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I can relate to this in many ways, especially when there's no marriage involved. First husband and I kept everything separate but owned the house jointly even though the $100K down payment came from his inheritance. I worked FT at a good job so my income was certainly an important part of being able to keep up the mortgage payments. I got 40% of the equity when we divorced. Second husband brought far less financially into the marriage than I did and again we kept everything separate but owned the house jointly. It was a match made in heaven and ended only when he died.
I do feel like the OP and her Significant Other would be happier separated, but there's no way in heck I'd add the name of an unmarried partner to the deed on a house that I acquired prior to the relationship.
Now that I think of it, DS bought a house and married a couple of years later to a wonderful young woman who's a SAHM to their 2 little girls. I don't think he ever put her name on the deed but she made that house a home. She even used her Grandma's sewing machine to make curtains! She always referred to it as "our home". They just sold it and bought a bigger one (3rd baby on the way- woo-hoo!) and I assume that one has both their names on the title.
Thank you for this. I left my first marriage with less than 40% of the equity and only what fit in my truck. He kept half my clothes. He fought me for stuff I had prior to marriage.
Its not too long for him not to feel like its his home, because its not his home. Period. His name is on nothing. There is no ownership for him, none, nada. I dont care how long you live in someone elses home, it will NEVER be his home, until you add him to the deed. If you arent willing to do that, why would he feel like its his home?
I don't agree with this at all. After we became engaged, I moved in with my former husband into the home that he had built several years prior. My name was never on the paperwork for that house yet, after a short period of time, it felt like home because we were not only living there together, we acted as full partners in the maintenance, decoration, and financial aspects of the home. We also made decisions together and trusted one another.
The O.P.'s house is only a token symbol of all of the this things that are inherently wrong with their relationship.
Thank you for this. I left my first marriage with less than 40% of the equity and only what fit in my truck. He kept half my clothes. He fought me for stuff I had prior to marriage.
He was just being spiteful. You had every right to ownership of your clothes.
He doesn't have legal rights to "his home", maybe as a month to month roommate tenant but that's about it. I would not live as a month to month tenant where I could be evicted at any time, I would at least need a year lease with an apartment. In someone else's owned home you are less than that.
I trust my SO will not suddenly decide to evict me. He doesn't say things like "Well, I own this place, not you, so we will be doing such and such". He owns the place, but it is my home just as much as it is his home. It worked like that when he moved into my house, too.
I trust my SO will not suddenly decide to evict me. He doesn't say things like "Well, I own this place, not you, so we will be doing such and such". He owns the place, but it is my home just as much as it is his home. It worked like that when he moved into my house, too.
I have never said anything but “our home” to fiancé, yet he still does not feel like it is his.
I trust my SO will not suddenly decide to evict me. He doesn't say things like "Well, I own this place, not you, so we will be doing such and such". He owns the place, but it is my home just as much as it is his home. It worked like that when he moved into my house, too.
So how will that trust work out if he gets hit by a bus tomorrow and you're burying him the next day.
I have never said anything but “our home” to fiancé, yet he still does not feel like it is his.
So, either your actions send a different message or he is a gold digger. Which do you think it is? (Thats not meant to sound snarky; you are in the best position to judge).
So, either your actions send a different message or he is a gold digger. Which do you think it is? (Thats not meant to sound snarky; you are in the best position to judge).
Do you intend to marry him?
I don’t know. At this point I don’t see us lasting, forget about marriage.
I am trying to piece patterns together. Every ex has an unconventional upbringing...missing parent, drug or alcohol addicted parent, divorced parent, etc
It seems like most of my exes pursued me, normally after they have come to my rescue. For instance, my 10th/11th grade boyfriend was stalking me a year after we broke up. My ex husband worked with me and realized that I had a shadow, he beat the crap out of him and became my boyfriend by end of 12th.
Looking back most of them entered my life protecting me from the previous one. The ex (R) before this one was a friend of mine since high school that had always liked me. He came to hang out after the couch surfer and I broke up just to make sure he didn’t try anything that night. That just happened to be the night my sons father went off. He had cops remove my son saying he was abused at my home (he did it and made a false claim to CPS) CPS figures he was crazy very quickly and gave me back son. He then tried killing me while our son watched. R started just staying at my house with guns, and a relationship developed. I ended it when he said that he would never move out of his fathers house or get married. Ironically he did both recently.
Sons father cane into my life, after his roommate beat the crap out of me and I threw him out of my life. Sons father called to apologize and see how I was. He was irate that a man would do something like that, but in the end he was no different. Although unless she is lying, his current wife and I have very different stories
This one came into my life to continue protecting me from my sons father. He does still do this. He has him very well managed these days. I am sure that will become an issue again when he leaves.
So is it possible that I only attract emotionally damaged, knights in shining armor? Or I just have not found the one that is into me?
Well I have ocd and a perfectionist so my rigid way of doing things has benefited me substantially. Very rarely have I found someone that has a better way of doing things. Granted I am all for listening but he brings nothing of substance to the discussion
If this is what you think, you’ll never find someone to live with you successfully. Accept this and move forward.
Yes,you like rescuers, but it sounds like you try to take back the control you think was taken from you by the losers by being super controlling of everyone else.
You need to stop trying to date and get extensive therapy.
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