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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by ndcairngorm
Marriage means different things to different people. Some couples feel very sexually attracted to each other and want to have sex every night, especially when they are first together as a couple. This often lasts for a few years and then tapers off. Some couples have a more balanced feeling about their life together and enjoy sporty or artistic or cultural things together as their main "togetherness" thing. As a rule, I would say that sex every night is fairly unusual for a couple.
Why is it "not normal" to you for a couple to have lots of sex...and just because a couple has a very active sex life does not mean they don't have a "balance" in other things to do together too. It's not sex OR other activities..it can be both.
yeah that’s what I’m saying, there’s no way someone wants to do that every single day after marriage and kids I honestly don’t think it’s possible
i watch t.v. everyday.
i walk the dog everyday.
browse internet everyday.
...
just imagine there is a hobby you enjoy doing; and then, arbitrarily, your partner says your allowed only once per year once youre married. and then youre cutoff once you hit 40.
i watch t.v. everyday.
i walk the dog everyday.
browse internet everyday.
...
just imagine there is a hobby you enjoy doing; and then, arbitrarily, your partner says your allowed only once per year once youre married. and then youre cutoff once you hit 40.
Gosh, how I would love to restrict DH's "hobby" of watching tv in that way. No chance!
Hi, thank you so much for the kind words.
The thing is, I don't think I'm asexual because... I just don't think so. I also am not on any sort of medication or birth control, but for some reason the idea of sex makes me uncomfortable sometimes and really confuses me. I just, especially when it comes to older people, it makes me feel really weird. I don't know why but I really don't want to be older with kids and still sexually active frequently. I feel like people place too much emphasis on sex and center their entire marriage around it and it kind of devalues all the other facets of intimacy and romance and turns sex into something routine.
As far as my sexuality goes, honestly I really don't think I'm a lesbian lol because I find myself feeling attracted to guys and only guys. But who knows
Adult of all ages have sex, even some "older" people. Some of them quite often. Get over it. Sex is normal and healthy and beneficial to marriage. Your viewpoint of not wanting sex when you have kids will doom that marriage fyi.
Adult of all ages have sex, even some "older" people. Some of them quite often. Get over it. Sex is normal and healthy and beneficial to marriage. Your viewpoint of not wanting sex when you have kids will doom that marriage fyi.
I mentioned that several pages back. She would not be able to keep a husband if that is the way she thinks.
I mentioned that several pages back. She would not be able to keep a husband if that is the way she thinks.
That's as may be, but I suspect, unless she is actually asexual or a lesbian or something like that (and she's said that she isn't) then it won't actually be like this for her.
But the thing is...and I'd like for the OP to hear this as well as others...
When you hear the stories, and let's face it, it's been a stand up comedy staple for the married guy to be talking about how the wife doesn't want to have sex anymore, and we've all known people in this situation...it's not because of mindsets like Ellie here has. It's often because people stop paying attention to each other, I think, making one another a priority, caring about making each other feel special. That blaze of chemistry and excitement, displays of joy and romance you get in the beginning, give way to a reality where you wake up next to the same person every day, and the bills need paid, the dog walked, diapers changed perhaps, and so on. I know that as a woman, if I feel that my partner takes me for granted and isn't really even that happy to see me anymore, my desire for sex starts to fizzle.
So the point I'm trying to make is that in a long term relationship, in a marriage, if sex becomes something you only do on special occasions (barring medical concerns or changes in needs that are mutual and discussed) then it is a bad sign for the health of the relationship. Not only because sex helps to make the couple feel bonded and close, but because the question needs asked, "Why don't you want to anymore?" If you feel really good about your partner and are full of love in your relationship, and you aren't treating each other like...background noise or houseplants or something...then most people will continue to want to give and receive physical affection, including all the snuggles and back scratches and smooches and sexytime.
And it's not that the relationship revolves around sex, or that the man only values the wife for sex. It is just one of many aspects of shared joy. I see a lack of desire for sex, as a diminishing of joy for the relationship itself. Trying to address one without looking at the other, is not usually productive.
I'm just wondering if the idea of parents being sexual is "gross" to the OP because she is 18, and the people she sees as parents, she doesn't want to think about as sexual people...understandably...and the idea of people over 40 wanting to have sex is "gross" because she is 18 and so...understandable. I know that when I was younger, I assumed that grandparents and really "old" people certainly were not having sex, because ew...now I know better! That part is where I'm like, you just need to not worry about it, because you can't see what the eyes of a 40 year old Mom sees, you aren't standing on that hill. Don't be so quick to judge or assume things, when you can't know how it feels to be that person, just live your life and for heaven's sakes set some boundaries with Mom.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
And it's not that the relationship revolves around sex, or that the man only values the wife for sex. It is just one of many aspects of shared joy. I see a lack of desire for sex, as a diminishing of joy for the relationship itself. Trying to address one without looking at the other, is not usually productive.
Ita...unless something is wrong with a person's health. When you love someone, you want to show it......& it only strengthens the bond you share, more!
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