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If someone told me they wanted to be friends, if I were looking to date, why would I not take them at their word and move along? I'm not inclined to sit around and guess if they meant something other than they said. What kinda person does that? For me, one I wouldn't want to be around, let alone date.
I am not interested in adults who are incapable of expressing themselves, or, playing games.
So, how often have you approached a woman and said, "Gee, I saw you in the food mart, and I just gotta tell ya...I'd really like to have sex with you...", even though that's what you may be thinking?
After all, is that what a LOT of men think, but don't say?
And, after all...what I've heard from some men, is that they see dating as somewhat of a 'nuisance'. They want to get right to the 'good stuff', and 'dating' just gets in the way...
So, how often have you approached a woman and said, "Gee, I saw you in the food mart, and I just gotta tell ya...I'd really like to have sex with you...", even though that's what you may be thinking?
After all, is that what a LOT of men think, but don't say?
And, after all...what I've heard from some men, is that they see dating as somewhat of a 'nuisance'. They want to get right to the 'good stuff', and 'dating' just gets in the way...
Now were talking apples to oranges.
You were say other than you actually feel. So the equivalent here would be the guy who wants to smash to tell her he only wants to be friends. As opposed to just asking her out, or conveying that he finds her attractive.
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For instance, if a man I've never met before approaches me for a date, my automatic answer is 'no'. He may be very attractive, but since I don't know anything about him, my answer is 'no'.
That goes for men who approach me, who I've never met, and for men I've met a time or two, briefly. I have to know enough about a man to determine if I can trust him to some degree.
Seems to me these days where too many people want to go straight to 'romance' without knowing much about the other person. They meet...go on a date...sleep together in short order because of 'chemistry', and a few weeks to a few months later, they're breaking up, because THAT'S when they learn things about the other that they don't like!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
If I say something, it is meant to be taken literally.
(aside for joking with friends and such)
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Originally Posted by Mink57
I feel the same way. Doesn't mean that everyone ELSE does...
Is that true? Or are you engaging in self deception here? It seems to me if an attractive man approaches you and your answer is "no", that answer isn't quite literally true.
A more literally true answer might be something along the lines of I am not sure I am actually ready to date just yet, I have been hurt a few times in the past, so I would want to get to know you slowly without a lot of pressure to date during this time. This could take me 6 -12 months or more. If you aren't ready to go along with that, I get that, but that is where I am at right now.
Is that true? Or are you engaging in self deception here? It seems to me if an attractive man approaches you and your answer is "no", that answer isn't quite literally true.
A more literally true answer might be something along the lines of I am not sure I am actually ready to date just yet, I have been hurt a few times in the past, so I would want to get to know you slowly without a lot of pressure to date during this time. This could take me 6 -12 months or more. If you aren't ready to go along with that, I get that, but that is where I am at right now.
This seems much more reasonable to my sensibilities.
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My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
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And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
So, how often have you approached a woman and said, "Gee, I saw you in the food mart, and I just gotta tell ya...I'd really like to have sex with you...", even though that's what you may be thinking?
After all, is that what a LOT of men think, but don't say?
And, after all...what I've heard from some men, is that they see dating as somewhat of a 'nuisance'. They want to get right to the 'good stuff', and 'dating' just gets in the way...
Actually for a man that's the whole point of dating. To have sex with the woman they like.
Actually for a man that's the whole point of dating. To have sex with the woman they like.
There are definitely guys looking for that, but there are also guys (myself included) that actually would like to meet and settle down with the right woman too.
Is that true? Or are you engaging in self deception here? It seems to me if an attractive man approaches you and your answer is "no", that answer isn't quite literally true.
It is true. If an attractive man approaches me, my answer is 'no'. It's been 'no' before. Quite often, it had nothing to do with my being "hurt" before, and/or wanting to get to know him first.
I don't care how physically attractive a man is. Many times over, attractive men know they're attractive. They have a certain air of arrogance about them, which to me, is a complete turn-off.
But even if they're attractive and they don't have that air about them, the answer would still be 'no'. Not because I've been 'hurt before', but because I simply don't know them well enough to figure out IF I'd want to eventually become romantic/sexual with them.
Quote:
A more literally true answer might be something along the lines of I am not sure I am actually ready to date just yet, I have been hurt a few times in the past, so I would want to get to know you slowly without a lot of pressure to date during this time. This could take me 6 -12 months or more. If you aren't ready to go along with that, I get that, but that is where I am at right now.
But even if they're attractive and they don't have that air about them, the answer would still be 'no'. Not because I've been 'hurt before', but because I simply don't know them well enough to figure out IF I'd want to eventually become romantic/sexual with them.
If that is true, why not actually tell these guys that? Why all the hiding the ball here?
You aren't saying what you mean nor meaning what you say. To me this feels like either game playing or just shading the truth, but I don't see you being literally true here.
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