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anyway, my boyfriend has 2 years and counting. in august 2020 im going to bring up us having a child, i'm going to plead my case with him and see what he says. im going to tell him its all that i really want.
at this point, we will have been together for 7 years.
How many more C-D threads do you think you will create between now and then about your unhappiness in this relationship? How many is too many?
Seriously, you're going to give him two more of the best years of your life?
When it all comes crashing down in August 2020, you really will have no one to blame but yourself when you wonder why you wasted seven years with the wrong guy.
How many more C-D threads do you think you will create between now and then about your unhappiness in this relationship? How many is too many?
Seriously, you're going to give him two more of the best years of your life?
When it all comes crashing down in August 2020, you really will have no one to blame but yourself when you wonder why you wasted seven years with the wrong guy.
well, hopefully in august 2020, we will have waited long enough to finally start considering starting a family.
i set the date of august 2020 in november 2017 so im still sticking to it and dont plan on changing it
the 10-15 year plan is something that he told me like 3 years ago... i don't know how much things have changed with him to be honest.
How much has changed since earlier this month when you lied to him about losing your job, he hit you across the face with a cleaning cloth and threatened to kick you out of your flat?
I don't think you two are ready to have a child together. If you can't talk to him about this, that is a big sign that neither of you should consider being parents together right now.
I also sense some jealousy on your part which isn't a good thing. Will you be jealous when he spends time and gushes over a child?
I also sense some void in your life that you think a baby will fill. While children do bring lots of joy into one's life, filling a void isn't a great reason to want to be a parent. Many days the joy is minimal and the work of being a parent is overwhelming.
Just a guess, but the sister's baby wasn't planned. Your boyfriend is wise enough to understand and want to be in a good place emotionally and financially before he has a child. He's also very young.
i get that he's young... but we're both mature. we're no different to adults in their 30's. if i don't want to have to wait until our 30's then why should we have to do that?
YES! I want a family with my boyfriend, I want us to have a child together, I want to feel like we've made it... I want people to see us as a serious couple with a child and a future. so many other couples have this, but it seems like its just never going to happen for us, for some unknown reason... maybe my boyfriend just never sees himself having children... i don't know.
i wouldn't be jealous of him spending time with our child,it would make me so happy to see it. i cant even imagine it happening in my wildest dreams.
i probably will get jealous when i see him meeting his sisters baby for the first time... i mean that may be the only baby i ever see him with as i don't really feel like were ever going to have a child of our own.
only the future can tell, but right now it seems nigh on impossible... even if i get a well-paid full time job, i doubt things will change.
i see couples with children, couples with multiple children, couples with a new baby every time we go out anywhere, i guess my boyfriend just doesn't want this for us.... many of them look younger or worse off than me and my boyfriend...
I'm 25 now and me and my boyfriend have already been together for 5 years and living together for 4 years. We are both very sensible and responsible, my mother would love to be a grandma, we both have had lovely stable upbringings ourselves, we both eat very healthy diets, my boyfriend has a professional job which pays $50,000 with benefits, we both have more than enough to offer a child. I guess its just never going to happen, I'm an only child and I've wanted to have a baby brother or sister all my life, that never happened. since i got with my boyfriend, i wanted a baby 5 years on thats never happened and i don't have any hope that it ever will. things just feel impossible. i feel like were the only intentionally childless couple in the world.
for example, his sister was not in an ideal situation to have a child. shes living with my boyfriends parents and her flat is undergoing major renovation works. If it was me and my boyfriend in this situation, then he would never even consider having a child. we'd have to wait until all of the renovations works were complete etc etc. i also used to have a full-time job (i left recently), my boyfriend also had a full-time job even then this was not enough, he still wanted me on birth control, a child was not ever a consideration. maybe its never going to happen. we have more than enough to offer...
we've talked about having children before, but my boyfriend has said things like he wants to wait 10 or 15 years or he thinks 35 would be a good age to have a job (hes 23 right now). i understand that hes still in his early 20's but still are we going to be putting this off forever?
Why is he expecting me to never want children and to just stay on birth control forever (i've already been on it for 5 years and counting)???
I just want our child to exist!
i haven't told my boyfriend how I feel, but with him always insisting im on birth control whats the point...
OP, you're forcing a BIG JOB and responsibility on a baby before it is even born, which is, to "make you happy." That is not a valid reason to bring a human being into this world. It's your job to make the baby happy, not the other way around. A kid has a had enough time just trying to be a kid and figure out the world.
You sound very "me-me-me" centered and do not appear to see that. So, no, you're not even close to being ready or prepared to be a parent, which is a selfless, giving and loving job title. Maybe is years to come you will be in a place to care for, nurture and love a baby/child in the manner in which he/she needs in order to thrive and feel secure, but not now.
Well, it sounds like your "plan" is to wait another couple years to build up even more resentment (all the while your boyfriend has no idea what the heck is going on, except that you seem angrier and angrier), then spring an ultimatum on him to get him to agree to make a baby. Can you see any possibility that a man might have bad feelings toward a child that he feels he was trapped into having? Do you think that is a sound basis for a healthy long term relationship between the two of you, or between him and his (at present theoretical - I hope -) child?
Imagine yourself in this situation.
After dating a fellow for year or so, you start talking about getting married. When you mention children, this hypothetical man says that he, too, has always wanted children, and he'd like to have children while you're both still fairly young. You get married. You set up housekeeping together. As time goes on, both of you continue talking, with growing and positive feelings, about starting a family. When you ask each other questions like "what if it's defective? what if it turns out to be gay/trans/etc? what if it turns out to be a boy instead of the girl we both hope for?" and when you answer these questions the answers are positive. So, you decide to have a baby. Your husband is just as excited as you are and when there are issues (miscarriages, false positives, horrible morning sickness, conflicts with grandparents-to-be, etc.) he's consistently supportive. He consistently puts his own short term desires aside in favor of the long term benefit of you, the child that is to be, and your family's future.
That's a description of the ideal young couple about to have a baby. Idealized, yes: but look at that portrait and compare it to your own reality and I think you will see that the gaps are just too big.
we could be the ideal situation though...
THE FACT IS that we just never discuss having children together, so it makes me feel like its not possible or not something that my boyfriend wants.
My boyfriend SHOULD KNOW that I would want to have a child. I've mentioned adopting children before, I've told him its my dream, he knew then within a year of us meeting. I watch family vlogs a lot of the time, i watch childcare and education TV programmes, ive never had any children in my life or my family...
he should just know that i would be keen to have a family with him! all he's interested in is his sisters baby, hes never even given our children a second thought. has he not thought that it might actually be nice for our families to have a grandchild... for there to be a new life in our families? for there to be a child that we can love on and nurture together? for our whole world to change??
why should i bring it up, just to get knocked back and pushed down??
Last edited by palmtrees099; 08-28-2018 at 12:15 PM..
ok then maybe he's more mature than me, you don't know him do you?
dealing with all of this for so long has made me feel tired and petty and immature CAUSE I feel like its not fair. we should be thinking about having children by now....
many of my old school friends already do have them, yet i guess we never will.. i dont mean to repeat myself so much... but it really feels UNFAIR
I live in London, England... many foreign families have children here... many bulgarian families who dont speak english have children...
my boyfriend is bilingual and fluent in both english and bulgarian
how can i get things to change?
how can he start considering this as something we could have together?????
i get so worked up just thinking about it... that im going to end up saying something stupid to push the limits.
a few weeks ago, there were some children playing outside in the communal garden of the apartment building me and my boyfriend live in. the children were being quite loud and noisy and they were playing outside me and my boyfriends window. my boyfriend started complaining about how noisy they were being and he said something like "oh i wish they'd just die" - he was in a bad mood and tired after work and didn't really mean it. after he said this, i was like "yeah they can die... just like our children have"
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