Should I give this girl another shot or walk away for good (kiss, advice)

[Mink57]

Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork

What a gorgeous display of projection.

Mr. Plays It Cool is surprised she's cooling off? The man who lies about his availability feels a need to check social media in case she's lying about Covid? The guy who plays games wonders if she's playing games with him?

This is a shocking story, these kinds of things never happen!
/sarcasm

Seriously!

If he REALLY wants to know where she stands, maybe he should show her this thread...

[livelifeata]

Long story short, went out on 3 consecutive dates with a girl about a month and a half ago. Everything was going great, with her showing lots of high interest and attraction, as well as her contacting me after dates and telling me she's having so much fun.

End of date 3 as we're walking back to my car after dinner, the next weekend comes into conversation. She asks me what im doing and i tell her ill be out of town (which was true). She contacts me after like usual, we talk a bit, then i tell her that ill be out of town but lets plan something next week.

I dont hear from her for a few days while im away. So i contact her the following week on Tuesday to set a date. She tells me she'll be out of town (which was true and confirmed) and is only free Wednesday. We go out that Wed on date 4 and have a good time.

Fast forward to the last and most recent date, date 5. She texts me when she arrives back, we go out last Sunday (the 18th). Some things don't go as planned such as the place i pick for dinner had an event and didnt let us in. So we go and eat at a cheaper place on a bench and talk. She asks me "where is this going, it's been 5 dates" and that she's not talking to anybody. I tell her im open to a relationship and i like spending time with her.

We go through with rest of date as usual, wasnt an amazing time like in the past, but we talk a lot, nothing to unusual. I drop her off and she texts me saying get home safe with a kiss.

No contact since that sunday. So i text her this past Wed asking her if she wants to meet. She tells me she has plans, lets plan something next week.

No contact since that exchange last Wed. At this point, i dont want to reach out as i already asked her last week, and im giving it time and space, but i know something is off. When we go out and have a great time, many days don't go by with her not reaching out like this.

Any opinions?

[timberline742]

Really? She tried to ramp things up because things were moving really slow, and you drop her off and it sounds like the only kiss was in a text. Let this tepid "romance" die peacefully. It's super over.

[ILTXwhatnext]

Just a guess but I've heard that some people expect to sleep together on the third date. Years ago, a friend of mine was single and really hitting the dating scene. He told me stories of "Strike two, you're out," meaning that that seemed to be the understanding in Houston, where he lived. Understand, too, that these were professional, educated people. They worked hard and couldn't waste a lot of time on dead ends.

Maybe she's wondered why you haven't pursued that. I'm not encouraging you to push that. I believe intimacy happens best when both want it, not because of some preordained schedule.

Your post seems to rule this out---maybe it isn't sex per se but rather, a committed relationship. Some people can go on date after date and enjoy having fun but they aren't looking for anything serious. It sounds like she would welcome a relationship if she's not talking to anybody. But if you tell her you're open to it and that isn't the issue, we're back to sex.

[livelifeata]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Really? She tried to ramp things up because things were moving really slow, and you drop her off and it sounds like the only kiss was in a text. Let this tepid "romance" die peacefully. It's super over.

We've been on 5 dates. I told her im open to a relationship so i didnt say i was opposed to it, but didnt want to ask her to be my girlfriend just yet as i wasnt expecting her to bring it up this early. I do feel like i could have been more clear that i was willing to give her a commitment, and i was planning to the next time she brought it up. but to drop the whole relationship over that? We kiss a lot when we're in person.

[livelifeata]

Originally Posted by ILTXwhatnext

Just a guess but I've heard that some people expect to sleep together on the third date. Years ago, a friend of mine was single and really hitting the dating scene. He told me stories of "Strike two, you're out," meaning that that seemed to be the understanding in Houston, where he lived. Understand, too, that these were professional, educated people. They worked hard and couldn't waste a lot of time on dead ends.

Maybe she's wondered why you haven't pursued that. I'm not encouraging you to push that. I believe intimacy happens best when both want it, not because of some preordained schedule.

Your post seems to rule this out---maybe it isn't sex per se but rather, a committed relationship. Some people can go on date after date and enjoy having fun but they aren't looking for anything serious. It sounds like she would welcome a relationship if she's not talking to anybody. But if you tell her you're open to it and that isn't the issue, we're back to sex.

I tried escalating sex by escalating the kissing many times. Every time i tried to kiss her neck, she would turn away. I feel like this girl was waiting for me to give her a commitment so could start having sex and thats where i screwed it up.

[randomx]

How old is she ?
But yeah l agree with the others. You've seen ea other enough for things to be either taking off by now, or realizing there just isn't much there to go on with. She wanted to know which one it is bc l think it's looking pretty flat and non growing to her at this stage now and so she's prob losing interest.

[livelifeata]

Originally Posted by randomx

How old is she ?
But yeah l agree with the others. You've seen ea other enough for things to be either taking off by now, or realizing there just isn't much there to go on with. She wanted to know which one it is bc l think it's looking pretty flat and non growing to her at this stage now and so she's prob losing interest.

she is 28. i agree but the spacing in between the first 3 dates and the last 2 threw me off. clearly if im on 5 dates and no sex, im interested in her as a person. and i was willing to give her a commitment. Why give up on something good so early. It would have happened.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by randomx

How old is she ?
But yeah l agree with the others. You've seen ea other enough for things to be either taking off by now, or realizing there just isn't much there to go on with. She wanted to know which one it is bc l think it's looking pretty flat and non growing to her at this stage now and so she's prob losing interest.

I would have.

Of course, if someone said "escalating sex" I would have been out there as well. Cringe.

[ILTXwhatnext]

Originally Posted by livelifeata

I tried escalating sex by escalating the kissing many times. Every time i tried to kiss her neck, she would turn away. I feel like this girl was waiting for me to give her a commitment so could start having sex and thats where i screwed it up.

I'm taking you as a "reliable narrator," not leaving out things or whatever, just trying to give the facts fairly because you want help and that depends on knowing what's going on.

The early stages of a relationship can really set a tone. It could be that she's playing a game. It could be that she's just not sure or herself or your relationship because she got burned recently. My suggestion is to match her. If she texts you once a day, text her once a day. If she suggests getting together twice a week, then you suggest twice. Meet her halfway but not much more. You want to show interest but not suffocate her.

All the while you should be asking yourself if you are really compatible or not. It isn't like one person is right and the other is wrong. Rather, once that initial rush passes, is it sustainable? My theory is that Mother Nature wants babies and doesn't care about relationships. The initial stages are so sweet and irresistible but later on we wonder how we could have missed some signs etc.