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Lostlincoln, don't beat yourself up too much over this mistake. We all have emotional weaknesses, and those weaknesses are easily exploited by certain kinds of people. Just occupy yourself with other things (it's good that you'll be busy for a while), and don't allow yourself to cave into any delusions that he was just dealing with a rough episode or that you can change him. As the saying goes, fall forward.
Date some other men. You'll likely have a good time. You might find a better catch while your current fish is swimming the oceans and seas of the world.
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
13,080 posts, read 7,523,914 times
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OP, If you find Mister Right, you will discover that you may not have anything to work with. If you find Mr. Wrong, you will discover that you have too much to work with. My wife settled and found me, something she's able to work with; I think she's at step #2.5 after 44 years.
Yep. Seeing a person as you WISH they were really only blinds you to obvious red flags, as is the case here.
At first he was really like what I pictured in mind... After we got more and more familiar, he showed his true personality. However, my friend said, maybe it's also a good thing, meaning that he felt relaxed in front of me, that we were actually close friends... Guess i shouldn't think about it anymore though.
On the off chance you are still reading this thread, I want you to read the bolded paragraph objectively. Then read it again. Then again. Because it reveals a great deal about you and what you are looking for in a relationship. You devoted all your attention to his looks, his job, and a host of surface qualities, not to mention what you thought you could get out of him as a person. Yet not one word about his soul, his spirit, his sense of empathy, or any of the other things that truly matter. And, to your sorrow, you learned the bitter truth about the guy when it was far too late.
As far as getting your stuff back, simply ask him for it. If he doesn't cooperate, write it off. Consider it to be a cheap lesson in approaching future relationships with greater wisdom. And how to respect yourself more in the future.
Yes, like one of my friends said, I was so shallow. Those surface stuffs... That's also one of the reasons why so many people want to be his friends and ask for help/advice from him, because he always seems so reliable and successful.
Like I said in the previous posts, he made me feel I'm special to him he always said he never told other people something but only told me. We knew the deepest or saddest secrets from each other and I felt we were so close.
I don't really want to contact him now. I feel like I'm not ready... I must take that stuff back because it's a gift from my mom.
Consider it to be a cheap lesson in approaching future relationships with greater wisdom I like this phrase though!
Last edited by lostlincoln; 11-07-2018 at 02:15 PM..
Reason: Forgot to add something
I have the fish/sea saying tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.
Keep reading CD-Relationships and you'll see we have a gang of about 2 dozen regulars who show up in most CD-R topics. We do it because we love romance and because we have a soft spot in our hearts for others who are having problems. I think we really have a great crew here. That's who deserve your thanks, the CD-R gang love solving romantic problems just as some people like crossword puzzles.
Except relationship problems are difficult, often involving many diverse factors such as psychology, economics, etc. Most of these posts involve very complex subjects.
I've learned hella lot since I became a CD-R regular. I'll be here until I find the love of my life. Perhaps after if we aren't in Europe or something. "Let's see, should we visit the Louvre, or should I login to CD?"
Yes, I found that some familiar names appear in different threads, that's really warm and kind of them. and I think people who post and get feedback are lucky. I've never been to other relationship online forums but I think I will stay in this one. I can also learn many from other people's posts, so why not?
Hope everyone here will find their true happiness and love in the near future.
Lostlincoln, don't beat yourself up too much over this mistake. We all have emotional weaknesses, and those weaknesses are easily exploited by certain kinds of people. Just occupy yourself with other things (it's good that you'll be busy for a while), and don't allow yourself to cave into any delusions that he was just dealing with a rough episode or that you can change him. As the saying goes, fall forward.
Ah no, you just saw right through me. I've been thinking maybe he has some troubles in his life, or his very unhappy high school memories influence his behaviors a lot (it's true)... I just can't help but want to comfort him whenever I think of that. He was so defensive on some topics but when he revealed his true feelings to me, I was very touched.
Date some other men. You'll likely have a good time. You might find a better catch while your current fish is swimming the oceans and seas of the world.
Yeah, I should...And I will. Probably starting from next weekend, we'll see
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