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Thank you very much for sharing this with us! I know little about his family, but for my ex, he definitely had (at least) 1, 2, 3!
Thank you for being such a cooperative and responsive OP. Some PPL start a topic and then mostly blow everything away. Frankly I think you have received some pretty good advice. You sound a whole lot happier than when you wrote your OP. You sound like one of our CD-R success stories.
Just remember this: fish, ocean. He's not the only guy in the world and you'll meet better if you just stick with looking for the right person for you.
And everybody makes mistakes, I have a long list of my own. We learn from our mistakes and we move on. The important part is to not repeat our previous mistakes and to keep moving.
There is no educational value in the second kick from a mule.
You're new here. I'll 'splain a bit to you. We have a cadre of CD-Relationship enthusiasts here. We jump on helping people like white on rice. We really enjoy figuring out relationship problems and get a particular thrill when somebody takes our collective advice, and succeeds!
Some of us just love love. They're often married or in stable relationships. Others are like me, looking for love in all the right places but haven't found it yet. I've learned a lot from the gang I run with.
We'll help anybody solve any relationship problem. All we ask is that the OP should be genuine, as you obviously are. We'll stick with you as long as you need help, and as long as you are working with us. We sometimes give conflicting advice so it's your job to select which advice you like best.
Lookin' forward to seeing you succeed!
Thank you very much for your warm words and explanation Lovehound.
I joined the forum in 2016 but wasn't very active. I like the atmosphere here and I've recognized and remembered several names here, it's really nice to know that you guys are willing to listen and to offer your suggestions despite we're just strangers to each others and even not in the same country.
I wouldn't say I've done with the feeling for this guy( still thinking about him today! ) but it's definitely getting better because of you people.
I even want to post the problems of my female friends' love life here and ask for advice, haha. Maybe next time.
Thank you very much for your warm words and explanation Lovehound.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostlincoln
I even want to post the problems of my female friends' love life here and ask for advice, haha. Maybe next time.
Tell them to join our forum. Going through a intermediary complicates everything. Let them post their own problem and the CD-R team will give you our best!
Thank you for being such a cooperative and responsive OP. Some PPL start a topic and then mostly blow everything away. Frankly I think you have received some pretty good advice. You sound a whole lot happier than when you wrote your OP. You sound like one of our CD-R success stories.
Just remember this: fish, ocean. He's not the only guy in the world and you'll meet better if you just stick with looking for the right person for you.
And everybody makes mistakes, I have a long list of my own. We learn from our mistakes and we move on. The important part is to not repeat our previous mistakes and to keep moving.
There is no educational value in the second kick from a mule.
I definitely received some really nice advice and like I've always been saying, I appreciate that. Hope I can really be one of the successful stories here in the future, right now I still need time.
I like the fish and ocrean saying, have heard it before, haha, and should write down on a paper and stick it onto the wall.
I think I will come back and update if there's anything new
Tell them to join our forum. Going through a intermediary complicates everything. Let them post their own problem and the CD-R team will give you our best!
As for my friends, they all want to receive nice advice as well but they don't feel like writing their stories, saying that it takes too much time to do so. still trying to convince them.
People really need to learn to separate who they think someone is, and who they really are.
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I met a guy three months and for the first time of my life I fell head over heels for someone without thinking rationally......He was just like what I pictured in my head. He looked so cute. He was tall. He had a great job. He was very, very smart. He was very talented, he played different instruments, he could sing very well, he loved musicals, he went to theatre class, he was very organized...The best thing was we could talk about so many topics for hours and he could always gives me advice/shares his opinions with me. I felt safe to share anything with him (and vice versa). I felt like he could lead me and helped me grow as well. Also, I felt sooo physically attracted to him! Before I met him I hadn't liked sex at all since I hadn't have a nice experience with my ex but this time I really wanted to have something with this guy. I didn't tell him this but he told me the exact same thing, that he had the desire for me etc.
However... Apparently his personality was not OK at all. He was quite impatient and liked controlling people around him. He had such strict rules in his place and I always felt not at ease there. When we were out together, he would walk behind me and tell me which direction to turn, should I go faster or slower. He just gave orders like "turn left. Turn right. Go faster. Move. Move faster. " or he would just walk super fast and left me behind. when it rained, he didn't really care about me even though he was the one who hold the umbrella. etc etc... He was very selfish and always suspicious of many things. He had no sympathy for poor people and I felt like when he only spent his time on talking with people when 1. he knew he could get something from them(in my case, I was probably just a potential convenient fwb for him) or 2. Girls or women who were beautiful enough and showed their interest in him(This one is true since I observed how he interacted with females) or 3. He just suddenly felt bored and need someone to speak with(probably also my case) 4. He wanted to keep his noble and nice reputation, since almost everyone who knew him thinking that he's reliable, trustworthy and super intelligent.
I think he's in a relationship with a girl (maybe long distance---since I'm sure he lived alone-- I found this out later though) but he still wanted to "play around"--- like he said he's quite open minded when it comes to sex. He could be so cold hearted towards people sometimes and that scared me. He was popular among females and he totally knew how to use this as an advantage.
As much as I was attracted to him and wanted to sleep with him, I controlled myself and refused his kisses and other things. I just didn't want to be another easy girl on his one night stand list. Plus I've never done one night stand before and thats kind of against my rule. We spent two nights together in his place, nothing really happened but... it was amazing. He really liked cuddling with me too but I could see he was troubled by this at the same time. Then he told me that he's been in a complicated relationship for months and if I believe in some Prince Charming stuff i should just better go because he was not able to give me anything at the moment(yes at least he was honest). Surprisingly I accepted that calmly and told/lied to him that I wanted nothing from him. We met again two days later and he gave me a lot of compliments for my body still tried to make out with me but I refused him again--- I was not playing the “catch me if you can” game but I really wanted to be with him without leaving an "oh so actually you're an easy girl too I knew it" impression. He also told me that he didn't know why but when he was with me, he could talk a lot and shared something that he never shared with others before. That was nice to hear (but my sister told me that most of time men just say this same bs to all the women)
Our last meeting was quite awkward. He was sick and tired of his new job and didn't really wanted to interact with me. I felt like he might find out my true feelings for him and didn't want things to get further. In the end I was like fleeing from his place and we haven't been in contact until now (almost one month)...
I'm sorry for talking that much, but the point is, I really don't think I can meet anyone like this in the future. I enjoyed talking to him, spending time with him, we could share so many secrets and confront each other. His appearance and many other conditions meet my standards perfectly --- but on the other hand he has a horrible personality, as a boyfriend or husband. I knew I would have been worried all the time if we were together, he's that kind of guy who would easily cheat on his partner. At least I feel like that. And I would have been controlled by him since he had such a strong personality and I have an opposite one. Most important is... He was not in love with me at all.
I still miss him now. I still want to meet him. I know he's 100% no good to me and my friends all told me to stay away from him after I told them all the examples of his shortcomings (I wouldn't write them down here because it would be awfully long again). I don't know how to get out. I know I should do something to distract myself but I JUST CAN'T. I think of him constantly and it's been quite torturing since I know he only regarded me as a stupid woman who would bring him a possible nice shag in the future, with whom he happened to be able to talk a lot and to have some nice conversations(and I'm sure I'm not the only female who can give him that)...
I know everything sounds quite stupid here but I just don't know what to do. I know the best way to forget about him are staying like strangers and never contacting him again...but I still have some things in his place. I don't want to contact him because of this though... My rational part tells me that it's better not to meet him ever again. My emotional part tells me that yeah go ahead use this as an excuse to meet him! My Italian girl friends told me that “ come on what you're waiting for just sleeping with him once at least you would know how does it feel ” but I don't really want to do this kind of thing.
So... What do you think? I know it's a boring story but I would appreciate it very much if you could share your opinions... Whether it's how to forget about him or how to get my stuffs back! �� thank you.
PS: guys, thank you very much for your replies, but do you have any idea how to get my things back from his place...?
On the off chance you are still reading this thread, I want you to read the bolded paragraph objectively. Then read it again. Then again. Because it reveals a great deal about you and what you are looking for in a relationship. You devoted all your attention to his looks, his job, and a host of surface qualities, not to mention what you thought you could get out of him as a person. Yet not one word about his soul, his spirit, his sense of empathy, or any of the other things that truly matter. And, to your sorrow, you learned the bitter truth about the guy when it was far too late.
As far as getting your stuff back, simply ask him for it. If he doesn't cooperate, write it off. Consider it to be a cheap lesson in approaching future relationships with greater wisdom. And how to respect yourself more in the future.
I definitely received some really nice advice and like I've always been saying, I appreciate that. Hope I can really be one of the successful stories here in the future, right now I still need time.
I have the fish/sea saying tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.
Keep reading CD-Relationships and you'll see we have a gang of about 2 dozen regulars who show up in most CD-R topics. We do it because we love romance and because we have a soft spot in our hearts for others who are having problems. I think we really have a great crew here. That's who deserve your thanks, the CD-R gang love solving romantic problems just as some people like crossword puzzles.
Except relationship problems are difficult, often involving many diverse factors such as psychology, economics, etc. Most of these posts involve very complex subjects.
I've learned hella lot since I became a CD-R regular. I'll be here until I find the love of my life. Perhaps after if we aren't in Europe or something. "Let's see, should we visit the Louvre, or should I login to CD?"
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