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I'm not looking for "friends" off of a dating site. I'm looking for a relationship, quick sex, or maybe both.
I have other avenues in life to meet "friends."
That's you but some people are open to being friends if there isn't mutual attraction. Sometimes you just hit it off but there isn't romantic chemistry.
If you started with romantic intentions, it is hard to flip the switch. Maybe after having space for a period of time a friendship can develop.
There are some people who always want to start as friends and build from there - and they may not be a good fit for you.
Creating a new friendship needs to be a mutual decision.
Hmm... I'm wondering if at least some of the people who hear/say "let's be friends" understands that those words are not always meant to be taken literally...?
The "friends" card is often thrown around at the beginning and/or the end. After all, how often have some people met someone, became intimate with them, only to learn things about them that they don't like...for them to break things off with those words, "Can't we JUST be friends?" Like you mentioned Jade, it's hard to 'flip the switch', even after you've been intimate with someone. For some, it's like taking a step down...or backwards.
That's you but some people are open to being friends if there isn't mutual attraction. Sometimes you just hit it off but there isn't romantic chemistry.
In all honesty, I think the 'friends' card is thrown around without even thinking. Quite often, it's not meant to be taken literally.
Some people say, "Let's be friends" and mean, "I have no interest in dating/sleeping with you, but I don't want you to go away angry". Could also mean, "I have interest in dating/sleeping with you NOW, but let's get to know each other better in non-romantic situations".
Could also mean, that the relationship has run its course, but instead of parting angry at each other, let's be friendly toward each other.
In either case, it doesn't necessarily mean that the person who says those words wants to have this big deep friendship.
Status:
"It's WARY, or LEERY (weary means tired)"
(set 19 days ago)
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,147 posts, read 21,288,283 times
Reputation: 43929
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Don’t WTH me. If I’ve been clear I have romantic interest in a woman and she counters me asking her out on a date with “we can go out as friends†I’m not going to bite that bait. It is a waste of time, a waste of money, and a waste of my sanity to go out on a friend outing with someone I want more with and have expressed that with her knowing the ceiling is going to be friends. That is not something you can BS me with.
I don’t object to hanging out with female plutonic friends but in those dynamics it is clear that we have no romantic interest on each other. Everyone goes in with eyes wide open and doesn’t make it more than what it is.
You can't tell the difference between someone trying to con you and someone who is CLEARLY letting you know they aren't into you in a romantic way? That's the WTH, as in what on earth makes you think she'd be angling for anything with the response she gave. Do many of your friends expect you to pick up the tab when you hang out together? It's not bait, how is that not obvious to you? Looking for stuff that just isn't there?
You can't tell the difference between someone trying to con you and someone who is CLEARLY letting you know they aren't into you in a romantic way? That's the WTH, as in what on earth makes you think she'd be angling for anything with the response she gave. Do many of your friends expect you to pick up the tab when you hang out together? It's not bait, how is that not obvious to you? Looking for stuff that just isn't there?
Yeah, I don't get this whole approach, either. If a woman says she just wants to be friends, how does that somehow equate to "We'll be friends but *YOU* pay"?
You can't tell the difference between someone trying to con you and someone who is CLEARLY letting you know they aren't into you in a romantic way? That's the WTH, as in what on earth makes you think she'd be angling for anything with the response she gave. Do many of your friends expect you to pick up the tab when you hang out together? It's not bait, how is that not obvious to you? Looking for stuff that just isn't there?
Some people can't handle the ego hit if they are attracted to someone and it isn't mutual, so they have to find some way to make the other person look bad.
OP, you’ve started a couple threads like this so I have a question (suggestion) for you.
Do you have any platonic female friends, sisters, female cousins, or even aunts who you can talk to about what might be tripping you up? I mean someone who actually knows you and can give you very specific and genuine advice? No here knows how you look, walk, talk, dress or anything, but those who really know you do.
BINGO. Ive asked this numerous times to OP and he never answers…
OP thinks if he can get “facetime†he can change women’s minds.
-Never plan on spending money on her, at least nothing that's triple digit prices. She can be seeing another guy and you could be dropping money on an expensive dinner, only for her later to brag she had it and didn't spend a penny and had a poor schlub do it instead.
If she initially mentioned being "friends", why in the world would you drop some money on an expensive dinner?
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-Any time before a date she brings up something outrageous and delusional, cross her off your list and move on. Last woman I dated claimed she had predicted the pandemic through a spiritual experience. I chalked it up to the alcohol we had, but she had said other things that were equally as ridiculous. What kept me around was my stupidity (mainly a woman likes me) and she was good looking. That was it. Don't do what I did.
Good! Lesson for you learned...
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-If she keeps bringing up an old bf/ex-fiance and both puts down and compliments him, she is not over that person. Take it as you are an Option B and get out of the relationship. You need to be number 1.
Yes and no. If you're dating, you're probably not going to be "number 1". And, you shouldn't be. After all, it's only dating...
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-If she is seeing and talking to other guys, don't bother fighting over her. All that is to her is attention, making herself out to be more desired than what she actually is. You're not there to get into a competition with other guys. Stop competing and if you're looking for a woman that meets your preferences, find someone who isn't hanging around and talking with a group of guys. Even if it's one guy, if it's not a blood relative of hers, don't waste your time. It sounds harsh, but trust me, it's better this way.
Personally, I'm a one-at-a-time kind of gal. The men I've dated? Not so much. Yet, they seemed to expect that the women (yes, PLURAL) they dated were ONLY into him...
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-Never spend time with a woman that gives you the "I don't know" answers when asking her out. As they say, if it's anything but 'yes', it's 'no.' She may think about it, but more than likely, she's thinking about another guy as well. If she says 'yes', though, make sure to set a definite date and she is absolutely sure. If she sounds unsure, she will flake on you. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me.
You make a lot of assumptions. A woman can hem and haw, NOT because of thinking about another guy, but about her schedule. Younger people have school, homework, projects, etc. Older women may have children and their schedules to consider.
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-Do not give her much validation. If you want to take her out, ask her once, then don't message her again until she responds. If she truly is interested in you, she will take the time to reach out to you in a short amount of time. Something easy to remember that my dad had told me about this: present then take the cookie away. If she wants it, she'll come get it.
This has GOT to be one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. I mean, seriously. Some of you guys actually plan this crap?
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-Finally, and this one is somewhat related to the last point, don't waste your time pursuing a woman. Focus on your family, friends, and hobbies. Not saying don't ask a woman out ever, but don't make yourself out to look desperate. As much as they like the attention, women don't like men that appear weak in this manner. Even if you're a good guy and have the best of intentions, and if these women know this, they find that undesirable. A lot of times they prefer the bad boys because of the amount of confidence and lack of desperation they display.
Wow...sounds like you seem to think that you have ALL women 'pegged'.
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As odd as it sounds, best thing you can do is if there's a woman you like and unsure if she likes you or not, go with a group of people with her a part of it, that way it's not a date. She can pay for her own stuff and you for yours. You're just sitting down and talking as "friends." Another way is to take up ballroom dancing. Women LOOOOOVVVVEEEE that stuff, and they love it more when a man knows how to do it well. You can get a good idea how they feel towards you. Yes, it sounds weird, but I guarantee you stronger feelings come out. Either way, make it social and casual. You'll find out one way or the other.
Geez. You really DO tend to stereotype. In your mind, women are ALL the same.
If you ask a woman out and she replies as only if it's as just friends, why not just say No, thank you? Unless you think she has friends she could introduce you to. That would be networking. But if you are seriously crushing on her don't put yourself through the misery.
If you ask a woman out and she replies as only if it's as just friends, why not just say No, thank you? Unless you think she has friends she could introduce you to. That would be networking. But if you are seriously crushing on her don't put yourself through the misery.
But here's my thinking, E...
Why would anyone be "seriously crushing" on someone they don't even know? And, this is what happens in a LOT of cases! Boy sees girl...he's suddenly "seriously crushing" on her...?
I've "crushed" on movie stars, when I was in my teens...
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I'm wondering if at least some of the people who hear/say "let's be friends" understands that those words are not always meant to be taken literally...? 
