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Ita about independence...& ability to leave any kind of a bad relationship....with or without money....like I said in my O.P. A N D ...it isn't about being "kept" Lol...if both have jobs & both bring in income........it's that one makes way more than the other.........................
Plenty of people who don't have jobs, can and do walk out of bad marriages. Even without a financial cushion. A woman who stays home to take care of young children is not being "kept". She is making a financial contribution by providing childcare. Finances is not just about someone's job title or salary. A lot of high-earning professional people have massive debt. That's a liability right there. I dated a man who didn't like my secretarial job and thought I should earn more money, and that's why we broke up; he went on to marry a woman who owed 200,000 in student loans that he didn't know about until after he married her. He should have stuck with me, I had no debt. I hope he has fun helping her pay off her massive student loans.
I can certainly understand that attitude for people who are newly in a relationship, and don't want to be taken advantage of.
But when I read threads like this, I do wonder - how does that actually work, long term?
If one makes a great deal more than the other, he/she would have to take any luxury vacation alone because the one can't afford to pay. The one who has money would end up at Cheddars of McDonalds when he would much rather be eating in an elegant place, but he'd have to do that alone.
Generosity in a partner (whether it's with their money, their time, their spirit, their willingness to give long back rubs) is what keeps happy couples happy.
I don't disagree with this, which is why I wouldn't hold a woman strictly to 50/50. I think 60/40 would have been fair with my last one, but we never got that far in the discussion. I have no problem paying for the bulk of a vacation either.
If there is a huge discrepancy in money, then a pre-nup could be considered.
Some people are okay with that and some don't consider that love.
Some might argue that a loving partner will be okay with a set up and spelling things out to be honest and upfront about standards that won't unreasonable take attempt to possibly take advantage of someone.
It unfortunately is a factor for most whether we want to admit it or not.
You asked for an opinion and I gave it. To me whether you're not working or working a job that makes significantly less, I view that as being "kept."
*shrugs*
We can agree to disagree.
You sure love the word "independence."
If someone's been in an abusive relationship, it just might be an important factor in the next relationship. (shrugs shoulders. I get it.)
My first husband wasn't abusive, and my second isn't abusive, so...independence isn't a looming issue to me. But I can see how it would be to someone else.
In our (husband and I) relationship, my husband makes about 3x as much as me. He pays all the bills. I buy the groceries, and my husband is on MY insurance, and I do the housework. Seems equitable to me.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Like I said, I would consider changing your perspective of seeing people who dislike their job as losers.
If you don't want to, then you don't want to.
Obviously everybody wants a job they like. It's not possible for everybody to get...
I also know lots of nurses who like their job and lots who hate their jobs. Go read the Work & E subforum...
I am not trying to say that no one hates their job. My friends...me... & men I have dated are not in that category tho..............it spills over into everything if someone hates their job....& they aren't happy...
If someone's been in an abusive relationship, it just might be an important factor in the next relationship. (shrugs shoulders. I get it.)
My first husband wasn't abusive, and my second isn't abusive, so...independence isn't a looming issue to me. But I can see how it would be to someone else.
In our (husband and I) relationship, my husband makes about 3x as much as me. He pays all the bills. I buy the groceries, and my husband is on MY insurance, and I do the housework. Seems equitable to me.
He's a generous guy.
I paid 3/4 of the bills in my marriage, but only made 20-25% more, depending on the year. I was taken advantage of and she left me with a house that was underwater financially. I won't let that happen again!
I can certainly understand that attitude for people who are newly in a relationship, and don't want to be taken advantage of.
But when I read threads like this, I do wonder - how does that actually work, long term?
If one makes a great deal more than the other, he/she would have to take any luxury vacation alone because the one can't afford to pay. The one who has money would end up at Cheddars of McDonalds when he would much rather be eating in an elegant place, but he'd have to do that alone.
Generosity in a partner (whether it's with their money, their time, their spirit, their willingness to give long back rubs) is what keeps happy couples happy.
i also think it's about wanting to make your partner happy. My husband is always telling me to spend more money on myself. He wants to see me enjoy our money.
However if someone was taken advantage of I can understand the reluctance to a joint pot. It does take trust and if your trust is shaken, you want to protect yourself.
I am not trying to say that no one hates their job. My friends...me... & men I have dated are not in that category tho..............it spills over into everything if someone hates their job....& they aren't happy...
I'm amazed you know so many people who love their job. But I do see your point in that it can spill over, but it doesn't have to. You shouldn't eliminate someone for not liking their job. This is typical in America based on how companies treat their employees.
I am not trying to say that no one hates their job. My friends...me... & men I have dated are not in that category tho..............it spills over into everything if someone hates their job....& they aren't happy...
It's a little condescending to say that everybody who dislikes their job lives a miserable existence, what about the woman who works two lower wage jobs to feed her kids.
But like I said, if you don't care, you don't care...
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