things to be stable. Saving for adoption should come after things are stable..
I get that a child does need for things to be stable and that it is important. BUT why does my boyfriend place it as being more important than anything else? HE moved around as a child, he didn't live in the same house all his life. HIS sister had a baby before she was married after being in a relationship for less than 1 year, she DIDNT own her own house - she was living with his parents and still is!!! My parents had me when they were renting a flat etc etc
Why is stability more important than me and my boyfriends ability to be good parents? In terms of the level of care and love we can provide a child with? Me and my boyfriend are both sensible and rational, he is incredibly wise, intelligent, he's bilingual, has a high paying job etc etc
Why is stability more important than my boyfriend seeing me happy and fulfilled and finally having a child after however many years of waiting?
Is stability more important than me and my boyfriend teaching our child to be a decent, caring person?
Why is stability more important than our child having 2 sets of doting grandparents that are still alive and well? 1 set of grandparents who can offer endless time, attention and love as they have no other grandchildren? OUR CHILD would be the center of everybody's world!!!
Why is stability more important than rescuing a child from an orphanage and giving them a loving home?
YES, IT WOULD BE GREAT FOR THINGS TO BE STABLE FOR OUR CHILD, but IS THAT the only thing that matters? Who's to say things wont be stable anyway if we don't own our own home and have a mortgage by the time we decide to adopt?
Many people have children without owning their own home, many people have children whilst moving around, many people have children whilst renting houses. I AM SURE that our child would turn out absolutely fine even if we don't exactly own our own flat by the time we decide to have one...
IS stability more important than everything else???????????????????
I DON'T THINK THAT THINGS HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY PERFECT FOR US TO CONSIDER HAVING A CHILD! I just want us to naturally, lovingly start a family with the right intentions and I'm sure that everything will be absolutely fine... I'm sure that we wouldn't be happier or more fulfilled. Why is my boyfriend so sensible??? Just hearing how sensible he is, doesn't it make it already sound like its a good idea for him to have a child, compared to so many other people who are unable to put any thought into it?
Well you just said he came from an unstable environment.
One of the marks of a good parent is to provide a better environment for your kids than you had.
So just give it time OP. You're still relatively young and able to have children later.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
