Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If that is true, why not actually tell these guys that? Why all the hiding the ball here?
You aren't saying what you mean nor meaning what you say. To me this feels like either game playing or just shading the truth, but I don't see you being literally true here.
Again, not true. I HAVE told these guys that.
Years ago, I was standing in line with others, waiting for the library to open. I was talking to a woman in front of me about looking for a place to live. A man behind me jumped into the conversation. After talking for about 5 minutes, he asked me for my phone number. I told him that I didn't know him well enough to give out my number.
Another man I met a few years ago asked me to do some technical work for him. We got to talking over the course of about 2 weeks. Not every day. Maybe 5-6 times during that time period (for about an hour each time). Learned about his medical issues...his late girlfriend of 11 years...his travels, etc. He asked me out. (he actually looked a little like David Duchovny). I turned him down by asking, "Would sex be involved?" He was stunned. Couldn't believe I was THAT bold to ask him that. We had a good laugh and a good conversation about dating, love, relationships, etc. Two weeks later, I was signing a contract to be his business partner...
So, yes, shelato. I AM honest, and not playing games...I have no intention of wasting THEIR time or MINE!
I don't get this whole, "MEN think a certain way..." as if ALL men think the same way. They don't. *I* know they don't.
Same with women. Not ALL women think a certain way.
Exactly!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfriqueNY
This......... She is saying "i will allow you to be seen with me for my looks as long as you pay for everything".
I know some men go for this. Not me.
And this? Really? Maybe relationships would go a lot better if people would simply stop assuming that their own thoughts are what others are really thinking. There might be some women out there that think such convoluted self serving diva BS, but to assume that all, or even most would think that way is a bunch of claptrap.
No wonder dating is so difficult for some people, even when a woman clearly, clearly tells you up front there is no romantic interest ("Not looking to date, but we can go out "as friends") it gets twisted into just another version of 'teh evil conniving wiminz'
Years ago, I was standing in line with others, waiting for the library to open. I was talking to a woman in front of me about looking for a place to live. A man behind me jumped into the conversation. After talking for about 5 minutes, he asked me for my phone number. I told him that I didn't know him well enough to give out my number.
Another man I met a few years ago asked me to do some technical work for him. We got to talking over the course of about 2 weeks. Not every day. Maybe 5-6 times during that time period (for about an hour each time). Learned about his medical issues...his late girlfriend of 11 years...his travels, etc. He asked me out. (he actually looked a little like David Duchovny). I turned him down by asking, "Would sex be involved?" He was stunned. Couldn't believe I was THAT bold to ask him that. We had a good laugh and a good conversation about dating, love, relationships, etc. Two weeks later, I was signing a contract to be his business partner...
So, yes, shelato. I AM honest, and not playing games...I have no intention of wasting THEIR time or MINE!
Wow, this thread blew up...if woman asked me in response "would sex be involved"? I'd be like "Too soon to tell, we'll cross that bridge should we get to it....so are you on for dinner? ;-)"...I think that would be an appropriate enough answer.
Though, how do you turn someone down by asking that question? Why not turn someone down by saying, "sorry, not interested' and leave it at that?
EDITED:
Though, there is a point to be made about getting to know someone over time to see if you'd want to go out with them. I've had situations like this where I thought there was great banter and chemistry between us...that we actually go to know each other. Even got her digits, etc etc. When I finally asked her out...it was if she wasn't expecting it. She'd be like "Oh...um..." it becomes awkward.
I remember asking a woman I met at a meetup out, she agreed to the date...then like 5 mins later, she calls me back and asked me, "Did you mean for this to be a date?" and I was thinking "Um, she's joking right...she should know better" I said, "Well...yeah" (DUH, I was thinking)
SHe goes, Um..sorry, just not interested in you that way.
I knew of a guy that carpooled to a camping group outing. He had a camper he was hauling behind him. He was into her. She was someone we all knew as a group for a while, but he was trying to ramp things up with her. She tended to be a "man's woman" which she isn't girly, not afraid to get dirty, gets along with men in general. No drama. I think a lot of men in the group were attracted to her FOR that reason.
Anyways, she's had to contend with men that were "going out with her as friends" with her trying to cross boundaries when out at social gatherings, like calling her "honey" in front of their friends, making it look to others that they were a couple...or touching her on the small of her back while together. (They come together to these events) making her uncomfortable.
Going back to the trailer guy, they actually shared sleeping quarters with teach other in the camper. Though they didn't sleep "together" they slept in different parts of the camper. When they broke camp and were driving home, he asked her to be his girlfriend...and let's just say...it didn't go over well...esp. with all that time invested.
I criticized her for even making those kinds of sleeping arrangements with him. It's like she was naive to men liking her or something.
I know of some women have expressed experiencing the above, all of which turned sour grapes to complete stop agreeing to such arrangements anymore.
Last edited by ThisTown123; 10-01-2021 at 06:25 AM..
Oh man, nope. If you have to date to get laid, you must really be pretty bad off as a dude.
Sex is easy to find. Finding love and a healthy relationship ship? That's tough
I suppose 'sex is easy to find' if someone's wallet is 'thick enough' or if someone is willing to cheapen him/herself and find others of that persuasion, so to speak, I dunno.
Personally, I think those who are like that are the people who are "pretty bad off."
Then again, I am someone who values sex, aka 'making love' much more than the mere mechanics of 'sticking it in' and 'getting off'.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Euskalherria
I suppose 'sex is easy to find' if someone's wallet is 'thick enough' or if someone is willing to cheapen him/herself and find others of that persuasion, so to speak, I dunno.
Personally, I think those who are like that are the people who are "pretty bad off."
Then again, I am someone who values sex, aka 'making love' much more than the mere mechanics of 'sticking it in' and 'getting off'.
And funny, there are loads and loads of people that value the same and have it, in long term connections, without dating. Often decades.
You're suggestion that people must be using each other for money, or whatever, if they aren't dating, or that there is some sort of immorality with mutually consenting adults having sex on their own terms, is ridiculous.
But hey, if you're more in favor of people putting up the pretense of dating in order to just have sex, that's your business. There is nothing honorable about false pretenses in my world.
Wow, this thread blew up...if woman asked me in response "would sex be involved"? I'd be like "Too soon to tell, we'll cross that bridge should we get to it....so are you on for dinner? ;-)"...I think that would be an appropriate enough answer.
Though, how do you turn someone down by asking that question? Why not turn someone down by saying, "sorry, not interested' and leave it at that?
Have said that before, too.
Really, my answer will depend on a few factors. WHO'S asking, HOW it's asked, WHERE it's asked, WHEN it's asked and yes, even WHY it's asked.
WHO'S asking--is it someone I already know, or someone I've known for 5 minutes? Is it someone who's much younger than me, or someone closer to my age?
HOW it's asked--Is it said something like, "So, are we ever gonna go out, or WHAT?" (even though he never asked before), or is he so shy, he's tripping over his words? (I'll be much kinder to the latter)
WHERE it's asked--Is he asking in a more social setting, or simply walking up to me in a WalMart?
WHEN it's asked--Is it moments after we've met or has some time passed for us to get to know each other at least somewhat?
WHY it's asked--Why would I want to date a married/engaged/living with someone/has a girlfriend/is a known player? Is he asking because he genuinely likes me, or because his girlfriend left him 18 hours ago, and he has an extra ticket to some event (and doesn't want to go alone)?
I've stood in front of someone before, folded my arms across my chest and said deadpan, "You're kidding, right?"
Another time, someone asked me out while I was a cocktail waitress. He wanted to 'impress' his 5 friends. He said, "Hi. My name's Michael, but you can call me Mike. Can I get your number?" I said, "Hi Mike. My name's "Mink", but you can call me MRS. "SMITH". When you call, be sure to tell my husband I said, 'hi'"
He did a face/palm while his friends laughed. He pulled me aside before he left and told me that he wasn't too happy with me. I told him that the next time he asks someone out, be sure to check her left hand first. His friend overheard, gave me a $50 tip!
All kinds of creative ways to turn someone down. But like I said...
And funny, there are loads and loads of people that value the same and have it, in long term connections, without dating. Often decades.
You're suggestion that people must be using each other for money, or whatever, if they aren't dating, or that there is some sort of immorality with mutually consenting adults having sex on their own terms, is ridiculous.
But hey, if you're more in favor of people putting up the pretense of dating in order to just have sex, that's your business. There is nothing honorable about false pretenses in my world.
(Ah, brand new poster , welcome... lol).
Who said anything about 'false pretenses'??? Speaking for myself, I don't date for sex - I date to make a connection... sex, for me, occurs in the context of a committed relationship, which may or may not happen as a result of dating. And it has nothing to do with 'morality' - I am probably the least 'religious' person you would ever know... lol. And, yes, some people 'pay to play'. Where I'm from, the word is 'prostitution'.
By making assumptions about me, you may be actually revealing more about yourself... because, to be frank, I think my post hit a little close to home for you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We had a good laugh and a good conversation about dating, love, relationships, etc. Two weeks later, I was signing a contract to be his business partner...
, welcome... lol).
