Eating food of my plate (love, friend, couple, partner)
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People sometimes just make a mountain out of a molehill. I think it’s just a normal, affectionate gesture between loving couples. If you’re not even willing to share your foods with your woman, what else would you share with her? My SO and I share foods all the time. Sometimes, we like both courses so we ordered both and eat off each other’s plate. Today, my SO went out to a new sandwich place, and he told me how delicious it was. The portion was very generous so he saved half for later. When he picked me up from my appointment, he told me about it. I just said how yummy, and he just handed it to me and said “you can have it if you like”. When we eat something that we think delicious, we usually feed the other too.
I guess it's one of those things that seems trivial but when it happens enough, it becomes a major problem. It's also a nuanced timing issue.
What's okay: Me: I'm going to get us some Chinese takeout for dinner. Want anything?
Her: Yes, please get me some fried rice.
This is okay to me because we are eating at home and portions are large and easily shared and it was established when we were ordering that we would be sharing.
What's not okay: Me: I'm going to McDonalds. Want anything?
Her: Nope, I'm not hungry right now.
Her later: Those look good! Can I have some fries?
Or even worse, her just taking the fries without asking.
There have also been times where someone has taken food off my plate before they even tried the dish they ordered! I've also been asked to switch dishes because mine looks and tastes better.
It's a test to see how dominant you are and how you will react to the situation. They want to see if you're going to get angry and butt hurt, let them do it like a pushover, or playfully push their hand away and tease them, or simply how you might react in general. It gives them a general idea as to what kind of man you are. It's really not that hard to figure out but for a lot of men it is.
A struggle for dominance is wired into our species genetic makeup. Human beings still act very much in tune with their animal instincts. For women it's really fun to have their man play with them in this manner and not take things too seriously. It's a sign of a man who is grounded and confident in himself.
If you don't want them to do it, don't let them do it. Personally I'm the type of man where we'd both be picking food off each other's plates. I don't care. I like the variety.
Every woman I've ever been with has taken food off my plate and often without asking. I've had women try it on a first date! The most annoying part is when I ask "hey, I'm going to go grab some takeout. Would you like anything?" and she says no she isn't hungry. But when I get home all of the sudden she's hungry and starts eating off my plate and sometimes asks if she can eat half. Of course I get irritated, then she acts like I'm the bad guy for not offering some of my food.
Most of my male friends have told me that their female partners do this as well, so it doesn't just seem like my bad luck.
Have you experienced this in a relationship? Do men do this as well?
In a dating context, I would mostly say that if a woman feels close enough to eat off your plate and just generally share food it is a good sign she feels pretty comfortable around you, where as acting butthurt about this makes you seem a little off.
In a relationship context, I just don't care one way or the other.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Frankly, I’d see this behavior as a very bad sign. If you are willing to take my food from my plate without my permission, what else are you willing to violate and do without my permission or consent?
I wonder if the people in this thread who act like it's no big deal are women or are people who regularly do this. Just curious...
Honestly, I'm not sure why it bothers me, but it does. Maybe it's just our animal instinct to guard our food. I think it's also disrespectful to take something off someone's plate without asking, especially when you barely know the person. It's even more disrespectful to continue doing it after there has already been a discussion about it. These people have no boundaries.
I wonder if the people in this thread who act like it's no big deal are women or are people who regularly do this. Just curious...
Honestly, I'm not sure why it bothers me, but it does. Maybe it's just our animal instinct to guard our food. I think it's also disrespectful to take something off someone's plate without asking, especially when you barely know the person. It's even more disrespectful to continue doing it after there has already been a discussion about it. These people have no boundaries.
FWIW, I don't generally don't grab other people's food, but sharing food generally doesn't bother me unless we are talking about double dipping or if I think the other person didn't wash their hands before eating. If I had a discussion though with a person and they disregarded my feelings, the fact that they disregarded my feelings here would bother me.
I don't understand why this is not a simple communication issue. If you don't want the ladyfingers riffling around in your dinner, tell her that you don't like it and she is to stop doing it. That would put a stop to the problem.
The guy whose girlfriend said she didn't want anything but that she would just nibble off of his fries, why can' he say "No. I don't like it when you take food off of my plate, so if you want fries, say so now and I will get you fries. If you don't want me to get fries for you, do not take the ones I get for myself."
Frankly, I’d see this behavior as a very bad sign. If you are willing to take my food from my plate without my permission, what else are you willing to violate and do without my permission or consent?
In my opinion, the implication that if your friend/SO would take a bit of food off your plate "without permisison" they just might rifle your wallet or rape you is taking it way too far.
The opposite, acting overly possessive about food, is a red flag for me. Obviously grabbing something without permission from someone you don't really know is not OK, but in a friendship or relationship, if you ask for a bite or a few fries it is a real turnoff if the other person refuses. It signals that the person does not like or trust you. In my family, when we get takeout or go out to eat, we often offer to share even if not asked so I find sharing normal behavior for friends/family.
I also think it's a cultural issue and by cultural I mean the family/friend environment one was raised in. I went to a public elementary school in a middle-class area and we kids would sit around at lunch and share our food. It was normal. Then I went to a private junior high with a lot of snobby rich kids and no one would share a thing. I definitely got that shocked "if you would take my food, what else would you do?!" vibe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
I don't take food off my spouse's plate. He has some serious bacterial issues in his mouth and I don't want any of that.
During their White House years,Al Gore was offended when Bill Clinton ate from his plate,when he complained,Bill thought it was a sign of friendship.
Al was not pleased.
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