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Your (not yet 20 year old) niece, if she’s an *adult* is free to date anyone she wants whether he’s 18 or 118. Unless she asks you for advice, there is no “problem” that you personally or physically could pose. I personally, wouldn’t date anyone under 30, but don’t act like you can control anyone outside of yourself. They can date whoever they want, including your niece.
Fact is the only person that could end or reject such a dating relationship would be her, definitely not you.
She isn’t an adult, that’s the point i.e. there’s a difference between 18 and 118, lol. To think that I (or her parents) wouldn’t get involved/discuss re: a detrimental relationship is nothing short of naïveté on your part. I say this as a man who often dated younger women, some considerably so (10-15 years); however, there was never a power imbalance (or a question of psychological health or development) i.e. they were always well into adulthood.
That said, obviously I couldn’t end such a relationship; but I’m confident I (and her parents) could have an influence on such, more by prevention than anything i.e. she has a high self-esteem/confidence and interacts well with her peers at her school, including a current boyfriend.
She isn’t an adult, that’s the point i.e. there’s a difference between 18 and 118, lol. To think that I (or her parents) wouldn’t get involved/discuss re: a detrimental relationship is nothing short of naïveté on your part. I say this as a man who often dated younger women, some considerably so (10-15 years); however, there was never a power imbalance (or a question of psychological health or development) i.e. they were always well into adulthood.
You should get it out of your head that your niece is representative of every single 20 year old in the United States. We don't know anything about your niece. She could be a 20 year-old college student who depends on mommy and daddy for everything. But then you have 20 year-olds who have full-time jobs and live on their own. You even have 20 year-olds who serve in the Armed Forces and risk their lives defending significantly older people.
From the sound of your posts, it really sounds like you would not object at all to raising the age of voting to around 25 or so.
You should get it out of your head that your niece is representative of every single 20 year old in the United States. We don't know anything about your niece. She could be a 20 year-old college student who depends on mommy and daddy for everything.
I never had anything of the sort in my head. As I’ve stated a few times, my niece isn’t 20 yet; she’s in high-school (and yes, she does depend on her parents, as most kids her age - lol). That said, I don’t care what 20 year-olds do; what I’ve stated is, as a man in my forties, I personally wouldn’t date a woman younger than late twenties/30 (prior to my committed relationship, that is) or one who never went to college/established a career, for that matter. Couldn’t care less if you or the OP disagree with me on your dating choices.
Also, if 20 year-olds are still "kids" today, then maybe that's because society infantilizes them and does not expect more of them.
20 Yr Old in 1945: "Hey, I just got back from the war. Let's get married and start a family!"
35 Yr Old in 2022: "Hey, I just finished my third master's program. I haven't gotten nearly as many passport stamps as I would have liked by this age. Haven't been to Coachella yet either. I just don't think I can commit when I haven't even fully lived yet, ya know?"
No need to say "But...It was much cheaper to raise a family in 1945 compared to today where you need to get multiple degrees, save, blah blah." That's not the point. The point is that if 20 year-olds could start building families only a couple of generations ago, then there's no reason to think a 20 year-old can't make responsible decisions, particularly as it relates to their dating lives.
I never had anything of the sort in my head. As I’ve stated a few times, my niece isn’t 20 yet; she’s in high-school (and yes, she does depend on her parents, as most kids her age - lol). That said, I don’t care what 20 year-olds do; what I’ve stated is, as a man in my forties, I personally wouldn’t date a woman younger than late twenties/30 (prior to my committed relationship, that is) or one who never went to college/established a career, for that matter. Couldn’t care less if you or the OP disagree with me on your dating choices.
What you've stated is that a 20 year-old is not an "adult." Are you going to disagree with yourself here again?
What you've stated is that a 20 year-old is not an "adult."
Actually, I stated I don’t see a 20 year-old as an adult.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy
I’m in my forties, and I can’t see a twenty-year-old as anything but a kid; thirty would be about the youngest woman I personally would date. However, per your question, I would neither care nor give it a second thought relative to anyone I didn’t know i.e. it’s bizarre the thought/effort (or anger) some place on age difference, attractiveness/chemistry, wealth, and/or whether or not a couple ‘should’ date, as evidenced by the numerous threads relative to such.
Yeah, that's fine, but no one was disputing your personal preference. People were disputing your assertion that a 20 year-old isn't an adult. In the eyes of the law, this is not in dispute, no matter what type of subjectivity you want to bring to bear here. If we're going to make this a completely subjective analysis, then it could be argued that a 31 year-old isn't an adult either, since it's all about feels and perception after all, right?
20 is technically an adult.
But is it really? 30 plus years ago I was low 20s. I know that I wasn't ready to move out on my own and be an "adult" at 20. I think I moved out at 21 maybe 22, I forget the exact age. I was working part time and going to school.
Nowadays its even more so, generally speaking.
Are some 20 yrs olds out on their own, making their way in life and are mature, yeah, I suppose, but let's keep it real here most probably aren't fully independent at 20 and most aren't all that mature, at least enough for me anyways.
To me a 20 yr is just a kid a couple yrs out of HS, doesn't really send up a lot of flags of interest for me, I mean even if she would entertain being with an old dude in his low 50s to even begin with.
But is it really? 30 plus years ago I was low 20s. I know that I wasn't ready to move out on my own and be an "adult" at 20. I think I moved out at 21 maybe 22, I forget the exact age. I was working part time and going to school.
Nowadays its even more so, generally speaking.
Are some 20 yrs olds out on their own, making their way in life and are mature, yeah, I suppose, but let's keep it real here most probably aren't fully independent at 20 and most aren't all that mature, at least enough for me anyways.
To me a 20 yr is just a kid a couple yrs out of HS, doesn't really send up a lot of flags of interest for me, I mean even if she would entertain being with an old dude in his low 50s to even begin with.
The averages really don't even matter here because we're talking about a particular individual whom we know nothing about. People pooh-pooh "averages" all the time when they are presented with statistics they find to be discomfiting.
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