Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Guys, thank you for all the replies, I appreciate it. Today I was too busy and did not have time to reply. I will come back to you tomorrow...Good night!
Btw, I read one of the comments saying that I like drama...The truth is, I don't like drama. really, I am serious. If I like drama, today the title should be "finally met the man of my dream. Now carrying his baby but his gf suddenly showed up... What should I do?"
IF I really like drama, I should have stayed with my first bf, aka my ex, who happened to be a hopeless alcoholic. ....... Hope you can understand.
You're new here. I'll 'splain a bit to you. We have a cadre of CD-Relationship enthusiasts here. We jump on helping people like white on rice. We really enjoy figuring out relationship problems and get a particular thrill when somebody takes our collective advice, and succeeds!
Some of us just love love. They're often married or in stable relationships. Others are like me, looking for love in all the right places but haven't found it yet. I've learned a lot from the gang I run with.
We'll help anybody solve any relationship problem. All we ask is that the OP should be genuine, as you obviously are. We'll stick with you as long as you need help, and as long as you are working with us. We sometimes give conflicting advice so it's your job to select which advice you like best.
Lostlincoln, you never talk about the complicated relationship he's in and how you feel being the other woman? At 27 you should be more considerate of the fact that he's involved else where. Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Have you talked in depth about his complicated relationship, or have you just decided it would be alright to share? It seems you are still just looking at the chemical high and not the reality of how destructive this relationship is.
Hello animalcrazy, in fact we never really had the chance to talk about his complicated relationship. He avoided that and got annoyed when I asked anything related to the topic.
When I went to his place for the first time, I asked him if he needed to tell his girlfriend (if she existed) about it, if it was OK. He suddenly got irradiated and said "why should I ask for permission from anyone if I want you to be here". So I assumed he was single. After I stayed over night for the second time, he told me about his complicated relationship in the morning. After that we stopped most of the physical contacts (except hugging for a couple of times--- I know it was selfish, but I couldn't resist him at the moment--- and I've learned my lesson now).
Of course, if I were his girlfriend I would never want to have this kind of thing happen. I don't know where / who she is or what really happened between them, and I feel sorry, but it was too late for me to stop growing feeling for him when I knew her existence.
They have a ton in common, he can be fun (when he's not being weirdly controlling and critical), and he's SO-O-O good looking!
Part of the dynamic at work in these types of situations, including more extreme situations of a battered spouse, is the intermittent-reward thing. Casinos use this psychological trap to maximum advantage; people spend money, but every once in a while, they win a small jackpot, leading them to spend more money, hoping for a bigger jackpot. This tends to keep them hooked, especially the addictive personalities.
The OP's mental pleasure centers are being rewarded by good conversation and shared interests, not to mention the attractive visuals; she finds it flattering that a good-looking guy like him is interested in her. But the good conversations and fun outings cause her brain to override the importance of his terrible, and emotionally abusive, personality. She's high on the energy of their commonalities, so she's trying to sweep the psycho part under the rug, even though she knows she's miserable.
This is why she needs an impartial, objective opinion. She can't sort through the mixed signals on her own. It's like a person with a gambling addiction, who's lost hundreds, even thousands of dollars in a day of playing, posting on C-D to ask, "Should I walk away? But I've won a few times, and I know my big break is just around the corner. I'm on a roll...."
Thank you Ruth4truth, ....I laughed a bit when I read the first sentences, couldn't help it.
What you were saying is very true. Especially we got along quite well during first couple of meetings.
Also, since he told me that "idk why but I want to talk and share so much when I'm with you " "I never told my friends about XXX, it's so strange that I just told you everything like that" these phrases made me feel I WAS SPECIAL to him. Especially when he shared his sad story with me, I just couldn't help but feel that I wanted to comfort him.
Moreover, on the top of that, his talents, his "smart brain" blinded me as well...
It was about control nothing else. What would have happened if you took 3 minutes longer to get to your destination? Nothing, that's what. Please do not make excuses for him. What he did was not normal or rational. I'm female and there is no way in h*ll I would have allowed someone to treat me like that. Saying go left here to someone who doesn't know how to get to a destination is one thing but what you described is a huge red flag.
Ask him to mail your stuff to you or have a male friend pick it up.
At first I was surprised then I was like, OK, maybe it's you just used to do that.
To be honest if my memory serves me correctly, he didn't even use verb in the end, he just gave me directions ("Right. Straight. Left. Move. ")...
And yes... Nobody talked like that to me before I met him.
I just phoned my retired clinical psychologist friend and in rough terms she would agree with you (as I interpret her).
1. Parent with high standards for their children
2. Parents who excessively praise their children
3. Bad family life (e.g. alcoholism)
4. Just something in their brain
She says there are various theories but there is no single unified theory of the causes of narcissism.
Thank you very much for sharing this with us! I know little about his family, but for my ex, he definitely had (at least) 1, 2, 3!
You aren't in love with him; you barely know him. What you are feeling is sexual interest.
Yes, I barely knew him, even though we indeed talked a lot... But there were still a lot of things that he would rather keep them as secrets from me, especially his relationship history etc.
And I tried my best to control my impulsive behavior 😅
Guess that's the correct word...I thought it was love.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
