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How do you be accommodating, compromising and still protect yourself? Like in this situation... he feels like the house is not his. It’s not and it would be a lousy idea to add his name.
After being burned by an ex, I would never share accounts and doubt I would co-own property ever in the future
Then don't get married or have LTRs. Eventually a guy is going to want to be a real partner or he will bail or become passive aggressive. Some guys are ok with being the less equal partner but they don't tend to be desirable men.
Well I have ocd and a perfectionist so my rigid way of doing things has benefited me substantially. Very rarely have I found someone that has a better way of doing things. Granted I am all for listening but he brings nothing of substance to the discussion
This reads like someone who only wants to listen when people have something you want.
You have (presumably) stayed with someone who has brought nothing of substance with them for 4 years. I think you need to revisit this statement and honestly ask yourself if you’re so much of a perfectionist why you can’t seem to get you’re **** together in this area and stop blaming the people you allow in to your life for how you feel.
Your stories are beginning to fall apart, both logically and chronologically.
You are treating him like you are his mommy. And he's acting like your spoiled adult kid. And you wonder why he doesnt feel like it not his home? Because its not.
You are correct it was April 2016. So almost 3 years. To long for someone to not feel like it is his home.
Then don't get married or have LTRs. Eventually a guy is going to want to be a real partner or he will bail or become passive aggressive. Some guys are ok with being the less equal partner but they don't tend to be desirable men.
How do you ever trust someone to make them joint in everything? I just don’t think that I could ever after previously having to go through a divorce owning things jointly. It was much easier to do the process when I owned everything.
You are correct it was April 2016. So almost 3 years. To long for someone to not feel like it is his home.
I have owned the home 4 years.
Its not too long for him not to feel like its his home, because its not his home. Period. His name is on nothing. There is no ownership for him, none, nada. I dont care how long you live in someone elses home, it will NEVER be his home, until you add him to the deed. If you arent willing to do that, why would he feel like its his home?
Its not too long for him not to feel like its his home, because its not his home. Period. His name is on nothing. There is no ownership for him, none, nada. I dont care how long you live in someone elses home, it will NEVER be his home, until you add him to the deed. If you arent willing to do that, why would he feel like its his home?
Lots of people live in a residence they don’t own but it feels like their home.
How do you ever trust someone to make them joint in everything? I just don’t think that I could ever after previously having to go through a divorce owning things jointly. It was much easier to do the process when I owned everything.
I can relate to this in many ways, especially when there's no marriage involved. First husband and I kept everything separate but owned the house jointly even though the $100K down payment came from his inheritance. I worked FT at a good job so my income was certainly an important part of being able to keep up the mortgage payments. I got 40% of the equity when we divorced. Second husband brought far less financially into the marriage than I did and again we kept everything separate but owned the house jointly. It was a match made in heaven and ended only when he died.
I do feel like the OP and her Significant Other would be happier separated, but there's no way in heck I'd add the name of an unmarried partner to the deed on a house that I acquired prior to the relationship.
Now that I think of it, DS bought a house and married a couple of years later to a wonderful young woman who's a SAHM to their 2 little girls. I don't think he ever put her name on the deed but she made that house a home. She even used her Grandma's sewing machine to make curtains! She always referred to it as "our home". They just sold it and bought a bigger one (3rd baby on the way- woo-hoo!) and I assume that one has both their names on the title.
Its not too long for him not to feel like its his home, because its not his home. Period. His name is on nothing. There is no ownership for him, none, nada. I dont care how long you live in someone elses home, it will NEVER be his home, until you add him to the deed. If you arent willing to do that, why would he feel like its his home?
I don't agree at all; this has not been my experience.
I don't agree at all; this has not been my experience.
He doesn't have legal rights to "his home", maybe as a month to month roommate tenant but that's about it. I would not live as a month to month tenant where I could be evicted at any time, I would at least need a year lease with an apartment. In someone else's owned home you are less than that.
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