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Having his own place may allow both some insurance in case you decide you want a new bf some day and second he may feel like he would have give up some of his autonomy without it. This is in no way a knock on you. I myself might feel like I'd be forced to give more deference in disagreements to someone if I were dependent on them for shelter. With his debt, he might not immediately qualify for a mortgage with same terms he has now. Just a thought. No attack.
He’d have options if he banked the equity (100k). He earns 6 figures and has an 780 credit score. He’d not be dependent on my support if things went south. That’s why I’d be ok with him banking/investing his equity rather than using it to immediately pay off his student debt. He’s not struggling financially, he’s just not doing as well as I am as he’s not had the help that I’ve had. I see it as a win win for him. Lol
We’d have a joint account for the household stuff and separate accounts for... whatever.
The kicker is when you move into a place together, and after awhile, the place morphs into pretty much the other person's house. I.e., they buy the furniture, they run the show, etc. I'm not materialistic, and don't need/want more stuff. But the wifey is the opposite, and also turns out to be a hoarder as well. Looking around, my stuff is buried by the her's. Life is weird.
For whatever reason and/or blame, he seems to constantly have one foot out the door. The two of you cannot even get dinner on the table with it becoming a power battle.
WHY are you staying together?
Interesting you say that... it is like he is in battle for control.
The more he tries to push me in a direction he wants, I resist and he becomes more unhappy. I have told him I am uncontrollable. I have told him that from the start. I have a very controlling mother and she will even admit that I am.
Interesting you say that... it is like he is in battle for control.
The more he tries to push me in a direction he wants, I resist and he becomes more unhappy. I have told him I am uncontrollable. I have told him that from the start. I have a very controlling mother and she will even admit that I am.
Honestly, he's actually in a pretty good situation where he's does have a decent amount of control right now. He doesn't pay his part for the home, utilities, vacations-- and delays paying when you do speak up. He knows he can act like a total cad and you won't even kick him out. This actually has been going on for 4years?!
And the dog situation... I'm sorry but I had to LOL. I wouldn't be able to resist saying "Oh, you don't like that? That is terrible." to him. Sounds like you have many opportunities to do so.
In response to the original question, compatibility, co-operation and communication goes a long way. Unfortunately, it's pretty lacking in your situation. It'll never be his home... Get him out of the picture.
Interesting you say that... it is like he is in battle for control.
The more he tries to push me in a direction he wants, I resist and he becomes more unhappy. I have told him I am uncontrollable. I have told him that from the start. I have a very controlling mother and she will even admit that I am.
What I can't believe is that you are putting your kids in the middle of this emotional war zone. The tension in your home must be thick enough to cut with a knife. Apparently even the poor dog is receiving agitas from this guy. Aside from the fact that you seem to need to have some guy at your beck and call, what on earth is anyone in your household getting out of this so-called "relationship" except stress and unhappiness? Living on your own would be better for all concerned at this point.
What I can't believe is that you are putting your kids in the middle of this emotional war zone. The tension in your home must be thick enough to cut with a knife. Apparently even the poor dog is receiving agitas from this guy. Aside from the fact that you seem to need to have some guy at your beck and call, what on earth is anyone in your household getting out of this so-called "relationship" except stress and unhappiness? Living on your own would be better for all concerned at this point.
I agree.
Being controlling is not something to brag about. I honestly cannot envision any man who would be a good fit in this scenario.
Within four years... ya'll should have found something together.
NOT progressing in that direction is the deeper concern.
Ownership aspects aside... you have to give up primacy.
Or fully assert it and kick him out. _hit or get off the pot.
Oh believe me, I know people (all women) who would have it no other way. They will never give up their own homes. Their "partner" is just a tenant. I don't know what is wrong with these wussy guys, guess they like having a mommy taking care of them and making all the decisions.
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